[Shaly78]

I was in group the other day and a leader state that forgiveness isn't something that you should do necessarily! I thought that was a wrong thing to say in group of survivors as the leader! Well in that case I don't have to feel guilt, shame, etc. I just didn't think it made sense to me. If she had her reasoning for stating that as a leader she should have went into more details. She should have said, I don't want to forgive my rapist because I don't want him around my children because I don't feel like he has been in therapy to help himself/herself to see his issues. I know I seen it first hand for those in situations that are dangerous either by choice or no choice. Forgiveness is for yourself anyway.

[gayleggg]

I agree a little more input would have been ideal. Maybe you could ask her to elaborate at the next meeting.

[divine1966]

Ask for what she/he meant. Some things don't need to be forgiven in order to move on. Some things just have to accepted as they can't change and we can move forward. I can move without dwelling on something but I don't necessarily have to forgive.

I didn't understand comment about rapist. I don't care if rapist went to therapy or not, I wouldn't want him/her around me or my kid, period. Is this a real example or just hypothetical?

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[silent_runner]

The last line "Forgiveness is for yourself", is simply great. It's you that get hold of something and later that might bother you in many ways. Learn to let go of things is certainly helpful.

[Shaly78]

Not hypothetical group therapy last week.

What I was saying is that if you have a known rapist in your life and u got kids and u see that he or she still has issue hasnt been in therapy. In that instance dont forgive remove urself /kids from that sitaution. If that leader is a survivor she should have said that. Yea when mad turned on a survivors dont want to forgive. U must forgive wasnt not the statement so I cant talk that way.