How to keep the wrong people from creeping into your thoughts?

I finally got the courage and had the confidence to let go of some friends who weren't good for me, and some who didn't want to be friends anymore anyway, and I've really been a lot happier and doing well since I made that decision several weeks ago, but for some reason this week the guy who doesn't want to be friends anymore is back in my thoughts. I know he's not good for me regardless of what he thought of me, so maybe I'm just lonely and missing the attention of a guy. Whatever it is, I wish my brain would turn those thoughts off. I'm by myself this weekend with no big distractions and really don't want to think about him. I guess I'll try and focus on my craft projects or watch a movie. I need to stay off Facebook too. I just saw a picture of him at the beach with a friend of mine, so that didn't help. I think maybe because I haven't replaced him or the other friends I let go of with new people yet, they're still in the back of my mind and creep forward now and then.

Stay busy. That helps. I obsess over people and things so staying busy is the key for me

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stay busy i say too, you don't want to substitute one thing for another.

My t recommends staying busy too. She says too much idle time is bad. Makes one think obsessive thoughts

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I'm trying. I think I'm just lonely and miss the male attention. I don't miss my female friends I've let go, only him.

Maybe you miss being in romantic relationship rather than just a friend?

How about you start maybe using dating sites and go on some dates even just to get out there? As long as you are careful ( a lot of scammers out there and I was a victim myself) it is safe. Just be smart. Try eharmony they have better protection against scammers. I believe me and you are the same age. Never too late

When I advised staying busy I meant it's good when you are getting over someone or something. But I don't believe in getting yourself too busy so it prevents you from finding connections with people.

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I plan larger, new projects for awhile from now. Are you planning to go to school, change jobs, move, travel, anything like that in the next 1-5 years? Concentrating on your own future like that moves people who will not be in that life way out of your thoughts for good :-)

It's normal for people to come back to your thoughts when you don't want them to. It still happens to me sometimes with people that I cut out of my life..... like half my life ago! Oh man that sounds sorta pathetic.

Yet I know it isn't actually pathetic. It's normal. Especially when it's a new decision and change... it's normal to question and doubt yourself, and to miss the person. But when you do, you need to remind yourself as to why the connection has been severed - remind yourself why it's healthier the way that it is. Acknowledge that you miss him, and why (you've said here that you feel it's just male attention that you're missing... totally normal and alright!) and then remind yourself why HIS attention isn't really worth wanting.

Then do something else. If you can't shake the thoughts... have a pretend conversation in your head. Turn it into a scenario where you tell them ALL the thoughts in your head that you likely never shared with them out of anxiety/politeness/whatever.

And you're spot-on about the fact that they are showing up consistently in your thoughts as you don't have other people around. But you aren't going to be replacing anybody. That makes it sound like you have only a limited amount of slots for friends, when you don't - it's limitless. You just haven't met the right people, yet. The more healthy interactions you have, combined with more time, will make the resurfacing thoughts less frequent and easier to handle.

I do plan on getting back in the dating game, but I'm giving myself until the end of August to get my life and head together so I don't fall into the same trap of being insecure and needy and make the same mistakes I did before. I'm using that date because I have a coupon for match.com that I already paid for that expires August 31. It was $22 for 3 months. I've thought about Eharmony, but they're too expensive. They have deals, but they make you pay the entire amount at once, where match lets you pay each month at a time even if you choose a 3 or 6 month package. I think you have to weed out men no matter what site you're on. I think it's just the positive male attention in general that I miss. Since I never got it from my dad or any other men in my life, I get sucked in too easily when a guy pays attention to me and is supportive and encouraging. I'm like a dry sponge and they're the water.

Yesterday when that guy popped into my head I had to literally say "stop" out loud and tell myself all the reasons I don't even want him as a friend. I think knowing that some of the friends in that group I'm still talking to are friends with him, it makes me feel bad that he wants to be friends with them and not me, but then I need to remind myself why he's not someone I even want to be friends with.

I do have a project I'm working on that I'm trying to use as a way to help me move forward. I'm making some crafts that I want to try and sell on Etsy and some local stores. I think doing that will help me feel like I've accomplished something on my own and help give me confidence. That's another reason I'm waiting a little while longer before I start trying to date or even go meet new friends. I want to have something to talk about that's interesting. I don't have money to travel and I'm still trying to find another job, so I don't really do very much since everything costs money.

Craft idea sound awesome. Also waiting is a good idea too. You are on a right track!

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