[iditp20]

I have no emotional expression. I'm not sure if I just have none, or I've held them in for so long it gets unhanadable so I block them out.

I have had counselling etc... I'm just not sure what it happening.
I just know that I am explosive and destructive.

Does anybody have similar problems?

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[sideblinded]

Hi iditp20

I am glad that you are in counseling. Just because you have no emotional expression does not mean that you don't have a lot of emotions. I think you have a lot of emotion as you say that you are reactive and have explosive and destructive fallout. I think there is much behind the surface.

Maybe somewhere and at some time in your life you stuffed your emotions because it was not safe to let them out.

I can relate as I used to stuff my emotions all the time as I came from a very unsafe environment to let out my emotions. I have spent my whole life getting them out and it is worth it to get to the core of why you have these reactions. I have many triggers that I have learned about and finding out why I react the way I do is the core answer to healing. Keep working with your counselor.

I wish you the very best.

[kaliope]

well i would say it is inaccurate to say you have no emotions if you are explosive and destructive. it just sounds like you are bottling up your emotions. anger is a secondary emotion. it is the result of other emotions you do not know how to cope with. so say you are feeling lonely, depressed, frustrated, sad, etc and you do not know how to cope with this emotions, you feel anger instead. and it sounds like your expression of anger is an exploder.

there are three rules when it comes to anger that are helpful to remember.
1. do not harm yourself
2. do not harm others
3. do not damage property

if you stick by those rules, you can stay out of trouble. get yourself a pillow or something you can beat the crap out of when you are mad.

a good way to manage anger is to stop it before it starts. recognize when you are getting angry. what are your signs of anger? do you clench your teeth, your fists? do you feel your heart race? your blood pressure rise? does your face get hot? when you recognize these signs, that is the time to do something to calm yourself down. remove yourself from the situation and take some deep breathes, visualize something relaxing, count to ten.

another thing is to know what your triggers are. what pisses you off? then stay away from those situations the best you can or be prepared for them.

[RichardBrooks]

I am similar-- don't express emotions other than angry outbursts-- but I know now it's because of having had undiagnosed Asperger's Disorder all my life. Even my anger wasn't so much anger as autistic meltdowns that I am learning how to avoid and control. So I can relate to the behavior if not the reason(s) behind it.

[IceCreamKid]

[QUOTE=iditp20;4214808]I have no emotional expression. I'm not sure if I just have none, or I've held them in for so long it gets unhanadable so I block them out.

I have had counselling etc... I'm just not sure what it happening.
I just know that I am explosive and destructive.

Does anybody have similar problems?

You allow yourself to express rage and anger. Did you get no help with your counseling? It might be helpful to find a different, better counselor so you can learn to identify your emotions.

[iditp20]

[QUOTE=IceCreamKid;4216765]

Originally Posted by iditp20

I have no emotional expression. I'm not sure if I just have none, or I've held them in for so long it gets unhanadable so I block them out.


I have had counselling etc... I'm just not sure what it happening.

I just know that I am explosive and destructive.


Does anybody have similar problems?



You allow yourself to express rage and anger. Did you get no help with your counseling? It might be helpful to find a different, better counselor so you can learn to identify your emotions.

I have had counselling for 5 years and it's never helped. I have a CPN and I'm on medication. But I don't remember a time when I ever felt emotion apart from anger.

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[AzulOscuro]

I read yesterday in an article in this subforum that one step to cope with anger is to identify another feeling that triggers this anger.
I'm learning to cope with emotions so I have not much to add.
Only to make you know that.

[iditp20]

Originally Posted by RichardBrooks

I am similar-- don't express emotions other than angry outbursts-- but I know now it's because of having had undiagnosed Asperger's Disorder all my life. Even my anger wasn't so much anger as autistic meltdowns that I am learning how to avoid and control. So I can relate to the behavior if not the reason(s) behind it.

The problem is. I don't feel any emotions underneath the explosive anger.

Out of the blue my counsellor emailed and said she could see me tomorrow at 2 if I wanted.

I am starting to wonder about all the different things that could be wrong with me and I have never felt so low.

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[AzulOscuro]

Calm down. You will see that talking with you consellor will help you.
Perhaps, for some reason you have your feeling block out and you need a push (help) to face to.

Good luck for tomorrow!

[IceCreamKid]

[QUOTE=iditp20;4218656]

Originally Posted by IceCreamKid

I have had counselling for 5 years and it's never helped. I have a CPN and I'm on medication. But I don't remember a time when I ever felt emotion apart from anger.

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I don't know what a CPN is. Five years is a long time to go with one therapist with no improvement. You are capable of experiencing, recognizing, feeling anger, which tells me you have the capacity to feel other emotions. It sounds to me like recognizing them is the key. Have you ever considered art therapy? I see you are going to see your counselor. It is time to discuss your lack of progress and the direction your therapy should take now.

[iditp20]

The 5 years is with 3 different counsellors. This with be my 4th, who has just recommended psychoanalytic therapy.

A CPN is a community psychiatric nurse, they are in charge of your mental health care.

I haven't really done any therapy other than the formal kind. I used to use music as an outlet, but all the enjoyment has gone

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[IceCreamKid]

I got this from Wikipedia:

"The British Association of Art Therapists defines art therapy as:

...a form of psychotherapy that uses art media as its primary mode of communication. It is practised by qualified, registered Art Therapists who work with children, young people, adults and the elderly.[4] Clients who can use art therapy may have a wide range of difficulties, disabilities or diagnoses. These include, for example, emotional, behavioral or mental health problems, learning or physical disabilities, life-limiting conditions, brain-injury or neurological conditions and physical illness. Art therapy may be provided for groups, or for individuals, depending on clients’ needs. It is not a recreational activity or an art lesson, although the sessions can be enjoyable. Clients do not need to have any previous experience or expertise in art."

It's a purposeful activity. Not just for enjoyment. I hope you can look into this.