[Dan208]

I'll try not to ramble here. There was this girl that I met through work about a year an a half ago. We clicked almost instantly and became extremely good friends. I trust her so much that she is one of only three people that I have told about my mental health issues.

Monday, she moved back home, which is about 1200 miles away. I had plenty of time to prepare for it because we knew it was coming for about 6 months. Still, I'm having a very hard time coping with her absence. We still text and Snapchat, and have agreed to do so at least once a week, but I still feel like there's something missing and I miss her horribly.

I feel guilty because I'm married, but I would leave my life here behind (with the exception of my daughter), to move and be closer to her. Maybe it's the alcohol, as I've had a few drinks, but I spent the better part of the last half hour staring at her pictures on Facebook, and as I type this I'm practically bawling my eyes out.

I'm trying to figure out what this is. Love? An unhealthy obsession? Just an extremely good friendship? I hope things get better soon, because I don't know how much longer I can go on like this. It's only been a few days and I feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest.

[jaofao]

Man, this doesn't sound healthy. How happy are you with your current family? Very importantly, I'd like you to think for them. It's not impossible to find new people we can trust. Cool yourself down and move on with the reality. You can do fine on your own.

I don't know if this is relevant, but recently I've been watching a lot of Amy Winehouse. She was an alcoholic, drug addict, and very attached to her boyfriend. Those were all destructive aspects in her life and it's very painful to watch a good human being suffer like that. The conclusion I want to draw about is that obsession, addiction etc only lead you to pain. Stop while you still can. You may feel positive about somebody of course, but don't get lost in it.

[Dan208]

I love my family. Everything I do is for them and that's why this worries me so much. I am feeling a lot better today, I think it's just going to take some time.

[arundelle]

It's mourning, plain and simple. She was someone who was an important part of your life and now she's not there. Don't try to turn it into something else. It could be that you're trying to do that, to twist it into something impure, to make the separation less painful. You lost your confidant. That's a hard thing to go through.

[Dan208]

I sent her an email last night and told her how I feel but that I understand why she moved. We talked this morning and she said that the email made her cry but she's not mad that I sent it (which was a fear of mine). It just felt good to get it off my chest. We agreed to only have happy conversations from now on, although she will be my sounding board when I'm having a bad day, as I will be hers.

I think the reason I'm so upset is because I've never had a friend that I've been this close to, and with her moving so far away I'm scared that we'll lose that friendship. We talked about that very thing just before she left, which is why we agreed to communicate somehow at least once a week. I truly do love her as a friend and cherish our friendship. It just sucks that I can't see her in person anymore.

[TheDeepGreenSea]

Sometimes we just connect with people on a different level. If this is the first time that's happened to you, it's very difficult to put it in perspective when you lose it. But, it will come and go in life. You'll find more friends where there is mutual understanding and a feeling of growth when you're around each other.

I'm sure you'd terribly miss your family if you were ripped away from them, but that's not happening so you're focused on this real, present loss. It's hard to let go of a connection like that.

It doesn't sound like obsession. It is a kind of love, but you can love someone and be friends with them. It's not a relationship, it's not marriage or romantic love. I've lost same sex and opposite sex friends where I've felt like this over the years. It's always difficult.
Best of luck to you.

[IceCreamKid]

You asked what this is. I'd vote for "something else" -- your long distance girlfriend is a fantasy. Your wife is reality.

Since you expressed some concern for your daughter, there are two things you can do to help yourself and to provide a better life for her.

Stop drinking and start re-connecting with your wife. Instead of chatting and texting and emailing this other woman, start doing things with your family.

Everyone will be happier and your far away friend will adjust and make friends where she is now living.

[PianogirlPlays]

Originally Posted by IceCreamKid

You asked what this is. I'd vote for "something else" -- your long distance girlfriend is a fantasy. Your wife is reality.

Since you expressed some concern for your daughter, there are two things you can do to help yourself and to provide a better life for her.

Stop drinking and start re-connecting with your wife. Instead of chatting and texting and emailing this other woman, start doing things with your family.

Everyone will be happier and your far away friend will adjust and make friends where she is now living.

I agree this is probably a better road!