[dolphinlover8]

I'm really afraid to say this but ever since I was little I have always gotten these feelings off and on. It was always a feeling of being extremely embarrassed. Almost like I am embarrassed of my life and just existing. I'm embarrassed that people know me. It's like I wish my parents had a different kid and that I never existed. As I get older I don't have these feelings as much but they still come back every now and then. I feel like I am the only one who feels like this and gets these feelings. I am too afraid to tell anyone but it just makes me so upset and just feel awful. Like I want to be "perfect". I know no one is perfect but I feel like if I do something wrong or if I said something wrong, I try to act like I am right because I get too embarrassed to be wrong. I know everyone is wrong sometimes so I don't know why I feel like this. Basically I'm embarrassed to be living. I know it's an awful thing to say but that's how I feel and how I have always felt.

[Neurotic 2 the bone]

Originally Posted by dolphinlover8

It was always a feeling of being extremely embarrassed. Almost like I am embarrassed of my life and just existing.

I'm embarrassed that people know me.

I feel like I am the only one who feels like this and gets these feelings.

I want to be "perfect".

Basically I'm embarrassed to be living. I know it's an awful thing to say but that's how I feel and how I have always felt.

Sounds like social anxiety to me. Im no expert but as someone who has it a lot of what youre saying makes sense to me. So youre not the only one.

First, its not an awful thing to say. Its how you feel and we're all entitled to our own feelings.

Part of my social anxiety in part revolves around my perfectionist tendencies. If I dont do it perfectly sometimes it feels like it doesnt count

Are you embarrassed that people know you or are you uncomfortable being around people? The two could be easily confused. I get embarrased being around people because i worry what theyre thinking, what i look like, etc.

[dolphinlover8]

I do have anxiety but I didn't know these feelingd are related to anxiety. It makes sense now. Majority of the time I am just uncomfortable being around people but every now and then when I feel like this I am emarrassed that people know me. So I feel both but mostly it's just being uncomfortable.

[Neurotic 2 the bone]

So I would say that sounds like you're embarrassed by your own discomfort around people. It's nothing to be ashamed of though. You have nothing to be embarrassed about. Yet I know, from experience, you will most likely still feel that way. It's weird. Our brains tell us that logically we have nothing to be embarrassed about but yet we still do. We are our own worst enemy at times.

I think the key is increasing our self esteem. Having more confidence. If we were more confident in ourselves we probably wouldnt have these embarrassing feelings. For instance I still often see myself as the timid young boy I used to be. A part of me doesn't see myself the way I actually am. I sense its the same for you perhaps. Like somewhere along the way I got stuck in a moment and to this day still see myself as the person I was at that moment despite all the evidence to the contrary.

Boosting your confidence and self esteem will play a major role in getting over those embarrassing feelings.

That being said, its not an entirely bad thing to have. It shows you have a lot of humility. So one positive way of looking at it might be to say you have too much of a good thing.

[seeker1950]

Dolphin lover, I have felt like you describe all of my life. I call it social anxiety, as someone else here has stated.

[avlady]

it does sound like social anxiety to me too. my son has it and is being treated for it, i feel so bad for him because it is dibilitating for him. he says the only time he feels comfortable is after a few beers, which to God i pray he doesn't become an alcoholic, as at one point he was. everyone please say a prayer if you pray for anything, pray for my son that he stays on his meds and doesn't drink on them. thank you all.

[dolphinlover8]

Neurotic 2 the bone- that makes complete sense. Thank you for being so helpful and your right that I also see myself as how I use to be when I was younger.

Seeker1950- I am glad to know other people feel like this too. I always thought that I was the only one who feels this why and because of that reason I have always been to afraid too tell anyone.

Avlady-I'm sorry that your son sees beer as the only relief. Maybe you can try to talk to him and make him realized that it won't do any good if he always turns to that.

[marmaduke]

I felt exactly like this most of my life. Embarrassed. Embarrassed to exist, cringing at my own existance. Feeling silly, stupid, worthless, ashamed, guilty. Wishing I could disappear. This caused no self esteem and extreme shyness, I mean, who would want to be friends with me?
I dont feel like that now. No way.

I now know through much research that it was, in my case, upbringing that caused it.
Mother was a cold, unemotional creature who made sure I knew that everything wrong in her life was actually MY fault. That I was a burden, and nothing but trouble and how much better her life would have been without me.
So she 'taught' me to despise myself. And boy, did I HATE myself.

It might be different for you.

[dolphinlover8]

I'm glad you don't feel like that now and I'm sorry that your mom brought you up that way. I can only imagine how hard that must have been on you. It is a little different for me because my mom just doesn't show her love but my dad does so I'm not really sure if that would affect me that much. Most likely it's anxiety like everyone else said but my family could also be a part of it.

[calgontakemeaway]

Originally Posted by dolphinlover8

I'm really afraid to say this but ever since I was little I have always gotten these feelings off and on. It was always a feeling of being extremely embarrassed. Almost like I am embarrassed of my life and just existing. I'm embarrassed that people know me. It's like I wish my parents had a different kid and that I never existed. As I get older I don't have these feelings as much but they still come back every now and then. I feel like I am the only one who feels like this and gets these feelings. I am too afraid to tell anyone but it just makes me so upset and just feel awful. Like I want to be "perfect". I know no one is perfect but I feel like if I do something wrong or if I said something wrong, I try to act like I am right because I get too embarrassed to be wrong. I know everyone is wrong sometimes so I don't know why I feel like this. Basically I'm embarrassed to be living. I know it's an awful thing to say but that's how I feel and how I have always felt.

I know how you feel. I am in my 50's and am still embarrassed about everything. It is my strongest emotion, after sadness. I have a Masters Degree and had a great career, but always felt like an imposter, like someone was going to find out that I am not that smart or good at what I do--I know its called imposter syndrome. I apologize all the time --unlike you I always feel wrong--which is stupid! And I know it. All the positive affirmations in the world and a little bit of (not helpful) therapy cannot change the insecurity, embarrassment I feel and the anxiety it causes. I hope you find help...its exhausting feeling this way! I thought I would grow out of it, but that hasn't happened yet.

[dolphinlover8]

My sorry that you still feel that way. It must be very hard for you to live life like that every day. For me the feeling comes and goes and thanks I hope eventually you find something that will help you too.