[Sector7]

I only have one friend I talk to regularly at night. Besides him, I have no other meaningful human interaction on a daily basis. No friends, no family, no girlfriend. No one to talk to. And I crave this all the time.

It's not like I'm purposely isolating myself people. I just don't click with every person I meet when I go to a meetup or event. In the last 12 years, I've only met 2 people I connected with: my friend and the girl I once dated. I still miss her.

And it's not like I don't do things either. I go out to events, I take trips, I have hobbies. I have a lot of fun on my own and I love solo travel. I just have this darkness constantly hanging over me, this loneliness and desire for companionship. I have nothing to look forward to. My one friend means the world to me but it isn't enough. I want a close friend and a girlfriend. And yet I don't because it's painful to lose them, because I wish I could be happy on my own this way, and because I don't want to put all my hopes into the idea that it'll happen when it might not (I can't predict the future and I don't think my sexual orientation helps).

I hate that I feel this way. I feel like I sound dependent or ungrateful. I don't know. Is it too much to ask for? I feel so lonely.

[kaliope]

I think the key is dealing with the darkness that is constantly hanging over you. are you not gaining any satisfaction from the activities you do attend, the trips you take, the friend you talk to every night? being able to find joy in the interactions you do have is a way to alleviate lonliness.

[Sector7]

I definitely do, in most cases at least. Going to meetups isn't always satisfying since it's usually talking to a bunch of strangers for a few hours. They say to go out and put yourself out there so I try. I do have a ton of fun when I go on my trips and I love talking to my friend. It's just not enough for me and I hate that I want more meaningful relationships in addition to him.

[gloamingone]

Sector7, I know what you mean. I've been in New Mexico since 1997 (17 years!) and have yet to make close friends, despite the fact that I'm big on getting out and doing things. My closest friend is my ex-husband (we divorced 12 years ago). I have a boyfriend, who I live with, but things aren't going well between us.

I lived in a very exclusive compound in Saudi Arabia from ages 5-21, and the US was a huge culture shock for me. I still feel like I don't fit in. When I get the chance to be around others who grew up as I did, it's wonderful and an instant "click." Unfortunately, that is extremely rare.

So I remain mostly friendless. When I travel, it's with my sons and often my dogs. I try to get out to socialize as often as possible, but it tends to remind me of what a misfit I am.

My boyfriend tells me he doesn't have friends either, but he comes home from work each night with stories of conversations he's had with people. I want that. I want conversations with adult humans. Don't get me wrong, I love my kids and dogs, but that can only take a person so far (and usually into the crazy zone! Lol).

I hope you are able to find people soon. It's hard to be lonely like this for so long.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Sector7]

I can relate gloamingone. I used to have a cat and I of course love my friend, but like you said it only takes me so far. I also want conversations with adult humans, but not just any random human, I want something meaningful like what I have with my friend even if it's not entirely on that level. I just feel very isolated and alone, even though I try to go out and socialize. It's just not often that I meet someone I want to be friends with, and even less often that I meet someone I end up being friends with. I get temporary conversations at most. I hope you find some people too.

[Frankbtl]

Hi Sector7,
Just a few thoughts................
I know what you mean by the massive difference between clicking with someone or not really clicking with them, but sometimes with some people that whole "really identifying" with them/them with you might come over time instead........do you think maybe you could spend more time, maybe talking about more/different/deeper things???
Maybe make/hang onto more "casual" friends/acquaintances and see where things go over time???
Then do you think perhaps your concerns about losing them if they were to be closer might be holding you back from investing as much into conversations/pushing the boundaries on conversations or talking on more personal levels??? Or the darkness you mentioned???
But you don't think you're holding others to too high standards, do you??? I mean as you're so close to your friend and were so close to your girlfriend, maybe a lot of people are going to fall well short (very noticeably!!) short compared to the way you feel about them.........but maybe with time they may come just a little closer????
I've really got to commend you on how hard you seem to be trying/sticking with it though e.g with the meetups when so far you haven't been getting a lot out of them/what you'd really like out of them..............and sometimes it can be a matter of persevering.
Even just one more close friend would be good/alright, do you think??
But you know, for now, for a bit of companionship, a bit more interaction until..........it might help to drop into chat on here. There are usually people in there, and they may be able to give you some of the conversation you're looking for.
Anyway, just some thoughts...................
And if you want to talk a bit more about what's going on for you.............

Alison