[nummy]

I really dislike what I am. I just had a long vacation with family and basically I overheard almost everybody discussing me in a negative way at one point or another. I wish I could disappear. I hate being weird, being different, talking out if turn, being the ugly awkward duckling black sheep of the family. I hate being me.

[glok]

Hello, nummy. So, what is the plan? What are you going to do about it?

I wish you well.

[nummy]

Glok, not sure. I think I'll just stay home next summer.

[scooterb]

Dear Nummy,

" I hate being weird, being different, talking out if turn, being the ugly awkward duckling black sheep of the family. I hate being me."
______________

I have many of those feelings myself. And then I associate with my healthy support system and my few really close friends and the world and my part in it begin to look completely different. When you're around people that always talk down about you it's a matter of time before you start believing the things they say.

I'm curious why you are the "black sheep?" The "weird one," the "awkward ugly duckling?"

I'd really like to hear from you and find out why you feel the things you do at the moment?

Maybe it's not you that is all these things - but your family?

[nummy]

Scooterb , it's just... I lag one step behind. I'll be made fun of by others. I'm not attractive. I'm awkward. I feel I stick out like a sore thumb. My one sister was like ice n if she diff peak to me it was cutting. My brother in law criticized me but it was in whispers. My other sister supported mec100% but I feel like, I just don't want to expose myself any more. I bump into people, I look weird. People like me should stay inside. I'm exhausted.

[IowaFarmGal]

Maybe the critical gossips are the problem, not the one they are talking about. If they are unpleasant to you is there someone else that you enjoy being with you could do things with?

[nummy]

I enjoyed time with my one other sister but I feel I am too needy around her? Her husband no longer visits me, she visits my house alone. He is pleasant but I can tell it's an act because I heard him whispering about me, and I refuse to tell my sister about that. I was invited to the shore but was the only guest not given their own room. It's like I was an afterthought. I love my family and even like the people who didn't like me but it's just too hard, I won't be back next year.

[vampirekittilynx]

Well I think when you start hearing them talk about you, you should confront them, stand up to them. Find out why they choose to treat you like this. If you absolutely feel that you aren't able to do that, then you should probably avoid these people (but I still see that as a last resort). I wouldn't normally tell you to just not go altogether either but if most of them are truly picking on you, and there is no one nice you could spend time with while you're there, then I think you should stay away and instead be around others who appreciate you because you shouldn't be made to feel this way.

Maybe it's a good idea to not hang around the family who says bad things about you. I also think it's a good idea to keep contact with the sister who makes you feel better. Maybe she appreciates you for who you are more?

Do you know the story of the ugly duckling? Growing up, we might not even know it's real value until we're older anyway, and by that time we may have forgotten about it. It's about a "duckling" that was very ugly, strange, and different, and spent its life abused and alone. Eventually it found out it was just hanging out with the wrong birds all along. I think it's a nice story because it reminds you that you may just be hanging around the wrong people when you are treated like an outcast.

I'm sorry you're going through this. I hope the best for you .

[nummy]

Thanks breezy day, but though I seriously need mental maturing, I'm already middle aged. Funny how that family angst never goes away lol.
You are sooo right in that I need to avoid the ones dragging me down. I cried, did I say that? Because it felt like my sister died, the icy one, it was like the funny sister I (thought I) knew was dead and replaced by this...insect wearing her skin.

I've decided to attend next year, as my other sister needs my financial contribution towards the beach house, but if I'm paying an equal share, I'm getting my own room, same as the others. Sharing a bed with my (nice) sister is still not my idea of vacation, lol!! I may cut the vacay down, however, and just make it 4 days instead of 7, so my sister can alternate my room with other visitors. She just can't say no to guests. We had 10 people in a house that fit 8 this last time. Too much, no wonder people were grumpy, including me, and I had no real reason to be as I genuinely enjoyed my time on the beach. *sigh* I need to amp my gratitude up.

[cryingontheinside]

hi nummy. I think the only thing your lacking is confidence. You can buy or borrow self help books which really help with self esteem, assertivness etc.

When i was 16 i felt like an ugly aqward freak painfully shy and had a serious eating disorder. Its not that i wanted to be skinny, i wanted to fade away into nothing. I didnt fit in with my family, they bullied me and i didnt want to be here in this word. Out of desperation i got three self help books from the library related to improving self esteem and confidence. I worked on the exercicises everyday and gave my self really small tasks do on a daily basis such as ask my boss if there is overtime, say hello to someone . It actually worked as i put so much effort into it.
Im glad your sister stuck up for you, i had no one. I was completely alone. Things will get better if you want them to. Im sure you look much better than you think you do. Good luck and keep posting. Feel free to pm me any time

Hi nummy, during the vacation, will you have internet? If you can do so privately, you can even post here just to let out feelings.