Don't think I can

So I got hired recently apparently. Haven't started work yet but it's starting to really get to me. I don't know if I can do it. I am tired just doing nothing. Perhaps I shouldn't have tried to do anything. I feel suicidal about it. I think I would rather not wake up tomorrow. Why am I so weak. I disappoint myself yet I can't seem to not disappoint myself. It's just like with the other job where I quit on the first day cause I can't seem to handle the stress? I get stressed with daily things and perhaps I shouldn't have tried for a job and to be normal. I thought getting a job would help with my confidence but I feel it's actually gonna hurt me more.

Nothing can help me I think. It's like a bad repeat of the last time. Now all I can think of is wanting to quit and it's just bad. I don't have any support in continuing. I don't want to get out of bed.

I hate myself.

I might need to go to a hospital, I don't know. I might hurt myself. I had the idea in the back of my mind for awhile which would work- it goes away when I just stop thinking. When I go back to trying I feel poor about myself. It can't work. Perhaps I should just try to write or something instead. Actually try to write. It's not like I'm desperate for money. Maybe desperate for a feeling of independence but I can't seem to handle stress at all. I don't like feeling suicidal. I don't want to live either though.

The worst is how everyone says they are proud of me for getting the job. I feel like I'm gonna let everyone down. Though they probably don't really care and it will be as expected.

Thule, I went to work after a year of doing absolutely nothing. Literally sitting at home. It is tiring at first. Push through it. You are smart, and talented. These people believe that you can do the job. You can do the job! If you need help, please ask for it. no employer wants you to feel uncomfortable or incompetent and I'm sure the same goes for your family. ((Thule))

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Getting the job is an achievement that you can rightly be pleased about.

As for doing it, well just turn up and do as everyone else does - you will get used to it pretty quickly I expect. At least give it a go - you will be no worse off than you are now if you really find you cannot do it.

I agree it could be quite tiring at first, perhaps you could exercise a little to get ready, go for walks and so on. And be ready for early nights and perhaps some of your favourite meals until you get used to it.

Would it help to think of the new workmates you are going to meet, and learning or resuming your old skills not to mention pay day?

I feel like I'm gonna have to overhaul my current sleep schedule to get used to it. Waking up at 4-5 am. Going to bed ultra early. I'm worried mainly about the sleep and interactions with others. Talking to others takes a lot out of me.

I'm not very excited about the money tbh since I've become rather frugal about it. I just want to be like a dragon and sleep in a hoard of gold.

*breathes fire* *eats hobbits*

I haven't really done anything in a couple of years even. Some things here and there for my family but nothing considered as a job. Never really had a job tbh. I'll try.

It might be uncomfortable in the beginning, new routine, new skills, new people. But I guarantee if you stick with it you will start to feel better about yourself. It IS an accomplishment to be proud of. They need you to do the job they hired you for, so don't let them (or you) down!

Yes I hope I don't become a nuisance.

Cute tiger picture.

Try it you never know you might actually like it. No judgment here at all but how do people live if they don't work. I do love my job but I worked jobs that I hated before but I never had an Option. I'd be on the street tomorrow if I quit, well maybe in a couple of months. So I wonder...

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Different living situation. Different ways of handling money.

Ok. I guess if one has a spouse. I would just have no money coming in if I don't work as I am single. Like there would be nothing to handle lol

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Steiner, when do you start your job? I agree with what others have said: just try the job and you may find that you do well at it and enjoy it.

I'm kind of in the same boat. The last time I worked I was severely depressed, it was a temp job that I lasted 2 days at because I kept telling the people I was working with how overwhelmed I felt. Now I'm looking for a job because (1) we need the extra money and (2) I can't stand doing nothing all day at home.

I'm scared though, just as you are. Scared that I won't be able to take the stress again since I'm still depressed (though not as severely). But just reading your thread makes me realize that if and when I am offered a job, I have to at least try. Honestly, I think a part-time job would be better for me but I don't see too many of those advertised.

Have you considered for yourself that perhaps a part-time job might be easier for you to handle? Better than doing nothing but not as much stress because you're not spending as much time doing it?

It is part-time. I thought most jobs were part-time. I'm not sure when I start. Was gonna talk with the manager about my difficulties with this pre-employment thing that isn't working for me tomorrow. Though they said like week at least before I'd start?

I don't have a spouse. I've always been alone and I live with my parents. Though I assist them on their farm so. Our family situation is different in the way that I am okay with sharing money I have with them as they are with me. I'm pretty good at saving money. I had at one point 6k in cash on me from saving from many birthdays and holiday cards, but I went ahead and gave most of it to my parents so that I could get food stamps and to help assist them with paying taxes. I have a close bond with my family.

Oh that helps! If I lived with my parents I would End up in inpatient treatment. Lol My father is absolutely God awful human being and my mother all she cares about to make sure dad isn't angry so no close bond there. My brother and I are close though and are there for each other. We help each other in times of need.
I just wonder how others live sometimes. Many of my students parents do not work and never had and I am always puzzled how the heck people live....
Thanks for taking time to explain

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Idk my parents don't work either. Haven't for years. My dad had a good job and saved up a lot so he just considers himself retired.

Big Risk, time to go for it. Do not be so afraid.

I'll try not to. I'm feeling a little better about it today. I'm actually feeling pretty good about it. Oddly. I just hope they will be willing to work with me so that I can get situated. I am sure I will be good once I get comfortable.

I am doing something wrong in life I guess. I work and work and there is no end to it. Still don't have much. No end to it

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Sounds troublesome. What do you do for work?

I teach high school. Oh I love my job tremendously and would never do anything else, I am just saying with budget cuts and economy being bad nothing gets saved. But if lets say I decided or could not to work I would starve lol
No other sources of income but work



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Ohhh ah I see.

Well I guess as long as you love it, that's good. My parents came from poverty-type places, the Bronx in New York. I tend to think some areas in the country are unlivable and tend to have a lot of cases of hand to mouth type situations. Some areas, the prices of living are too high and can't support the building of an actual retirement. Some people also have too much pride and won't accept public assistance. I'm not religious at all but there is a reason pride is considered a sin.

I don't really care and try to get help when I can.

Some would look down on me for that but that is how it works.

Maybe you need to find a career or a job that is rewarding and gives meaning to your life. any jobs could be rewarding. Doesn't have to be high level kind

I have a lot of compassion for people and volunteer in homeless shelters on a regular basis. I don't look down on people in need and have liberal views.

yet I believe people do need to work (unless very elderly or severe disability) before they ask for public assistance as where is that assistance comes from? Others' pockets. So somebody would work so I don't have to. Doesn't sound right to me. But that is a mentality of
many.

I by the way asked for state health insurance for my daughter once when she was little (just fur her not myself) I just wanted it for like few months until I find better job as I had low paid job and no health insurance. I was denied, they said I made too much, it was minimum wage lol

Oh well

I don't know about you, maybe you are truly unable to work. I am just sharing my thoughts on a subject

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I think you've missed my point. I won't bother to explain it though.

Sorry your daughter was denied.

No I got your point. I am just randomly talking, pay no attention, I think I am getting into one of my hypomanias, my thoughts are so scattered i can't concentrate at all. Rambling. And yeah that was years ago, she is an adult now, I am just saying I have awful luck.

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It's fine, I tend to do it a lot myself.

We can hope for better luck in the future yeah? My main point is really regarding food stamps. If you can get food stamps. Get it. If you are making a low wage you may still be able to get food stamps. There should be no reason to starve. Hell if it makes those highly against getting food stamps think of it like this. There is enough food in the world to feed everyone and we tend to have a lot of food go bad.

http://www.worldfooddayusa.org/food_waste_the_facts

A bit off track from the original thread title.