[Arha]

I have just learned that I block my emotions until they bubble over.
This really surprised me: because I think things through a lot I thought I was dealing with my emotions. I was really removing myself from them and dealing with thoughts not feelings.
Now I know it, it makes sense. It explains why I get surprised by extreme sadness or anger. I don't see it coming because I block the feeling until it gets so strong it erupts.
It is just such a huge change of view of myself that I am floundering.
Has anyone else been through this?

[saturnssecret]

Ohhhhh that has been me for sure. I've been taught and trained to be "desensitized" and it's always been my MO until it finally erupts behind closed doors. I'm trying to learn not to shut down but then I get so overwhelmed with grief and sadness because I kept it in too long...then I'm reminded why I have shut down

I'm not sure if it gets better day by day?

But I feel your pain

[Jannaku]

Can totally relate. Going through this myself at the moment. Seems like I have also been suppressing my feelings and then they explode like a pressure cooker. I have been asked to try and identify my feelings in certain situations and with regard to certain issues and it is so hard for me to find them. The only feelings I can clearly identify are anger and fear. When I sat and thought long and hard and used a list of emotions I found some that best described how I felt. They included humiliation, embarrassment, self doubt, frustration, disappointment, etc. They were all the emotions that I felt in the minutes leading up to my explosive anger outburst in response to something my narcissistic husband did. I have been blocking out my emotions since I was a child, since it seemed easier to just pretend they weren't there. It now explains why I can be totally fine for most of the time until something (usually the husband) triggers the emotional eruption. I feel like an emotional retard and am finding this really difficult to deal with. Facing up or acknowledging your feelings/emotions takes courage for people like us who have spent years shoving them into the inner crevices of our minds. Sometimes when I feel overwhelmed with emotions I also tend to disconnect which is another protective learned behavior. That's when the brain goes numb and non-reactive and everything feels a bit surreal. I also think a lot but I think about issues rather than feelings. I'm a good one for thinking long and hard about an event, its causes, the outcomes, future, etc. I now realize that I am thinking a lot about everything except what is going on inside me or in other words how I feel. Makes sense that we end up exploding. Good luck and hope this helps you feel less alone (now that's a feeling). Ask yourself how you felt after reading this just as an exercise.

[gnat]

I don't explode with emotional outburts, but i vomit from internalizing. I had gone for a couple years where I actually thought I had my emotions under control because I was able to keep my vomiting under control by taking daily acid reflux meds. Now I shake my head at how naive I was, but what can you do?

[Arha]

Thanks for all those comments. I really helps to hear others are dealing with similar issues.
And to Jannaku: how did I feel reading that? I felt happy to read you had dealt with things in a similar way, because I felt less alone.

[Perna]

I think it is great that you are seeing this; you have to see/understand a problem before you can work on solving it. Think of it like you do when you have an intellectual breakthrough, an "A ha!" moment; it's a good thing!

[Shriveled Muse]

Myself as well. Does anyone happen to know how to not suppress? I've been doing this for most of my life and it has become a part of my instinct...

[Lostdeepinspace]

I have gone through this too... Especially at work where it can be stressful and emotions will get the better of u. I find when im in that kind of situation i take a deep breathe and continue on with what ever i was doing and go back to it a bit later when i have calmed down and try to reflect onwhat it was that got me nerved in the first place. Not sure if it will help u but its worth a shot.