[cool09]

There are some forums I go to that just add to my anger then make me very depressed and I ruminate like mad over it. I like the internet because it's interactive which makes it more enjoyable than TV and it keeps my reading and writing sharp. I belong to some civilized and not so civilized forums. I also post comments on news articles which I ruminate over. I feel like if I get a little acceptance from my comments then I'll feel better about myself or something. In reality, the good feeling never seems to last long but I always go back to it and feel addicted in a sense. Maybe cutting the internet out altogether would help but I would just spend more time doing nothing and end up in bed. Pathetic, huh? My rumination gets so bad that everything negative from the past and present starts running thru my head. I have trouble starting and finishing things (and other problems) which is why I am not working. What are your feelings about posting online, how does it make you feel, what are your expectations when you post, etc.?

For some reason today I got really stuck here, reading and trying to help, and I didn't find it made me feel better. So I agree with how you feel except it doesn't make me really angry, more sad for all the people in pain. I am irritated tonight so I might have to eat my words. Yes there is satisfaction, in feeling that being there for someone, even if it is not anything but through a computer screen, helps.

It does not help my reading skills, and I say this with the lightest of heart and jokingly, but I'm really finding that my spelling has gotten much worse and I struggle to find the way to say things....I kind of attribute that to reading people who make lots of mistakes in their spellings......or else I'm getting dementia from the benzo usage.. lol

I don't expect anything much when I post, but then again I do. But it doesn't matter now. When I first joined it gave me a huge comfort just to have a few replies, like validating me that I matter, I think that can wear off or has for me, and now I just want to be of help. But I like being heard...and now I must stop for the night.

p.s. you're not pathetic at all, if this forum helps you that is what it is here for. Just be careful to avoid some areas that trigger you, at least give yourself a break when you need it

Actually yes, tis why I am looking at new forums. I would like to channel my thoughts into a non toxic environment that doesn't set me off, form cliques and such..

[Lemon Curd]

I make sure to take a break.
I'll talk to people individually, as well.
Whether it's on their page, or in PM.
It helps to ground me.
We cannot save the whole world.
Maybe our words, can help someone.
That's just me.
*big warm friendship hug*

[cool09]

Yes, I am searching for something to ground myself. That is the best solution but hard to achieve for me. I belong to music and photography forums which are very opinionated and sometimes it's hard to tell if a member is taking a shot at you or not. I also belong to audiokarma, a stereo and general forum which has rules regarding attitude - it's a civilized place. I'd love to do something outdoors and clear my head. I just went to a concert and took some great photos which I spent hours editing and took my mind off of my problems and stopped the rumination. But I seek something that will last. I like focusing on something for hours which keeps my interest and as a result lose myself in. I also play guitar but have lost the energy to play.

[Thunder Bow]

Trolls are the worst. They are angry controlling people who want to vent their anger and nasty feelings. Over rumination could be under lying depression. Rumination is normal, but OCD on it may mean depression. It is good you are doing other things than just the internet.