I hate being mad

I can't deal with anger very well. I mean, does anyone really? What I mean is, I've never had a good role model in dealing with anger- I had a step dad with an exlosive temper (throwing/ smashing dishes, etc) - I usually just bottle things up and don't like to sour peoples mood with mine- usually I try to isolate myself when I'm in my worst mood because I feel like I'm a menace. I'm ready to explode right now and yet feel a bit defeated and tearful too. So frustrated with things. Angry- people getting preferential treatment- I'm not the happiest person, but I try to be and then feel hated on because of it- straight up prejudice I'm dealing with. So frustrating! I don't know if this makes much sense, I'm having trouble thinking clearly now so I'm going to go get some chocolate now. I'm tired of people, you know? Ugh, thank god for the nice ones, but mostly everyone else are assholes.

I find it hard to deal with anger. I was raised in a home where anger was never shown, so I grew up not knowing how to deal with it either. I usually choose unhealthy ways to soothe my anger, such as secret revenge, which is not only unhealthy but hurtful to other if and when they find out. I'm trying to learn to acknowledge and communicate things before they get to anger but I find it really hard, because I choke things down until they erupt. I find anger to be very unhealthy and destructive, and don't really know how to change it even though I've been in and out of therapy for years.

Me too! Struggling to deal with anger, inner pain and inner punishment. Feathers all ruffled trying to deal with my husband's times of misunderstanding and poor treatment. Seems to be no end of problems.

((((((( AngstyLady )))))))

Just curious what do you mean by secret revenge? I think I do the same things!

I feel sorta of embarrassed by my irritation expressed initially in this- I think part of it was pms ing- I'm embarrassed to say- after being clean from weed for a little over 7 months and off my meds- both of which I've been on for basically ten years- getting used to my monthly hormone changes takes some getting used to on my own. . . .

I feel especially embarrassed after finally allowing myself watching the videos about the Ferguson and Hartner case- I purposefully didn't watch it because I knew it'd be upsetting- I haven't been watching the news in general- relying on my internet- and now I'm so much more upset than I thought possible about the continued injustices that people go through regularly in this country. So upsetting!!!!!

I hear you, AngstyLady! I can get myself so tied up in an angry knot when I become aware/pay attention to news about such injustices. Facebook is not my friend! I find myself getting worked up and ready to rip off a post on a thread that upsets me, and my husband catches me and says "don't do it!" He's right - it serves no real purpose other than to get myself even more worked up. I need to do better to protect myself. I mean, I can vent my views about these things but does it change anything? Not really, and I just get worked up in a really unhealthy way! What I will do that makes me feel a little better is sign online petitions about issues I care about; at least then I feel like I might be helping to implement change somewhere in a more constructive manner, and I don't get as emotionally charged up.

Yeah, I had to edit this, I realized I messed up- I stopped smoking weed May of 2013 (a year and 7 months) and stopped taking/needing my meds since August of this year (2014). Anyway, I don't always think clearly when I'm emotional..

I wish I could express my anger but ever since I hit puberty I've had to be tied down and yes in a straight jacket. I see now that I'm older it was needed.

For most of my life anger/rage has been a primary emotion (I know it really is not). For the most part I have found writing creatively when in those moods can help. I have written poems, stories etc. about my feelings and even my beliefs. I find
I do the most writing when I am hurt, angry, sad, alone.

I like these quotes:

"Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned"

"You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger"

Try not to 'hate' yourself for getting this way - as mentally beating yourself up over this is only contributing to lowering your spirits and working against your ability to resolve the matter. Try to take a more objective and impartial position. You realize that your anger is not helping you and not contributing to your well-being - so you need to contemplate measures that you can take to improve the 'situation' and ultimately bring about a favorable resolution.

Yes, I often do my best writings when I'm angry or sad as well . . .