[kala83]

so i have been on here for a while and anyone that knows me farily well or pays attension to me...knows I don't have super great relationship with my mother.

its never gotten a point of physical abuse like it did with my father.
even though he was not what i would call physically abusive he just would use phyical mean to get his point across a fair amount of the time.

my mom has gotten better in how we both interact with each other mostly I try really hard to just not be around her as often and give her space.

but I have started noticing that the little things she says at the ends of her statements or setenaces have more sting to them then her main message
saying things such as
"I don't know why anyone would do that"
"why did you do this"
"you really are crazy.."

these kinds of statements really do add a punch to what she says and I am getting to a point where i can brush off what she says.

lol I feel like that’s due I started a good working at a political telemarketing office in town and lol wow do people use colourful language when they speak to telemarketers.

in a way the job has been both good and bad for me. its made toughen up and grow a thicker skin, and be able to brush off what people say some what of the time.
I would not say this true all the time cause well if you have an emotion disorder. its gonna be there and stay there for a while....you just have to learn to deal and cope with things.

and sometimes that was easy for me sometimes it was not.

but still dealing with this kind of thing when I am at home is not fun or what I want to deal with at all.
but this what is really driving me to save up my money and get out of this house.

I love my mom I truly do...but living with her is just not a good or healthy thing for me or her.

[avlady]

since you can realize this is unhealthy for you i do suggest you move out. it would be the best decision-good luck

[Chickenkicker]

Originally Posted by kala83

so i have been on here for a while and anyone that knows me farily well or pays attension to me...knows I don't have super great relationship with my mother.

its never gotten a point of physical abuse like it did with my father.
even though he was not what i would call physically abusive he just would use phyical mean to get his point across a fair amount of the time.

my mom has gotten better in how we both interact with each other mostly I try really hard to just not be around her as often and give her space.

but I have started noticing that the little things she says at the ends of her statements or setenaces have more sting to them then her main message
saying things such as
"I don't know why anyone would do that"
"why did you do this"
"you really are crazy.."

these kinds of statements really do add a punch to what she says and I am getting to a point where i can brush off what she says.

lol I feel like that’s due I started a good working at a political telemarketing office in town and lol wow do people use colourful language when they speak to telemarketers.

in a way the job has been both good and bad for me. its made toughen up and grow a thicker skin, and be able to brush off what people say some what of the time.
I would not say this true all the time cause well if you have an emotion disorder. its gonna be there and stay there for a while....you just have to learn to deal and cope with things.

and sometimes that was easy for me sometimes it was not.

but still dealing with this kind of thing when I am at home is not fun or what I want to deal with at all.
but this what is really driving me to save up my money and get out of this house.

I love my mom I truly do...but living with her is just not a good or healthy thing for me or her.

Sometimes mothers get toxic because anger and their disappointment that you didn't measure up to what they wanted is all they can see. It covers up love and concern for their children and instead, turns into a selfish pity-pot affair where they posture themselves as the victim. I lived that for 56yrs until my distributor of hate finally passed away.

When I was 37 I moved to CA to escape the constant barrage of disdain from her. She was toxic and I had to stay away to save myself. I had finally found relief...pulled that dagger out of my heart and proceeded to heal.

[BLUEDOVE]

Now there's a lesson from 'Chicken',please take it!
I have following stuck up in my kitchen:" You get the behavior
from people that you're willing to put up with without protest:
YOUR SILENCE IS CONSENT!" And I must add,no wonder
you have all those conditions; you are sick because you living
with someone else who is sick . . . . and it is CONTAGIOUS!
It is YOUR responsibility to look after YOU,please do so.
Meanwhile,get this for M. and work: Answer in PROBABILITIES, E.G. "You're always doing that" answer:
"Yeah,you COULD be right",or "Yeah,I can understand why you
might think that" (means nothing,leaves critic puzzled), and a
2 word answer," Yeah,possibly" and "Yeah,you're probably right enough". All probabilities, but YOU KNOW BETTER!
Go get em tiger
Deepest Respect,
BLUEDOVE

[kala83]

I will still have to be at her house for a year possibly longer but I am setting a goal for myself of getting out of this house within two years and and I am going to do so any way I can already work at telemarketing office here in town and have started working online doing web cam modelling and I hope to find another in town job. Just do as much as I can to pay of debts and save money so i can get out is my pain priority from here on out.

[DaveH]

My mom and I got along best when we had as little to do with each other as possible. I loved her, but I couldn't stand to be around her. She passed away recently, and I was more relieved than in grief. She was selfish and manipulative (probably narcissist, but nothing official on that) ... and the epiphany for me was realizing that it had nothing to do with me. It left me free to be able to love her without being in the position where I had to be approved by her. When I moved out of my parents home, it was weeks before I could stop saying constantly to myself, "why didn't you move out sooner?" So consider the possibilty your deadline is really necessary, and whether you can get out sooner. It may improve things for you ... and if not, at least you aren't subject to it as much.

[Crazy Hitch]

I am sorry to hear that the relationship with your mother is strained. That's a tough call, as mothers, as you know, are one of the first people with whom we form a bond with as infants.

I think it's good that you give each other space, I think that this is important for your own mental health.

Hmmm. Honestly? I don't like the remarks that you have listed that your mother says to you. Nobody deserves this. And you are better than that. I'm sorry that you have to hear that.

I think that you have a lot of sense about you. And you have a really true sense of self and what it is that you do / do not deserve.

And this, I believe, will stand you in good stead.

Because no matter how bad the comments / actions of your mother are - please don't let her break you.

You seem to be a gentle soul with a kind spirit and I wish that that will nurture and grow within yourself.

Let us know how it goes.

[kala83]

I totally agree with dove that the longer I live in my mother's house the more I enable her to continue to think that this kind of behavior is ok and its fine for to act this way and treat others in harsh ways......and be little them if need be.
the oddist thing is my mom can go from being kind a loving to a total ***** the in course of a few minutes. And as harsh as it sounds the MAIN the lesson I have learned while living at home with her again is that, I can only take what she says with a grain of salt, an just focus on being in control of me and myself and when she does things that hurt in an emtional way take myself outside of the situation and do what I need to get through the incident.

I can not change how my mom is or show does things, nor can I change that as of right now I do not have the fincial means to be able to get out of where I am.... right now but I do know i can get myself out of that situation and into a better one if I work hard enough to be able to do so.

in the terms of DBT I am left with really just having to radically accept things right now for how they are...knowing what I do have control over and what I do not and know that getting myself away from this behavior is the best thing for the both of us in the long run.

trust me even my own boyfriend and both of my girlfriends who live out of state know that me being where I am is not a good situation for me to be in and I need to get out of it...so if I don't get myself out of this lol one of my several life partners probably will get me out of it at some point soon.

[Dog on a Tree]

It's good that you have decided to move out. It's the best thing for you. All the best.