[Bamboo_RedPanda]

So I'm trying to understand myself and my emotions better. Most of the time I feel like I have none. No thoughts, no emotions, except constant boredom (it's been my "friend" since childhood, it rarely seems to leave). However, when I do feel emotions, they seem like they may be very intense. Often they're short-lived, but still strong.

Examples: The other day I was talking to a representative at the admissions office at the college I go to and he tells me there's nothing I can do to change a hold on my account. Normally someone would just be disappointed, I was pissed, stormed out, walked around the school nearly panicking, but then went straight back to feeling calmer again.

Also today a memory hit me (I think we were talking about a certain type of memory in intro to psych), and in this one I remembered that I usually walked home with a friend of mine, but on this day she wasn't there, so I walked home experiencing my first panic attack.

I don't know if that is a normal reaction or if something else may actually be going on?

Like I said, usually I feel like I have no emotions, no thoughts, that there isn't much there, but then I react seemingly intensely to certain things. I don't know if that would mean something is going on, because most issues make it sound like the strong emotions are long lasting.

This is probably a confusing post........... They're probably normal (*cringe*)reactions anyways.

[kaliope]

do you have a trauma background? and the reason you are so bored all the time is because you have disconnected so you don't have to feel anything? then the intense feelings come on because they have triggered something related to the trauma memories and you are reexpriencing all those feelings from the past for a brief intense moment and then you disconnect again? just an idea.....I just read a book called waking the tiger and it was talking about when people have mental health issues that don't make sense it is usually trauma related.

[Bamboo_RedPanda]

I don't recall any trauma background....... my parents fought when I was six, my mom and I ran away to live with my aunt, I had no friends there but my cousin, my aunt kicked my mom out so had to move back with my dad, I was made fun of in school for my emotions so I consciously shut them down, back and forth between mom and dad, never had to many friends, once was told I had to live with my dad, made no friends there either, then he does a dna test on me, finds out I'm not his, I don't see him again until I'm 19. That's my basic background, nothing traumatic at all, though the boredom may be disconnection, I don't know, or just under-stimulation, or maybe I'm just boring. Thanks for trying though.