[stayingafloat]

lately i have been putting up with mockeries, ridicules and verbal abuses from people in my neighborhood, town, this has been ongoing for months or maybe years, making me very paranoid, emotionally snappy, and certainly intensified the suicidal murderous thoughts in my mind.

I tried to call the helpline, but it seems like they want me institutionalized, which will worsen things, this is driving me into a corner. I wish someone would read or attempt to understand what im going through and reach out to me.
Its like living in a place filled with predatory creatures disguised as human beings

[Artchic528]

Some people can be utterly dispicable. I know. It's like, what rock did you crawl out from under?

But seriously.....just don't let those thoughts..those verbal abuses...don't let them get to you. OKay?

[stayingafloat]

Been trying not to let it get to me. But to no avail most of the time, the very best i can do is not to carry out those actions, yet deep down i am being drilled into this cesspool of a reality which drive me into a corner time after time again.
I felt being treated like a joke and the violent urge to make a strong statement is overwhelming. Their relentless ridicule, sarcasm, condescending smirks, laughter, slanderous behavior always allow them to get away time after time. I can only do whatever it takes to filter everything out.

Will try to take ur advice into mind. No idea what will help or make me feel better anyway.

[shezbut]

Are you unable to leave the neighborhood that this horror is happening in for any particular reason?

Perhaps you could go in to see a therapist and talk about your experiences, and emotions, with them. A lot of times, just getting things off my mind (and not being teased or put to shame for the events) helps relieve a lot of that stress that I carry.

(((gentle hugs)))

[stayingafloat]

Originally Posted by shezbut

Are you unable to leave the neighborhood that this horror is happening in for any particular reason?

Perhaps you could go in to see a therapist and talk about your experiences, and emotions, with them. A lot of times, just getting things off my mind (and not being teased or put to shame for the events) helps relieve a lot of that stress that I carry.
(((gentle hugs)))

Its like dealing with a whole bunch of conflicting thoughts and negative emotions. Kind of makes me reluctant to get out of my room(parent's rm, as its quieter and safer) to do anything. The moment i step out to my living room or kitchen i felt like im gonna be observed and i could hear sounds from neighbor that can trigger my anxiety and anger, and i have a feeling they can hear wat i say, so sometimes i am forced to talk softly in a way that nobody outside can hear.

At one occassion when i was in a bad mood, talking to my mum in the living rm, a group of little teenagers passed by, "pouring salt into wounds", imitating my voice followed by some soft laughter. Theres also similar instances/experiences, like some random "clap", crying sounds, which nearly made me went to approach them.

These were also partly traced back to the year long fiery dispute between my family n these inconsiderate bunch of neighbours which recently spilled over to me during my low period when my emotions got out of control, i became their easy target to pick on, got into some trouble, institutionalized, and then they proceed to spread ugly rumors abt me to their friends, to the neighborhoood, town, such that their slanderous acts made me an enemy in the eyes of people thanks to their high n mighty, self righeous ways.

im currently being put on meds to manage my emotions, while my parents r trying to sort out the process of relocating to another town.

Cant wait to see the therapist again, its just a few days away and there is this weekend to endure.