Pressure of expectation

I feel like I'm stopping myself from excelling at the things I do. When you're really good at something, you develop a reputation, and every time you fail or under-perform at the same thing, your abilities are brought into question as people expect more from you? Is that true, I feel so.

I'm just sort of happy being 'average'. People don't expect much from you when you're just 'average'.

Well, recently, I've developed this rep of being good at something, I don't really know if I'm good or not, but it's added pressure that I'm not really enjoying at the moment. It's stressing me out.

I need some advice.

If you feel within that you are doing the best you can, under the circumstances you are given, then integrity remains, intact. At that point ask if critical remarks are to help or harm. If malicious, is it with intent or is it inadvertently?
Why settle for mediocrity, that let's others have control of your emotions.

Hey hey. Everyone has something they're good at. It's not about them. It's about you. It's about life. Think about it, my friend. You may gonna need them BUT, you could live without them. Just enjoy life, and never mind what they think of what they expect you to do. Man, it's your life. Just go and explore. We still have much things to do in our lives. Cheers.

You fear success and the responseability that comes with it. You deserve success, go with it.

I think that's right, but I also have the fear of failure. I never want to try really hard and find out I'm not good enough for something.

Well, there are tons of expectations for "average" because the only expectation is that everyone is perfect. If you're any less, people will remind you.

That said ... the only person that can put an expectation on you is you. If someone else expects something out of you like being great at basketball, getting that book written, whatever. Then they need to get off their butt and get it done themself. The only "expectations" are work and school requirements and those aren't expectations, but part of doing the job. So do your best to the best of your ability. That's all you can do so go do it!

As far as failure goes, you'll never fail until you quit trying. You can have setbacks and rejections and frustrations, but if you're still trying you haven't failed yet.

It's hard to live up to what you perceive others perceive your standards to be.

Do this for yourself.

One of my favourite quotes:


“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

What is even more scary for you, is finding out that you really are good at something!

I have been painting and playing the piano for many years. I am actually pretty good at the things I do. I have been highly complimented . Even so, I am not as good as many others who are way ahead of me. I am often better than beginners and other people who are relatively new. I only get hung up if I think about or expect praise. My best efforts are indeed when I do it for me. That gives me really good feelings as I accomplish something new.

My parents took me to a skating rink for lessons. I was in first grade. I did not like the lessons and did not go back, plus, soon afterwards I started doing gymnastics and would not have had time for both sports any which way.

But I remember that FIRST lesson. There was something very important that was taught the very first thing. Please guess what it was. Thanks!

Thank you so much, I believe I have never read this quote before.

I'm so-so at a lot of things, but I want to really push at one thing.

Thanks, I guess you learned that you have to focus one thing, as opposed to two things, as you're more likely to get good at it.

On the skating rink, the very first thing they did was they taught us how to fall safely. I mean, they started - since I did not go back, I do not know what ensued and how long in total they spent teaching how to fall safely. But that was the most important skill. And you are afraid of falling, so the tale is right up your alley.

What is it that you're good at? A skill or talent or job? I know when someone is good at something they really have to cover themselves because people tend to look for faults or "holes in the mesh". Like being a lawyer, doctor, scientist, engineer, etc. When someone becomes good at something people expect them to be like that 100% of the time, some people aren't satisfied with perfection only 95%-98% of the time. I know some psychiatrists make sure that they cover themselves well so that they can't get pinned or blamed for something. I brought up family issues, SSDI court hearings and my psychiatrist immediately stated "I don't get involved in family issues", "I don't get involved in court hearings". Physicians know how to play the game.

I reluctantly took leadership for a project at school, it involves programming, now I'm sure I'll get called again, and I don't think I can't always do so well. I could be called a fluke or 'lucky'. That's what I hate. I never volunteered to take charge either.

Thank you, I get it now

I'd like to add, I'm not really a leader, I do all the work myself sometimes, and that's not because I'm smarter than everyone, but I am really scared of failure. Two or three of my friends pretty much contributed nothing for the project, just me and another guy.

I stress out a little too much, and I can't really keep cool sometimes.

Just to let you know how this quality might play out when you start working:

In group or team settings, people who do all the work themselves are not perceived as being smarter than everyone, or as being bent on proving that they are smarter than everyone.

They are perceived as unable to delegate and, sometimes, as overly anxious and too controlling for their own good.

They also might be viewed as unable to work well as a part of the team.

None of this is by way of sounding an alarm, but little-by-little, recognizing how difficult and unnatural it would be for you, start delegating small, well-defined tasks to those 2-3 friends who contributed nothing to the project last time.

I mean to say that IF you are on another joint project with him, start practicing delegation.

To choose a task for delegation, consider the following:

- the task should be well-defined
- the task should not be nebulous
- the task should not be ambiguous and subject to multiple interpretations
- the task should be at the level of complexity suited for that person - it should not be overwhelmingly difficult, nor should it be so "dumb" that the friend would feel it is below him

It sounds like a lot of rules, but in reality you simply choose something that is so well-defined that no quarrels or disputes might arise of disagreements as to whether your friend did what was asked, and, make sure it is at the right level.

Good luck - learning to delegate takes a lot of time, effort, self-reflection, and analysis, but it is worthwhile to do because so many modern jobs involve team worm.

Thank you so much for this post. I've always been kind of a loner and introvert, I'd like to stay that way, but it seems there's no choice but to work with other people if I need to survive in this world.

That was very useful, hamster-bamster, thank you very much.