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  #1  
Old Jun 24, 2014, 07:00 PM
Aracela Aracela is offline
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Hello everyone, I think this might be a really long story since this happened when I was younger and even though it has been awhile I still can't get over it. Whenever I think back to my elementary age, I just become so depressed.

If most of you guessed, a bullied victim, yes, you are correct. I was bullied up until grade 10. It all started when I entered grade 1, I guess it is because I was a easy victim, since I knew limited amount of english and I did not know how to articulate my words into proper sentences. For some reason there were older students in my grade 1 class (I guess they failed or something) I forgot to give them a show in tell item and they told the teacher on me, insulting me and saying that I purposely did not give them the item. Whenever they had a chance, they would always berate me and made fun of me behind my back like I can not understand them.

They eventually stopped because, thankfully, they did not go into grade 2 with me, but this was where my personality changed. I was already an awkward child, but I could still hang out with my classmates playing shark and tag until this one incident; one of my classmates younger cousin pushed me because I did something to him (might have said something offensive, keep in mind, my english was still limited and I probably just said what was on my mind, very straight forward attitude) and when the teachers became involved all my classmates turned on me and said I was a bad child, I did this and that. I could not even defend myself in front of the principal because it was everyone against myself. The only one who believed me was my esl teacher.

Throughout the rest of the year I became extremely reserved and stopped speaking to everyone. This was also the result from my chinese school, my teacher was really rude, especially to me, she labels me dumb and calls me out in class claiming that I was busy picking my nose and was not paying attention to her(Dude, I was scratching my nose). Really, everyone that I met always assumes the worst in me and this was when I was only 7. My chinese teacher thinks I am not worthy of sitting next to a smart, capable student and even my english teacher thought I was cheating on a test when I can't even look that faraway.

Everything turned for the worst when I entered grade 3. I had a friend that I trusted a lot in but she got the who grade against me, even kids from other grades to offend me. I should have known it would happen though, it was my fault because I couldn't keep my mouth shut. I called this one girl out, because she cheated off my sheet and blamed everything on me to the teacher when our teacher looked at our paper. I thought I could trust my friend since I was basically just ranting to her saying she was F*** b**** etc etc (I don't even remember where I learned that sort of language, I think it was maybe from my older sister's guy friends). Everything just exploded when she told the school, I bet everyone and their parents knew about it. I distinctly remember these two kids telling another kid who had been gone from school for awhile to not associate with me because I was rude and mean. I couldn't even eat my lunch without the same kid, calling me the exact same words whom I ranted to my friend. My depression worsen day by day and people only berated me more, until I couldn't take it anymore. It was my first attempt on suicide and my last because I was so scared and shaken when I held that knife to my stomach.

Eventually I did the unthinkable... I used one of my friend who stood by me as a scapegoat. I started calling him names along with his younger sister, like any younger sibling would do. We made fun of him when we were walking back home and talked about younger siblings issues. It hurts me so much... Why would I even resort to this... why was I so desperate and selfish and an asshole.... Up till middle school, I still could not cope with my depression and constant bullying from my classmates... I was always worried about losing my new friends because of the word spreading around about me, from the rich kids who carries phones, the word about me spreads pretty quick. Because of this bullying incident...I have trust issues, I am a extremely bitter person, I am a angry person....I just...don't know how to stop feeling this way.... I want to get over this, but thinking back to what I did to my friend I hurts so much...
Hugs from:
anon20141119, Xanter

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  #2  
Old Jun 25, 2014, 04:33 AM
glok glok is offline
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Hello, Aracela.

How to Forgive Yourself: 9 Steps (with Pictures) - wikiHow
  #3  
Old Jun 27, 2014, 04:43 PM
anon111614
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Aracela View Post
Hello everyone, I think this might be a really long story since this happened when I was younger and even though it has been awhile I still can't get over it. Whenever I think back to my elementary age, I just become so depressed.

If most of you guessed, a bullied victim, yes, you are correct. I was bullied up until grade 10. It all started when I entered grade 1, I guess it is because I was a easy victim, since I knew limited amount of english and I did not know how to articulate my words into proper sentences. For some reason there were older students in my grade 1 class (I guess they failed or something) I forgot to give them a show in tell item and they told the teacher on me, insulting me and saying that I purposely did not give them the item. Whenever they had a chance, they would always berate me and made fun of me behind my back like I can not understand them.

They eventually stopped because, thankfully, they did not go into grade 2 with me, but this was where my personality changed. I was already an awkward child, but I could still hang out with my classmates playing shark and tag until this one incident; one of my classmates younger cousin pushed me because I did something to him (might have said something offensive, keep in mind, my english was still limited and I probably just said what was on my mind, very straight forward attitude) and when the teachers became involved all my classmates turned on me and said I was a bad child, I did this and that. I could not even defend myself in front of the principal because it was everyone against myself. The only one who believed me was my esl teacher.

Throughout the rest of the year I became extremely reserved and stopped speaking to everyone. This was also the result from my chinese school, my teacher was really rude, especially to me, she labels me dumb and calls me out in class claiming that I was busy picking my nose and was not paying attention to her(Dude, I was scratching my nose). Really, everyone that I met always assumes the worst in me and this was when I was only 7. My chinese teacher thinks I am not worthy of sitting next to a smart, capable student and even my english teacher thought I was cheating on a test when I can't even look that faraway.

Everything turned for the worst when I entered grade 3. I had a friend that I trusted a lot in but she got the who grade against me, even kids from other grades to offend me. I should have known it would happen though, it was my fault because I couldn't keep my mouth shut. I called this one girl out, because she cheated off my sheet and blamed everything on me to the teacher when our teacher looked at our paper. I thought I could trust my friend since I was basically just ranting to her saying she was F*** b**** etc etc (I don't even remember where I learned that sort of language, I think it was maybe from my older sister's guy friends). Everything just exploded when she told the school, I bet everyone and their parents knew about it. I distinctly remember these two kids telling another kid who had been gone from school for awhile to not associate with me because I was rude and mean. I couldn't even eat my lunch without the same kid, calling me the exact same words whom I ranted to my friend. My depression worsen day by day and people only berated me more, until I couldn't take it anymore. It was my first attempt on suicide and my last because I was so scared and shaken when I held that knife to my stomach.

Eventually I did the unthinkable... I used one of my friend who stood by me as a scapegoat. I started calling him names along with his younger sister, like any younger sibling would do. We made fun of him when we were walking back home and talked about younger siblings issues. It hurts me so much... Why would I even resort to this... why was I so desperate and selfish and an asshole.... Up till middle school, I still could not cope with my depression and constant bullying from my classmates... I was always worried about losing my new friends because of the word spreading around about me, from the rich kids who carries phones, the word about me spreads pretty quick. Because of this bullying incident...I have trust issues, I am a extremely bitter person, I am a angry person....I just...don't know how to stop feeling this way.... I want to get over this, but thinking back to what I did to my friend I hurts so much...
Maybe you should go talk to a therapist?
  #4  
Old Jun 28, 2014, 02:04 PM
OtioseM3 OtioseM3 is offline
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What to do.
  #5  
Old Jun 28, 2014, 06:38 PM
Aracela Aracela is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OtioseM3 View Post
What to do.
Indeed, what to do.
  #6  
Old Jun 28, 2014, 06:40 PM
Aracela Aracela is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sorcerer 666 View Post
Maybe you should go talk to a therapist?
Maybe I should try, but it's really hard to get over it.
  #7  
Old Jun 29, 2014, 11:34 AM
ifst5 ifst5 is offline
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Anger at these situations is typical - anger is something that informs us when we're being mistreated, and from what you've written, you were mistreated. Kids can be especially cruel so you're far from alone in gaining an unfounded reputation and suffering as a result of it. But i'm assuming you're an adult now and needing to make better choices that come from a healthier place. Professional input can help with this but i would also encourage you to try and help yourself. You're a different person now, one with other options - and i would imagine a lot of empathy. That's a rare and very positive skill no? You've left these people behind physically but need help letting go emotionally. It's not impossible. You can do it
  #8  
Old Jun 29, 2014, 02:48 PM
Xanter's Avatar
Xanter Xanter is offline
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Location: Belgium
Posts: 8
Hey Aracela.

I can relate where you're coming from. I was pretty much bullied all the way through school, why? Because i was fat, that's all. I'm a native english speaker and i was even called and berated at school. The bottom line is haters are going to hate no matter what your downfalls may be. If people are going to hurl **** at you they will find anything they can lay their nasty dirty hands on.

As for being bullied, you believe it or not were there for a brief time. It's simply transference, those people that bullied you only done so because they hated something about their lives or them. You found yourself in this mind set when you regretably lashed out, and just so you know that doesn't make you an asshole or a bad person. It makes you someone who is so utterly despirate to put an end to a bad situation, to understand what's wrong with you and why people keep giving you ****. The reality of it is, you just got a ****** hand and have been put in an environment full of poison and that doesn't mean for a second there is anything wrong with you. Remember if people have a problem with you that's because it is their problem. As for letting go, you need to ask yourself one thing. Do i want to be free and move on and actually be happy? Or do i want to allow these pathetic bullying mother ****ers to dominate and controle the rest of my life? and only you can answer that question.

Lots of hugs and keep strong lil buddy!
  #9  
Old Sep 02, 2014, 03:27 AM
Aracela Aracela is offline
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Member Since: Jun 2014
Location: In a house
Posts: 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by ifst5 View Post
Anger at these situations is typical - anger is something that informs us when we're being mistreated, and from what you've written, you were mistreated. Kids can be especially cruel so you're far from alone in gaining an unfounded reputation and suffering as a result of it. But i'm assuming you're an adult now and needing to make better choices that come from a healthier place. Professional input can help with this but i would also encourage you to try and help yourself. You're a different person now, one with other options - and i would imagine a lot of empathy. That's a rare and very positive skill no? You've left these people behind physically but need help letting go emotionally. It's not impossible. You can do it
Thank you for your words of encouragement.

I am now a university student but I am still scared of seeing anyone who knew me. I am sure the rumors have spread about me, and the bullying increased 10 fold while I went into junior high.

I am still struggling slightly letting with my past self go. I am still afraid of bumping into anyone who knew me. I have changed, even though I am still a angry and bitter person I can control my temper a bit better now.

Last edited by Aracela; Sep 02, 2014 at 04:14 AM.
  #10  
Old Sep 02, 2014, 03:38 AM
Aracela Aracela is offline
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Member Since: Jun 2014
Location: In a house
Posts: 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by Xanter View Post
Hey Aracela.

I can relate where you're coming from. I was pretty much bullied all the way through school, why? Because i was fat, that's all. I'm a native english speaker and i was even called and berated at school. The bottom line is haters are going to hate no matter what your downfalls may be. If people are going to hurl **** at you they will find anything they can lay their nasty dirty hands on.

As for being bullied, you believe it or not were there for a brief time. It's simply transference, those people that bullied you only done so because they hated something about their lives or them. You found yourself in this mind set when you regretably lashed out, and just so you know that doesn't make you an asshole or a bad person. It makes you someone who is so utterly despirate to put an end to a bad situation, to understand what's wrong with you and why people keep giving you ****. The reality of it is, you just got a ****** hand and have been put in an environment full of poison and that doesn't mean for a second there is anything wrong with you. Remember if people have a problem with you that's because it is their problem. As for letting go, you need to ask yourself one thing. Do i want to be free and move on and actually be happy? Or do i want to allow these pathetic bullying mother ****ers to dominate and controle the rest of my life? and only you can answer that question.

Lots of hugs and keep strong lil buddy!
Thank you for your kind words.

Being a victim of bullying really does make some people stronger. I have stopped caring about their opinions when I reached high school, though, after grade 5 junior high was hell. The choices I made were idiotic and I created such a hostile attitude towards most of my classmates.

I was afraid of being hurt and for some reason when I got paired with someone whom I thought didn't like me, (since I assumed he was associated with one of guys who bullied me in elementary), I always move my desk away from theirs. For some reason I had the mindset of, if I make it clear that I don't like them they'll ignore me and of course everyone in class started talking about me like I am some mean anti-social kid. (I will admitt that, at that time that was really mean and I am pretty anti-social because I am scared of getting hurt). Maybe this was just the paranoid me, but I really thought everyone was judging me, the stares they gave me were sometimes hard to take in. I can never tell if its pity or disgust...

I was desperate, so desperate that I try to drew some attention on myself of being a comedian. Of course it didn't work because my sense of humor is not humorous and they probably all knew I sensitive to reactions. All I wanted was for that same guy from elementary to stop his verbal insult towards me. When I finally confronted a teacher about my issue, from being called a emo kid I was probably evolved into an attention *****.

Lately I have been doing well after my whole bullying incident, but now that I am a university student I am afraid of meeting some of my old classmates. I am afraid at them remembering me from the rumors....

Last edited by Aracela; Sep 02, 2014 at 04:12 AM.
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