[stressedmama]

I hope someone can help me, and fast. My fiance is soooo super sensitive and over emotional. The smallest things hurt his feelings and even when we talk about it, and resolve what ever the issue was, the next day he'll say "I'm not doing so good". That's his way of saying he still feels hurt, that he still needs comforted, etc. These little issues were few and far between when we first got together. But now they're practically daily or at least every other day. Last week he cried 6 different times!! He is so needy constantly! He tells me when he is feeling this way, he needs me to be overly loving, to hold him tight, etc. I'm an incredibly independent person, totally opposite of him. So these breakdowns, and constantly be butthurt over every little thing, and the multiple crying spells...omg!! Its like a total role reversal. He's the woman, and I'M the man in the relationship. It's gotten to the point where I'm literally incredibly agitated when he gets in these moods. And he's always very much "poor me, so sad for me, I'm always a victim". We've broken up several times, and each time we've gotten back together, he's mentioned he "was going to blow the back of his skull off", or that he was going to "eat his gun". We just got into another huge fight and he again has made numerous "innuendos" about having the next 2 days off, and that I've got those 2 days to figure out if I really care about him like I say I do. Etc... I don't know WHAT to do. I can't keep living with someone who is sucking me dry emotionally, who cries more in 1 wk than I do in a month+, who constantly uses suicide as a means to keep me from leaving?! Even my 15/yr daughter is getting annoyed, & irritated. She tells me all the time that he needs to "grow a pair". I don't know what to do!!!

[kaliope]

i know it may sound insensitive, but his emotions and life are not your responsibility. from the level of frustration i read in your post, it does not sound like this relationship is going to pan out in the long run. right now you are being held as an emotional hostage due to his suicide threats. it does not sound like you are happy with this relationship or that you are getting back at the level you are giving. do what you must and if he threatens suicide then call the cops to do a welfare check on him. it is not you job to be responsible for his actions and emotions. maybe you could offer him the names of a few good therapists so he can work through his issues. i hope everything works out for the best. take care

[Perna]

Yes, what kaliope says. He's pulling this with you because he is getting away with it. Remind him of how he was at first and that you need him to get his act back together because the relationship cannot work if you are in charge of holding him together because you have enough work taking care of yourself. A relationship is supposed to be two people working together and he is not doing his work.

[BLUEDOVE]

Sounds as if he is an "Adult-Child". In which case,he
is not fully here,he would be in a 'trance state' which is induced by severe abuse of some sort as a
child. Ask him how his childhood was,but he is
liable to not know/realize he was abused,so maybe
you will have to tease it out of him and read between lines. The technical name for this is,dissociation.

[Hexagram]

Call it off. Your fiancee has been treating you and your daughter to an impressive display of red flags and the stress and shenanigans he promises could trigger or exacerbate your own illness. Break it off now before the state gets involved and you end up paying him alimony.

He sounds like he is blackmailing u to stay with him. At least guilt tripping u w his threat. Can u really live the rest of your life with that? He needs help. Perhaps a way to get out of the relationship is to go to therapy together. That way he is put in the hands of a professional for his safety + he has support as u move on. Perhaps that will also give u support not to go back. Take care of yourself.

[stressedmama]

Thank you everyone for your input. I know I'm not happy, but I do love him very much. I just got home from volunteering at the Spartan race, and he was texting me all day with all kinds of poor me texts, with more innuendos implying suicide. He's been home since about 10a )its 1:15p now, continues to send the same type texts. I have no idea where he is. {{Sigh}} I don't want to be responsible for him killing himself, but I wouldn't even know where to send the cops right now.....

[stressedmama]

Update: so I had still been receiving texts from him all day, repeating the same things over and over "why don't you care that I've been hurting", "why is it such a burden to just hold me when I'm hurting", "all I asked for was one hug. That was it. One hug from you. And that was too much to ask. That made you angry and irritated at me" (total b.s. by the way) then I got one that actually had the actual "I'm about to kill myself" statement in it. The following text stated "I want to die, I don't belong in this world". So I called the cops, gave them what info I had, although I still had no idea where is was. Then my daughter and I got in the car and drove all over the city looking for him. I called his mom and told her what was going on (they are VERY close), and she called him and got him to go over to her house. So I called PD back and sent them over there. Now I'm getting messages from him as to "you know where I am now, where are you now? Why aren't you here?" I told him I wanted to give him time to talk to his mom because he always listens to her. He was just like "sure. you take care of yourself. you do you. not your problem anymore. hope you're happy with your guy. I'm not your concern anymore." I feel like such a horrible person that I can't take any more of this....