I have drawn a lot of nourishment in this site from the posts of others and advice that is given out. While I may not be the best poster for fear of being crass and insensitive, I find that many people on this site are very insightful and deep hearted individuals that really care about those around them. It's a beautiful thing, it really is. Then you see those getting flamed for their responses, or given attitude for their advice, even though those individuals took the time to respond. Is this a coping mechanism? Am i blind to the effect this has for the one flaming? Why ask the question if you don't want answers?

[AstridLovelight]

You raise a good point, Chaotic. I think when people are hurting and wounded they can lash out. I guess it is a coping or defense mechanism of sorts. As we all know probably all too well, growth and change can be a painful and difficult process. I know when my therapist pushes too far or too fast I can get defensive, angry or upset with her.

I think it was Fritz Perls who said something like, "Some patients will come in begging for help, and fight the help every step of the way."

I will admit that I am probably not the easier person to treat, but when someone takes the time to give me real advice and real answers, I will weigh each and every word and decide on the best course or action for myself. I just never understood why people reach out only to give attitude on good advice.

[AstridLovelight]

Yeah, it's definitely weird and surprising when people react that way.

[gayleggg]

I think somehow people want a certain response react and when they get one that's different than what they wanted they react harshly. I look at it like a wounded animal lashing out at someone whose trying to help. It's instinct. I don't take such things personally.

Thanks for asking.

I think this is probably the most accurate description I have ever heard.

Originally Posted by gayleggg

I think somehow people want a certain response react and when they get one that's different than what they wanted they react harshly. I look at it like a wounded animal lashing out at someone whose trying to help. It's instinct. I don't take such things personally.

Thanks for asking.

[Thunder Bow]

It is called bullying and it is all about Control.

[winterglen]

I admit I tend not to take in the advice I get as much as I should. I try not to lash out at people, but I find it hard to believe that it's okay for me to be kinder to myself. I don't think I earned the right to be kind to myself.

I've spent the first 15+ years of my life being told that the things I think, say, and do are wrong. I've been told that the problem is always my fault, that I cry too much, that nobody else has the problems that I do, because they have better control over themselves.

I don't trust my judgment, so it feels like when something in my life goes wrong, I have to err on the reason that it's my fault and that it's something so stupid that no one else would ever make that mistake. Trying to make excuses only gets me in more trouble. Being angry at someone, or simply being angry at a problem I caused only makes me look like a petty villain.

It seems like I only have two options: I should either stop screwing up or I should bear the full weight of shame over everything I do wrong. I'd love to do the former, but I guess that will never be possible.

[vital]

Originally Posted by ChaoticInsanity

I have drawn a lot of nourishment in this site from the posts of others and advice that is given out. While I may not be the best poster for fear of being crass and insensitive, I find that many people on this site are very insightful and deep hearted individuals that really care about those around them. It's a beautiful thing, it really is. Then you see those getting flamed for their responses, or given attitude for their advice, even though those individuals took the time to respond. Is this a coping mechanism? Am i blind to the effect this has for the one flaming? Why ask the question if you don't want answers?

I see this an awful lot too CI. It's sad that some people seem to be suffering a lot and want to get better, but ONLY if that doesn't involve changing any opinion that they have already fixed in their minds. People argue against getting better as if they are defending their religion. - vital