[Artchic528]

Up until just recently, I was fine being single and dating wasn't a top priority for me. Then one day I kind of overheard my kid brother gush to my mom about a girl he had met and was dating. This unleashed a flood of emotions in me that I can barely comprehend, like jealousy and competitiveness. I raced to the only means I know to find a guy successfully and began to search online dating sites.

Why am I suddenly feeling like this? Every time my kid brother and his girlfriend hole up in his bedroom, the emotions get worse. I feel almost angry, both at myself and at him. It's not his fault by any stretch of the imagination. He's just enjoying himself with his newfound love.

Same thing happened when my mom's friend began dating his girlfriend. Mom's friend is around my age but I honestly never felt any attraction towards him. Then suddenly he has a gf and I am finding myself avoiding talking to them both as they show up at the house a fair bit. I avoid them because I just don't want to act out at them. Again it's nobodies fault here, just my stupid emotions.

Am I being possessive? How can I stop feeling this way when dating and/or sex is going on all around me? I want to feel happiness for them both. I really do. However, something within me, call it the monster that dwells within if you will, won't let me. I just want to be able to let this monster go.

[LadyShadow]

I have this as well. It has subsided over time. It was really bad when I was on Facebook when I would see people gush about their relationships.

I think for me the realization happened when I suddenly woke up and said to myself its okay to be alone. I know you said you didn't feel like dating and you were happy single, but were you really?

It will bother you, until you are really honest with yourself. Brutal but the truth. Also those dating sites for a quick bandaid for a relationship could cause more trouble than its worth. (Experience talking)

But I do hope you find peace of mind soon. Good luck!

[divine1966]

When you look at happy couples you don't really know what's going on. Just because they are in a relationship or look happy it doesn't mean things are great or always be that way.

I don't envy others as I am not a victim. but I did have one moment of weakness when I thought heck why other women stay happily married their whole life to one person and I don't have that? I told my t about it.

Her response was that I don't even know how these married couples live and what is really going on. Many women stay married to unacceptable partners because they have no guts to leave. Some marriages are very miserable. Sure many have good marriages. But you don't know that by just looking at people. She is right.

Tell yourself you aren't a victim and don't worry about others


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Artchic528]

Thanks PlatinumHeart and Divine. I understand where you are coming from Divine, but not all relationships are victims being held with power by their abusers. I know you don't see relationships with a positive light very often, but I know there are some that are filled with nothing but trust and love. All I have to do is look at my grandparents. 63 years and going strong.

Platinum, I think I found a way to inner peace. I am finally embracing the act of finding things I love about myself and indulging in that feeling of self love. I am starting off with physical attributes and going from there. I think they call it self discovery of sorts. I am thinking that by loving myself more fully, I can quell those jealous feelings a bit.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Artchic528

Thanks PlatinumHeart and Divine. I understand where you are coming from Divine, but not all relationships are victims being held with power by their abusers. I know you don't see relationships with a positive light very often, but I know there are some that are filled with nothing but trust and love. All I have to do is look at my grandparents. 63 years and going strong.

Platinum, I think I found a way to inner peace. I am finally embracing the act of finding things I love about myself and indulging in that feeling of self love. I am starting off with physical attributes and going from there. I think they call it self discovery of sorts. I am thinking that by loving myself more fully, I can quell those jealous feelings a bit.

I do see relationships positively! Know many people who are doing well. I am in a very good relationship right now myself . I wouldn't be if I didn't look at it positively. Its not what I am saying.

I am saying there is no point to worry what others have as very many have bad relationships ( just read on this board let alone look in real life) yet you don't know that by just looking and envying

I was telling you what my t says. my t says when you look at couple and think oh they are happily married you don't really know if that's the case. T says it's more commendable to leave unacceptable relationships than have low standards and stick around so you can say you are married.

So there is no point to envy others. I was trying to help you not to worry what others have because You don't really know what's happening behind close doors. You might be better off.

When I said "victims" I didn't mean "abusers and victims" I mean when you ( in general not "you") envy others, you act as a victim. And that's unproductive.

Also not every unsuccessful relationship is between abusers and victims. Sometimes things just don't work out.

I know if things stop working I'd leave. I enjoy relationships but there is nothing wrong in being single either ( you can do whatever the heck you want lol). I live alone right now and I thought I would never like it, I was afraid to get sad living alone but I LOVE it. At least for the time being



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Xaldin]

If there's anyone that can relate, it would definitely be me.

I'll quote a section of what I posted in my intro post.

"Never had a girlfriend or any kind of relationship. Stopped trying after high school. Been rejected, Ive had an online friend choose another friend over me. For a couple years after high school, I mostly didnt try to care about relationships. But honestly now at 23... never experiencing any kind of love or intimacy... There are no words.... to describe the pain I feel from that void. Not to mention anger, envy and jealousy. Maybe even hate."

I also mentioned in my post how Ive always been a loner kid, was bullied, have an alcoholic parent etc.

So growing up believing most of the time I was never loved as a human being. Or at least felt that way. And lately its been getting the better of me, hence why Im here.

So believe me, I can relate. The feelings of "Why not me? Why can't I be with or have some one? Why must I be alone and suffer in silence?" And I think Ive been learning the more you keep asking yourself those questions, you just feel pain and anger because you dont know the answer. Or the answer wont show itself to you and tell you.
Also the jealousy is not so much of the person or who they are with, but of what they have. Trust me... I get those feelings regardless of who it is, could be a friend or family member.

[Artchic528]

Omg!!

My brother has his gf over now and no jealous feelings! Maybe my newfound joy in loving myself is helping. I hope it lasts.

[divine1966]

I am so glad to hear it!

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk