Glass Case of Emotion

Topic title is stupid. Thought it'd give me a laugh.

This is hard to type. Probably just means this is something I need to do. I feel lonely. All my friends have moved away and onto better things. Married, colleges, careers, families. The friends I have left are all long distance and I can only talk to them online. They're cool, and I'm thankful to have them, but it's just not the same. I don't have anywhere to hang out. I'm just cooped up inside all day. No one to talk to when I need it. Not comfortable sharing with my parents or any family members. I can't even get in to see a therapist because the medical facilities in this city are nothing but ****!

Never been kissed. Never been with a woman. Sick of always being expected to make the first move just because I'm a man. I'm lazy. I'm selfish. I'm just a drain on my parents resources and they're not getting any younger. Every time I have a chance to make something of myself, I chicken out. I make excuses. Tell myself I can't do it until I'm convinced I can't, then I don't do it. I just forget about it and go on as I always do. I'm not even fully convince I won't just turn around and do it again after this thread has ran its course. If I could tackle on other elements of my life the way I tackle those reviews I write every week I'd probably be moved out with at least a girlfriend by now. I don't know.

There are times I feel like nobody ever wants to talk to me. Or at least start the conversation. Log into instant messenger, I have to be the one to say hello. Log into Facebook, I have to be the one to say hello. A forum like this one, I have to be the one to say hello. Nobody ever approaches me when I log onto any of those things. People just go about their business until I say hello. I know it's probably not personal or anything, but after so many years, it starts to get to you.

I get so defensive at times. Paranoid over the dumbest ****. I don't know why. I just do. I don't know what else to say, so I guess I'll just stop here. Hope for someone who knows what they're talking about to offer advice. Hopefully I feel better so I can actually be productive today.

all that is popping into my head from your post is that you may need some self esteem. I used to be bothered by people not acknowledging me but I don't care anymore and I wondered why..and it is because I have high self esteem today. I don't need that acknowledgement. you wouldn't feel like you are a drain on others if you felt better about yourself. you would feel like you are an asset. I used to feel terrible about myself and give myself all kinds of negative messages all the time. it took time to change that. I started doing it with one thought. I found one indisputable thought. one positive thing about myself I could not contradict. that I was an excellent professional writer. I had all kinds of evidence to support this. so whenever I thought something negative about myself, I would add on, yeah but I am an excellent writer. that way I could be left feeling good instead of bad. eventually I came up with another positive thought about myself. it took a couple years but I eventually had a whole file drawer of positive thoughts about myself and my self esteem had greatly increased. I started to feel worthy of others and felt loved. it all started with that one positive thought.

I know exactly how you feel, everything you say is what I've said before, especially the feeling like I'm the one that always has to say hello, that no one comes to me first, and it's definitely really lonely. I actually deactivated my Facebook because I was so tired of no one talking to me. I'm sorry I have no advice for you, just know that there are others out there that can empathize with how you're feeling, and that I hope it gets better for you someday.

Thanks. I'm going to give that a try. I already know what the one positive thought can be.