is there

Fuzzybear · Dec 05, 2014, 03:46 PM

I was wondering if there is a limit on when we will maybe be allowed to "forget" our many mistakes, and are some people allowed to make mistakes and others not? Are some people forced to always be "endearing" ... even in therapy? Or else they will "always be punished?". and where do these evil accusatory "voices" come from?

. I read a post in another forum where I am not posting and that prompted this thought. I am sorry that I exist, for surely I wish I was not in this world!

How do you learn to trust, when you are already "old" and battle scarred? What is the point in being open with anyone when almost inevitably they will hurt you, either intentionally or otherwise?

What is the point in saying anything when there will always be those who lie and twist your words?

This is not directed at anyone, it is my attempt to "cope" without hurting anyone who is in my life. I do not wish to hurt those I love.

So many are sensitive. please be kind. (Honesty without compassion is brutality)

For this moment I refuse to allow the self attacking "voices" to violate me.

My love to all here

Thanks for always being kind to me

(unlike too many IRL)

Frankbtl · Dec 05, 2014, 05:31 PM

Hi Fuzzy, I'm thinking a lot of the mistakes you're mentioning are more the responsibility of others??? Maybe people who took advantage of you or manipulated you when you were vulnerable, because you lacked self esteem, because you'd been led to/wanted to believe..............so I'm not sure you need to take as much ownership (or any ownership in some cases!!!) of things that have happened or choices you made???
And you know even if it's hard to forget at times, even if people throw things at you........I reckon you can still "forgive" yourself, you can still accept/be compassionate towards yourself despite/regardless of what has happened, you can still put that blame in it's rightful place (and I'm sure that will be on others shoulders at times!!) and move on from it.............
And as for the ability to trust................maybe after the first step of really recognising that some people out there can be trusted (everyone might make mistakes at times and compromise trust, but there will be people you can still trust with the most important things or in certain areas), it can be about finding the right people to trust.........and then maybe little by little...............it might take a lot of time but...............
I think maybe working through some of the things people have done to you a bit more might help a little with that though???? With someone/people who really understand!!!
You already know what I think of what your T said!!

Just don't forget there can be really genuine, caring, understanding people out there (and on here!!), hey??

And that you so deserve to have people like that in your life!!
Alison

Crazy Hitch · Dec 06, 2014, 05:10 AM

Dec 07, 2014, 03:47 PM

As humans we all make mistakes , fall shot , hurt others and get hurt

There is always hope , faith
Forgive yourself and forgive others

Dec 07, 2014, 04:14 PM

Hm-m-m-m... There are some interesting questions here, Fuzzy... well... I think the only limit with regard to forgetting mistakes is death. Once you're dead... you're dead... memory ceases. Yes, I definitely believe some people are golden. They can pretty-much say, or do, anything & get away with it, even be lauded for it. Others of us can say or do the same thing & we'll be ignored at best... or punished at worst. I would suspect the same is true in therapy. I no longer have a T. But when I did, I never felt they took me seriously even after I had made 2 serious suicide attempts. They still seemed to act like maybe I was just kidding... which is part of the reason I no longer have a IRL. That way I don't have to say anything or trust anyone. I prefer it that way. Let the grand parade march on without me!

Ani Pema Chödrön has written: criticism without compassion can be just mean...

Lostdeepinspace · Dec 13, 2014, 12:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

I was wondering if there is a limit on when we will maybe be allowed to "forget" our many mistakes, and are some people allowed to make mistakes and others not? Are some people forced to always be "endearing" ... even in therapy? Or else they will "always be punished?". and where do these evil accusatory "voices" come from?

. I read a post in another forum where I am not posting and that prompted this thought. I am sorry that I exist, for surely I wish I was not in this world!

How do you learn to trust, when you are already "old" and battle scarred? What is the point in being open with anyone when almost inevitably they will hurt you, either intentionally or otherwise?

What is the point in saying anything when there will always be those who lie and twist your words?

This is not directed at anyone, it is my attempt to "cope" without hurting anyone who is in my life. I do not wish to hurt those I love.

So many are sensitive. please be kind. (Honesty without compassion is brutality)

For this moment I refuse to allow the self attacking "voices" to violate me.

My love to all here

Thanks for always being kind to me

(unlike too many IRL)

This is exactly what i went through with my mother. I always went to her looking for advice or guidence and most of the time i was criticized or even judged. Now i do not ask her for anything regarding my life and i do not share any of my feelings with her as i know she is just gonna hurt me. Sucks. I hope no one else has to going through that. I am glad u recognize this fuzzybear. All up hill from here!

BeaFlower · Dec 13, 2014, 02:39 PM

((((Fuzzy)))) I'm sorry that someone hurted you

But please, don't be sorry to be in this world...for me (and others) it's really important that you are here

If someone hurts you unintentionally, try to explain him what butted you, in a moment in which you feel a bit better and can handle a simple conversation. If someone hurts you intentionally, don't care about him, he doesn't deserve a sweetie like you

Love you

Fuzzybear · Dec 13, 2014, 04:41 PM

I was always looking for acceptance from the mother. But, she was unable to give this.

Towards the end of my life, I realise that she (and the father) set me up for a "life time of unrequited love"

And a lifetime of hiding, for to become "the mother" would be to cease to exist

We were made to survive for a reason, by the one who loves us. But I hope that I find my true home before too long. Because I don't belong in this world, I never really did,

To those who care (all here) don't worry, I'm safe, I'm a survivor.

Lostdeepinspace · Dec 13, 2014, 05:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

I was always looking for acceptance from the mother. But, she was unable to give this.

Towards the end of my life, I realise that she (and the father) set me up for a "life time of unrequited love"

And a lifetime of hiding, for to become "the mother" would be to cease to exist

We were made to survive for a reason, by the one who loves us. But I hope that I find my true home before too long. Because I don't belong in this world, I never really did,

To those who care (all here) don't worry, I'm safe, I'm a survivor.

I am soooooooo sorry you are going through this! You are usually the one who sends lots of hugs and light to those who are feeling down! Lots of hugs and light sending your way Fuzzy! Like you said.... we are built to survive. Surround yourself with people that care. Get rid of negativity in life. (Unfortunately that may mean people close.. but hey.. its worth it in the long run. Your sanity is important!)

gayleggg · Dec 13, 2014, 05:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

I was always looking for acceptance from the mother. But, she was unable to give this.

Towards the end of my life, I realise that she (and the father) set me up for a "life time of unrequited love"

And a lifetime of hiding, for to become "the mother" would be to cease to exist

We were made to survive for a reason, by the one who loves us. But I hope that I find my true home before too long. Because I don't belong in this world, I never really did,

To those who care (all here) don't worry, I'm safe, I'm a survivor.

You're right, Fuzzy, we are made to survive, even if we don't feel we belong.

I've never felt I belonged either, even though, I had a great mother. I never felt good enough. I don't always feel very strong either, but I am. I've survived myself, life, cancer, hurt, pain and many other things.

I've been hurt by many, but I have also hurt many. A few I know about, the others, I was too insensitive to realize it. I have tempered as I have grown older and realize now things I wish I had know earlier in life. But I can't dwell on that. Now that I know better I'll do better. (Taken from a quote by Maya Angelou)

I wish for you, peace of mine and freedom from mental anguish for the new year, because I deeply care about you. You have friends who would never hurt you, but you have to take chances to prove it.

sideblinded · Dec 14, 2014, 01:15 AM

Hi Fuzzy

I just found this thread. You said it best when you said to be kind. I was taught to have manners and I learned to be kind. You also said something that I understand. I am also not of this earth. I don't feel that I belong here either. I also don't mean this in a negative way.

I had an unusually difficult day dealing with life and I look forward to moving on someday. The world is a cruel place. It has it's beauty but you have to look for this beauty. For some people, beauty on this earth just doesn't show through unless they look really hard. I am one of them. I will be fine, though, I am also a survivor.