Ever feel so sad or apathetic you just can't go to sleep because you don't want life to move forward? You don't want to be forced to wake up next morning still feeling lonely, or just sickened at yourself for the way you run your life. I thought I was doing better, but I still have large patches of sadness that I fill with television or internet junk.
I feel like I ruined everything. Like my youth is gone and I cannot turn back the clocks to before I stopped enjoying life. To before I started filling my emptiness with junk foods. Before I stopped trying to make friends.
I live at home with my mom & her partner and I still feel alone. I am the third wheel in every story now, no solo person to really talk to, share with. That's it. I feel lonely. I try to forget but it keeps coming back. I am alone and I don't know how to start again.

I can relate to you I have felt the same exact way at times. I don't really have any advice but just wanted to let you know your not alone.

[nushi]

Dear bluedonna, I feel the same like you. I'm also past my youth, & messed up everything in my past years, & now I live all alone in a rented apartment, 'cause my family can't endure my mental illness.

I have absolutely nobody, that I'm now spending Eid (Christams -like in Islam) all alone In Eid families & friends are supposed to get together & eat lamb-meat together in a feast. But since I'm alone, I ate meat delivery in front of the TV. I even felt embarrassed when the delivery guy came, I never looked into his eyes, 'cause when you order delivery for one person in Eid that only means one thing: you're a pathetic loner, & when you're a pathetic woman loner in a Middle Eastern country, social revulsion is even added to the problem

But guess what dear bluedonna; I spent the days not really happy, but not sad either, & you know how I did this?! Here you go...

First; if you're working (if you're not, believe try as much as you can to find a job, it will keep you busy half of the day), try to find something else beside work that really keeps you busy & make you have something that you're determined to finish. Ex. apply for graduate or post-graduate courses, I'm currently doing Master's, & tell you what?! That is really making really busy to keep feeling sad or indulge in emotions, 'cause I telly myself, well, I'll finish my Master's & then give myself the time to feel sad & all

Second; try to find something that you really enjoy to make up for you being lonely. Something that you always go to & indulge yourself in & forget everything & everybody around you when you're doing. And if you can't feel yourself loving anything that much, try out everything until you find that thing Ex. I truly love Stephen King novels, I always tuck myself in bed & read his novels whatever my mood or how bad I feel, that I created for myself a little piece of heaven that I go to, to take a rest away from my hell of a life And tell you what; I created for myself this psychological heaven in SK novels, that even when something bad happens, just remembering SK novels makes me feel better even if I don't read them right away!

Third; get closer to God, & know that this life is not the end of it. You still got many years ahead of you, & even the afterlife (if you believe in it), so don't spend the rest of your life crying over what you lost... Make use of all your remaining time, learn more, enjoy things around you that many people in many countries don't have the luxury of enjoying...

Believe me bluedonna, it doesn't matter if we're alone, what matters is that we find the things (doesn't have to be people) that turns our time in this life meaningful, positive, & joyful ♥

[Angelique67]

I just wanted to say I also feel like that a lot. Like I can't do anything that feels or seems right, just a total dysphoria mixed with anxiety. You definitely have company. I'm lonely too. I'm all alone in the world and I can't make friends.

[Juniebug]

I can relate to this. I live alone, can't work, and keep isolating, self-sabotaging, ruminating, and each day is just something to get through. I watch excessive amounts of tv to zone out, and take anxiety pills to take naps. Sorry you're feeling so bad, and you're not alone.

[grandmakris48]

Originally Posted by bluedonna92

Ever feel so sad or apathetic you just can't go to sleep because you don't want life to move forward? You don't want to be forced to wake up next morning still feeling lonely, or just sickened at yourself for the way you run your life. I thought I was doing better, but I still have large patches of sadness that I fill with television or internet junk.
I feel like I ruined everything. Like my youth is gone and I cannot turn back the clocks to before I stopped enjoying life. To before I started filling my emptiness with junk foods. Before I stopped trying to make friends.
I live at home with my mom & her partner and I still feel alone. I am the third wheel in every story now, no solo person to really talk to, share with. That's it. I feel lonely. I try to forget but it keeps coming back. I am alone and I don't know how to start again.

Hi there. I know how you feel. I sometimes don't want to wake up either and face another day.

[Frost287]

I also know how you feel, I constantly sabotage close relationships

[Mercury78]

Wow - I know exactly what you mean with the not wanting to go to sleep, but I've never heard anyone else say it before. In my case, I am extremely overworked - I often work until close to midnight. I should be dying to sleep after that, but I often find myself staying up much later than I should because I know that as soon as I wake up in the morning, it's all going to start again. Those last few hours post-working and pre-sleeping seem to be the only ones I have in which I can truly relax a little, but it's really wrecking my health not getting enough sleep.

And I too feel like I've wasted my youth. I also live alone, in a rented space, have no friends where I live, and just basically miss the days when I actually used to have fun and not feel so dead inside. I don't know if those good feelings will ever come back, and it's scary to think of living the rest of my life like this. I look around at other people who are married, have kids, have lives, and I don't know what I did so wrong to wind up like this.