[indigo1015]

So much is going on for me right now that I am having trouble keeping grounded and sane. I hate my job with a passion, I've been looking for a new one for weeks now and have had little success. I don't understand it-- I am nationally certified in my field, I was a top student in my program, and all these places say they need new employees in my career... so why won't they employ me???? Am I really that pathetic that they won't take me? I feel horrible about my body too... I am undernourished and it affects me physically, emotionally, mentally... but every time I listen to my nutritionist and start building myself up to the correct amount of macronutrients I begin to gain weight, I can tell from how my clothes fit. This is horrifically upsetting to me and it makes me relapse. My body is very bad and evil and it won't do as I want it to. I feel like I cant win-- either I starve and deprive myself and am useless as a result, or I eat and get fat. I don't know which is worse. I would never judge someone for being overweight or obese, having been obese for many years of my life, but people around here do. I feel very detached from people, and I hate it. I am afraid of people, partly because of my job dealing with horrifically rude customers all the time, and partly from some pretty negative experiences I've had throughout my life. I would like to join groups with people who share my interests, but my work hours are such that it is difficult. I want so desperately to quit my job, I am tempted to just not come in today in fact... but I need the money and it would be unprofessional to do that and leave my coworkers short-handed. My family is almost 2000 miles away, and I am excited that I am visiting them in October, but right now I miss them greatly. I need a new job, friends, good health, and to feel connected, and of course I realize that only I can obtain those things for myself. But it's not happening and I am very desperate for every one of those items. Please help.

[seesaw]

Hey Indigo,

Sorry you are having such a tough time right now. Sounds like you are just overwhelmed with lots of things in your life. It can take a while to get a new job and there can be all sorts of reasons you haven't found the right one yet. Just try to take a positive spin on it, that the right one will come around and that's why you haven't found a new one yet.

You know, it's okay to be having a hard time. I feel like you're making yourself even worse because you feel bad that you're struggling. Struggling is natural. We're all on here dealing with difficult emotional issues and struggle is going to happen. But think of this: you know what you want, you are actively working on getting there, you're aware of the issues you're struggling with, and you are trying to make change. That so many positive things!!! Try not to be so hard on yourself and instead pat yourself on the back. And you have this exciting trip to visit your family coming up! I know it's cliche but focus on these positive things. What also helps me is to do proactive things. So with your job search, maybe it's time to redesign your resume so it looks different. Maybe try doing an informational interview with the company (you can call to set these up without being in search of a job) so you can get to know the company. It's often quite respectable to be like "I'm really interested in your company and I'd like to know more about it in case there is a job opening in the future." Then they may remember you when an opportunity arises and you throw your hat in the ring.

You are very professional, sticking it out in a bad job, that's a great positive thing. Take pride in your professionalism and keep working it up, it'll pay off when you need your job reference for the next job.

You are not pathetic. It's a tough job market out there right now, but the right position will come along.

(((Hugs)))
Seesaw

[Thunder Bow]

Maybe in October, you should move one way, to be closer to your family. If you feel happy being in that area, then move there. The Employment situation there, might be better than where you are looking for work now.

[indigo1015]

I thought about moving back, but actually the job situation is better where I am now, and honestly, I really think this is the best place for me. I just need to open up and develop relationships out here. It's not the location, it's me...