[jaofao]

Looking in the mirror I'm like... *vomiting*
...Ok, that's a bit exaggerating, but you get my point.
It would be nice to look good, so if you do, be really grateful. You're very lucky. Thank God if you have a nice body, a beautiful smile, symmetry or whatever.

PS: I see another "ugly" thread out there, but anyway. It's "feel ugly" season, ladies and gentlemen.

[IrisBloom]

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Ugly things become beautiful all the time. Look at the butterfly.

[jaofao]

Good point, Iris! Believing in change. Thank you!

[BreakForTheLight]

I know how that feels

[shakespeare47]

I'm 48 and experiencing that middle age spread. I've been relatively thin all my life, and now my 6 year old lets me know that he doesn't want to get "fat" like me.

It's a good thing he's a good, cute kid.

[hannabee]

I'm afraid that anybody at any age at any time in their life will feel ugly. You are not alone. Change the things you can and accept the things you can't. No one is perfect. When I'm feeling that way I just tell myself it is the OVERALL package that people see, inside and out. Big hug for you!

[BeaFlower]

I'm sorry. Sometimes I feel ugly too. When I was a teenager the others at school kept saying that I was ugly, and I started seeing myself as ugly. I still don't know if it's true or not. Now I don't see myself as really horrible, but not as beautiful. But in some moments I still think to be ugly.

[jaofao]

BreakForTheLight: *super tight hug*

shakespeare47: I love kids, so carefree.

hannabee: Bigger hug back! Well, I feel like I just overlooked the importance of taking good care of myself when I was young. Now as my experiences grow, I'm forced to pay more attention to my physicality.

BeaFlower: You're not entirely sure yourself, which might be a good thing, honestly. Those with appearance issues like myself are just adding for themselves unnecessary troubles... We just can't get over them.

I truly believe beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Life experience has taught me that.

Kindness is the most beautiful thing to me, it radiates from some people. Unlike physical attributes that does not fade over time, it can even grow.

[Dan208]

I know exactly how you feel. I've never been told I'm ugly, or been made fun of for being so, but I've always had low self esteem and view myself as such. I've actually been told by numerous people that I'm handsome, good looking, etc, but I just don't see it.

[arundelle]

I think anyone who thinks I'm attractive is crazy or dangerous. Thanks mom and dad!

[jaofao]

Hey Dan, glad you stopped by man!

Likewise. People are not too rude where I am. They couldn't care less really, just throw at me some "you look good, you look decent" to shut me up and change the subject. Well, at least that is polite.

Maybe I really look ok, averagely. I just keep feeling insecure and asking more and more out of myself. Sometimes I get extremely desperate and wish I had a lot of money to get facial surgery. Isn't that hilarious?

[jaofao]

arundelle, not dangerous! There must be some qualities in you that get people attracted. I don't know how you look so I'm not saying it's not one of them.

[arundelle]

I "popped" when I was 12, so I got a lot of adult male attention early. I had it drilled into my head that anyone who was attracted to me was dangerous. My father was intimidated and disgusted by (and maybe attracted to, who knows) my body, and my mother was outrageously jealous of me and tried to compete with me. It was ridiculous.

Plus they were famous for their "cute" nicknames for me, like "Fat and Ugly." I heard that daily as a term of endearment, I kid you not. I was supposed to figure out that they meant the opposite.

So now, if someone is attracted to me, at best I think it's a "Dogfight" situation, or maybe they're just thinking anything is better than a greased knot hole. It's pretty extreme, I grant you, but it's effective in that by being alone - because clearly I can't be with anyone else if they're all crazy/dangerous - I avoid being abused.

[jaofao]

arundelle, I'm so sorry you went through such a tough period. I can only imagine what it was like. I hope good things come to you and you feel better from now on. Leave the past behind and don't lose all faith in people.
Thanks for sharing!

[shezbut]

jaofao,

I have been really struggling with this concept for as long as I can remember. I have had a few really difficult periods in life, where kids were just plain mean (for the heck of it) and I was scarred.

I've never grown inner confidence. Regardless of how many men and women have encouraged me, I simply find myself unable to accept compliments. I cannot believe it and I always look for alterior motives! It is a sad place to be in life.

[jaofao]

Hey shezbut, I've got a couple of things to say to you:

1. People like you and me will never fathom bullies. I could only conclude for myself that they're simply wretched, insecure losers who have nothing better to do than to be mean. I try to ignore them as much as I can. Sad lives.

2. I'd like to make a reference: if you're "not used to positive feedback", you are likely to "freak out" like Megamind at the end of the film when people cheer up on him. Funny as the idea is, a lot of people can relate to it. We might have a concrete mindset that we don't deserve the compliment, but I think that if we know people are being sincere, it might be better to think a bit differently and accept it as a gift of kindness. It doesn't mean we're unaware of ourselves or whatever, but it would help us feel better about ourselves and brush up our self-esteem a little bit. Wouldn't hurt at all.

3. As far as I'm concerned, issues regarding looks are not that hard to fix, as small changes make huge differences. So improving on body language, style or a lot of other things could be very effective for boosting confidence. What we really need is positive energy.

4. Again, if our minds are set to believe it's done for, it's dead-end, it's not getting better, chances are we won't find our ways to positive changes. Age is irrelevant, it's never too late. That's what I believe and keep telling those close to me. So if you have never grown inner confidence, do now!

[arundelle]

I think anyone who makes a positive comment about me is taking the piss. If they seem sincere, then I have to break it down - they like the pattern in my clothes, which means they are attracted to the designer's ideas, not me.

I used to feel this way- ugly and self conscious because of it . It stemmed from comments my mother and boys at school used to make. It lead to low esteem and many bouts of self- hatred and tears.

One day, I came across that phrase that's more of a cliche "what matters most is how you see yourself". I thought about that, and attempted to see myself in a more positive light. I tried something that helped me like myself a little more, that I'll share with you. I hope it helps.

I went in front of a mirror and looked at myself- really looked. Take note of the things you don't like. For example: no, I don't have clear skin, but I do have nice eyes.
You've taken note of something positive that you like, and that will boost your confidence. Even if its just a little, it counts. Now take note of what you don't like and write it down.

Another example, hmm. I'm a little to thin/ slightly over weight, but I do have nice hair.

Using the first example, write down how you can highlight your positive feature, nice eyes can be highlighted with an eye-liner, or something like that.

Now, for what you don't like. Your skin for example. Ok, you've acknowledged that as an issue, then find ways to change it from there. Write down possible causes. Are you stressed that's affecting your skin, cool, let's focus on relaxing. Is it because of something else? Ok, let's find a solution to that. Exercise, more water and a good portion of fruit, and most importantly time will help your skin heal.

Next example, let's focus on the part that's upseting you. Weight. Ok. We've acknowledged that, now let's find ways to change it- diet change, less sugar, more fruit, more water and again time and patience.

These things will help you build your confidence.

But remember that true, pure beauty comes from within. It's really a waste to have great physical assets but an unkind heart.

I truly believe that no one on this Earth is ugly. We just need to make a few adjustments to how we view ourselves, and if someone else believes we're ugly because we don't have the perfect figure, or have a little flab, well to hell with them.

The important thing is that you are comfortable (the above tips as well as a few tweaks to your mindset will help with that) in your own skin and that you realise that you are a beautiful person. What matters most is how you see yourself. Someone else's opinion of your body doesn't count.

I hope this helps.

P.S.
You're not ugly, sweet. No one is.

[berthegel]

I'm pretty much a romantic failure so far, and can honestly say that I usually suffer love at first sight and fail , and they all had different faces but all had nice smiles .
Look at some of the worlds beauties from Hollywood say , how many of them had troubled love lives.
They may attract more attention , but usually attract dodgy blokes.

Shakespeer once wrote a sonnet upon love and beauty

My words want to speak of tales that lessen my loneliness, to keep away the cold
My fingers need not your breast
Its your hand they want to hold
Its Not my shrivelled poker that will ease winters tracks
It will be talked of memories , spoken at dusk
In the end its your heart that wants to be full
Not your pocketbook or bed post

That was dedicated to a girl with black dark hair , who has gone , I barely spoke to her , she never spoke to me at all.

Actually Shakespeare didn't write this piece , I made it up, cos shakespeare didn't have a computer, so there.

[shakespeare47]

Originally Posted by berthegel

I'm pretty much a romantic failure so far, and can honestly say that I usually suffer love at first sight and fail , and they all had different faces but all had nice smiles .
Look at some of the worlds beauties from Hollywood say , how many of them had troubled love lives.
They may attract more attention , but usually attract dodgy blokes.

Shakespeer once wrote a sonnet upon love and beauty

My words want to speak of tales that lessen my loneliness, to keep away the cold
My fingers need not your breast
Its your hand they want to hold
Its Not my shrivelled poker that will ease winters tracks
It will be talked of memories , spoken at dusk
In the end its your heart that wants to be full
Not your pocketbook or bed post

That was dedicated to a girl with black dark hair , who has gone , I barely spoke to her , she never spoke to me at all.

Actually Shakespeare didn't write this piece , I made it up, cos shakespeare didn't have a computer, so there.

As the 47th iteration of Shakespeare, I can assure that I do indeed own a computer.
(I'll have you know I was scouring the internet to see if I could determine what Shakespeare meant when he penned "shrivelled poker", lol.)

[shakespeare47]

@ the OP. Does is help to realize that "ugly" is such a subjective term? And does it really matter that some do think we are ugly? I acknowledge that I have no control over the fact that some people find me to be unattractive.

I take your word for it. Unfortunately some people are not physically attractive. Have you considered plastic surgery?

[Webgoji]

Originally Posted by jaofao

Looking in the mirror I'm like... *vomiting*
...Ok, that's a bit exaggerating, but you get my point.
It would be nice to look good, so if you do, be really grateful. You're very lucky. Thank God if you have a nice body, a beautiful smile, symmetry or whatever.

PS: I see another "ugly" thread out there, but anyway. It's "feel ugly" season, ladies and gentlemen.

I don't see where you've presented any evidence other than you're own personal feelings. It's easy to find a spot or a line or a flaw and compare it to some photoshopped concept and decide you don't live up to an imaginary idea of beauty. But the truth is that imperfection is where beauty actually lies.

If you want a means of comparison, I have to fish for compliments from my own wife. I've spent my life being actually told I was ugly and women would actually step away from me. So I've got evidence that I'm no Hugh Jackman.

So I'm betting you aren't ugly at all really.

[Webgoji]

Originally Posted by Dan208

I know exactly how you feel. I've never been told I'm ugly, or been made fun of for being so, but I've always had low self esteem and view myself as such. I've actually been told by numerous people that I'm handsome, good looking, etc, but I just don't see it.

Must be nice. I've been told the exact opposite most of my life. Seems like you need to work on believing people instead of brushing off their compliments.