[Dan208]

My best friend moved back home almost a month ago. We only knew each other for a short time from work, about a year but in that year we became extremely close. She is only one of three people that I've about my mental health issues. I truly do have a deep love for her, something I've only ever felt for my daughter and wife.

I'm having a hard time dealing with her leaving. It probably wouldn't be so bad if she was closer and had reasons to come back, but she's almost 1000 miles away and all her family is where she is. I usually like my job, but since she left I don't look forward to going there anymore. Just when I think I'm starting to accept it I relapse. Just this morning I was sitting at the computer drinking my coffee and I totally broke down and started crying. All day at work I had to fight the urge to just start sobbing and had to go to the bathroom multiple times to compose myself.

I know the grieving period is different for everyone, but how long is this going to last? Why can't I get her out of my head? I can't concentrate on anything lately and I'm afraid it's going to start showing at home and work.

A friend who understands us and sees us as we really are is very precious. You sound like you are understandably grieving her loss.

You might try thinking about what you've lost with her leaving and how to find it in other places. It doesn't have to be one person, and it probably won't be. It may be a combination of psychotherapy, support groups, hobbies, opportunities to meet new people, and other things that you come up with. Those things may change and evolve as you get past her absence.

I have experienced something similar to what you're talking about. It was enormously painful. I don't connect with people all that easily, so when I do meet someone who sees me as I am and really seems to "get" me, it is devastating to lose contact with that person.

I have found that a number of activities and people can replace that to some extent. It's not as soul-satisfying, but it can be almost as good.

[brainhi]

I understand your pain as well. Like jo_thorne said.. there are very few people that I can be me with and have a mutual love and friendship. You had/have an emotional attachment. There is no quick answer for your pain.. but you did receive some good advice above.

The more you keep her "alive" in your brain... the harder it is to let go. It's just going to take time and I hope you reach out for support to get through it.

Maybe you can work your way to a long distance friendship. I have a very good friend who lives across the country.. we have been friends for decades - I do not see her very often but we still have an amazing friendship. The most important value regarding this friendship is, mutual understanding and great "give and take".. over the phone.

If I understand correctly, you are married and this person happens to be a female. That can be very difficult as well. Does your wife understand this friendship?

[Dan208]

Thank you for the replies. We still talk occasionally through Facebook, texting and Snapchat, but it's still not the same. She has admitted that she's horrible at returning texts and I sometimes feel like I'm being obsessive by sending her a message and it takes her a long time to respond, or not at all.

If I understand correctly, you are married and this person happens to be a female. That can be very difficult as well. Does your wife understand this friendship?

Yes, my wife does know about our friendship. I view her as a sister and my wife understands this. Friday night I came right out and asked her if we could go on vacation next year and visit her (she lives right by the beach and my wife has wanted to take a beach vacation for a few years now) and she said yes. That in itself has calmed me down considerably. I thought it would be years before I got to see her again, but now it looks like it might just be over a year away. I'm hoping that goodbye won't be as hard as this last one though.

[brainhi]

Well it looks like you will not have to let her go entirely. Good luck.. the distance does not have to ruin the friendship. But it looks like you will have to work on your confidence.. it can be a lot expecting someone else to be there... or if you get concerned because they do not respond quickly enough. The attachment should not be obsessive.

[Crazy Hitch]

I think that friendships are very valuable Dan and I am sorry to hear that your friend has gone back home. I understand what it's like to be separated by distance with true friends and it can be quite painful. The fact that you two were close confidents I can understand would hurt you more, regardless of the fact that you have an MI, means no less or no more when true friendships are formed.

1000 miles away is far

I don't know how long this will last.

I've moved continents a number of times, which is why I relate to your post. My true friends that I found and I became close to, I was separated by distance.

But somehow or other, there are ways and means you can find in order to maintain a sense of contact. It's a global world we live in connected by the internet. As much as you could be continents away from where I'm living right now

No, this is absolutely not the same or any kind of substitute for what you feel when you go into work, the emotional void. So I don't know how long this will last. But remember, the workplace is a dynamic and changing environment. People come and go (put the fact that your friend left aside for a sec). You just don't know who could be joining your organisation in a month, or 6 months for now.

My wish for you is that you will maintain contact with your close friend. And admist the pain be able to form new relationships too.

Let us know how you go.