[Boxer789]

Hey.
I have been a very emotional and sensitive girl all my life. When I was little if anyone ever even yelled at me I would go on crying for hours. I would always be insecure or feel left out and cry all the time. I would cry on the stupidest things. And be affected on everything.
I have been like this till a month ago. I am 19 now btw.
In 2013 when my grandpa passed away I was a mess. I cried the most in my entire family. I broke down in school so many times. I was a mess for months.
A month ago my grandma passed away and I was emotionless. Like ya I miss her and stuff but I haven't cried even once. And I was closer to her than my grandpa.
I seriously feel emotionless. I don't know why I am being like this. Am I heartless now?
And recently my brother got engaged and ya I'm happy but I'm not as excited as I have always been about his wedding. I used to tell people I'll tear up whenever it happens. Now I'm just okay with it.
I know some people will say its growing up. But I have seen so many grown ups cry when someone passes away. I didn't even cry when my grandma who I have lived with for 8 years passed away.
What's wrong with me?
I don't like this change.
I miss the old me who cared about everything and everyone.
I feel like I have a cold heart.
As well as I have been distracted from college for the past 6 months. I seriously can not concentrate. It's so weird. My life seems like its going no where.ugh

Hi Boxer, welcome to PC.

I'm sorry that you are feeling that way. It sounds like the 'blahs". It's causes can be either physical or mental. Have you had a physical lately? Getting enough sleep? To much stress from college life? Eating well? Exercising? Do you have a counselor or a therapist to speak too?

We need you to get back on track because this sounds like it's negatively influencing your life. It's a bad time for the mind to go on vacation now.

It also sounds like depression has creeped in, but we need to have the physical aspect checked out first to rule out medical deficiencies.

And yes, I've been so depressed and out of it to feel bad over something like a death in the family. Please take care and see your GP.

[iwonderaboutstuff]

No, you're not heartless. The floodgates will open for grandma when you least expect it. There's no right or wrong way to grieve

[DBTDiva]

Originally Posted by Boxer789

Hey.
I have been a very emotional and sensitive girl all my life. When I was little if anyone ever even yelled at me I would go on crying for hours. I would always be insecure or feel left out and cry all the time. I would cry on the stupidest things. And be affected on everything.
I have been like this till a month ago. I am 19 now btw.
In 2013 when my grandpa passed away I was a mess. I cried the most in my entire family. I broke down in school so many times. I was a mess for months.
A month ago my grandma passed away and I was emotionless. Like ya I miss her and stuff but I haven't cried even once. And I was closer to her than my grandpa.
I seriously feel emotionless. I don't know why I am being like this. Am I heartless now?
And recently my brother got engaged and ya I'm happy but I'm not as excited as I have always been about his wedding. I used to tell people I'll tear up whenever it happens. Now I'm just okay with it.
I know some people will say its growing up. But I have seen so many grown ups cry when someone passes away. I didn't even cry when my grandma who I have lived with for 8 years passed away.
What's wrong with me?
I don't like this change.
I miss the old me who cared about everything and everyone.
I feel like I have a cold heart.
As well as I have been distracted from college for the past 6 months. I seriously can not concentrate. It's so weird. My life seems like its going no where.ugh

I'm sure you've heard of the stages of grief - Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance. It sounds like you are stuck in denial. Not that you deny she's no longer here, but you're denying yourself the grief. I am also a really emotionally sensitive person, and when our emotions are so big and overwhelming, it can be easier to just not feel them. You may on some level be stopping yourself from grieving because you think if you cry you may never stop. You might try seeing a counselor, since you are in school they probably have an on-campus counseling center or something like that where you can see someone for little or no money. If you're not comfortable with that, try setting aside a time to grieve. Like tell yourself, ok Saturday from 2-3pm I'm going to just feel this. You could try some journaling prompts, like these Grief & Loss Worksheets | Psychology Tools or just google you'll find plenty of free resources.

[OurLadysTears]

I believe a big part of it is one of the stages of growing up. I can only tell you from personal experiences though. I was once more of a sensitive gal as well. Tough experiences made me a stronger person. There are a lot of situations that happen to me personally or happen around me where the normal response is to get emotional and cry but I usually don't. It doesn't mean that you don't care. It doesn't mean that you are heartless. It means you've learned to look at things in a different way and you've learned to cope differently. Although I don't shed tears often anymore, I find myself laying awake at night drilling my brain with thoughts about certain situations. Instead, I experience anxiety. I've found a lot of people grow old and regain certain sensitive expressions. Another stage of life and neither of us will understand it until we get there. To find you posting about your worries in fact shows that you do care. You are a strong person. Don't let the common belief make you think otherwise, friend.