Alone

Being isolated has always served as my barrier to protect myself. I put on whatever face the situation dictates and function as required. The only person I truly talk to in real life is my T. Tonight I realized how alone I really am.

Anonymously calling support lines and filling the pages of my journal with all the things I keep hidden from the world.

My T blew me off today, I can't get in for a med check with my doctor for another week, and I can't get over the desperate thoughts that no one really knows me.

I guess I don't even know me.

How do you know if the coping skills you are using to keep yourself safe are really hurting you in the end?

I'm alone and I'm scared and I don't know how to stop this feeling.

Alone is only a place to start. It is not an end point.
We can only trust these tools to better our situation. At the end of the day, we do the hard work with moving on, however and whatever shape that takes - if it causes more damage, the advantage is that we will never truly know.

Why don't you open up here. It is a safe space. As safe as one can get.

I'm at a point where I feel more alone/lonely than ever before. Alone in myself too, not knowing who I am and where I belong. I feel your words, hun. Write to me, hun. Ready to listen.

If you constantly ask who you are, you will never really find out. As most things in life actions are the way forward. I take a chance everyday- I call it process of elimination. Try everything until you are left with what your passion is.
As for being alone, hon you can never be alone as you are in my thoughts. If you can find one thing, just one thing to be proud of that you have achieved, you are probably doing better than most. The world has become bitter and cold, but since you have but one go, be grateful that you have made a positive mark (no matter how small) and most importantly remember somewhere, someone loves you very much and always will