[nak0604]

Ever since i talked to my close friend about changing my major i have not been able to describe what I'm feeling. Sometimes the best i can say is that I'm all over the place, other times all i can say is I'm confused. I don't know what to do or anything. Anyone have any advice?

[LaborIntensive]

I Have no idea what your looking for. Good luck with feeling better with your new major.

[nak0604]

Thanks, i was looking to possibly go with forestry.

[arachnophobia.kid]

Sounds like you might just be processing things, maybe it has something to do with changing your major, maybe not. Have there been any other major developments in life, or maybe something resurfacing from the past? I hope you find some clarity soon.

[Frankbtl]

Hi nak, big decision..........and telling your friend has probably made it feel more real for you or more of a commitment so naturally you're going to be a bit unsure about your feelings in general (?) or feeling things a little more (?).
And while it is really good that you seem to be taking things seriously/they're having an effect on you. maybe have a little more confidence in yourself/your decisions/where you want to go from here. And even trust your instincts or follow/trust your heart a little more??
If you want to go with forestry, if it feels right for you then go for it!! If not though don't worry about what you've told your friend or changing your mind, it's about what's right for you.
And hey, if you're really unsure/feeling pressured, just give yourself a bit longer to think about things, take your time. Nothing has to be now when you're thinking about something like that.
Alison

[nak0604]

Originally Posted by arachnophobia.kid

Sounds like you might just be processing things, maybe it has something to do with changing your major, maybe not. Have there been any other major developments in life, or maybe something resurfacing from the past? I hope you find some clarity soon.

Nothing has resurfaced from the past but lately I've been pretty sad about what my summer will be like, my closest friend is leaving the state and she's like the only person I talk to and everything.

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[nak0604]

Originally Posted by Frankbtl

Hi nak, big decision..........and telling your friend has probably made it feel more real for you or more of a commitment so naturally you're going to be a bit unsure about your feelings in general (?) or feeling things a little more (?).
And while it is really good that you seem to be taking things seriously/they're having an effect on you. maybe have a little more confidence in yourself/your decisions/where you want to go from here. And even trust your instincts or follow/trust your heart a little more??
If you want to go with forestry, if it feels right for you then go for it!! If not though don't worry about what you've told your friend or changing your mind, it's about what's right for you.
And hey, if you're really unsure/feeling pressured, just give yourself a bit longer to think about things, take your time. Nothing has to be now when you're thinking about something like that.
Alison

I don't really know what to do at all. My heart says stay close to my best friend as much as possibly my instincts tell me I should find something else I like. And I just don't know.

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[arachnophobia.kid]

It makes sense to me that you'd be reacting strongly to what's going on in your life. The anticipation of losing a best friend and transitioning into a new major at school could be bringing up a lot of mixed emotions. Maybe in your case these are emotions that you've never felt before and so are hard to identify. Do you think that's what's happening?

[Frankbtl]

Hi nak, you can still be close to your friend even if you change your major, can't you? Afterall there can be a lot more to friendship than seeing each other x times a day/week.
True there might be a bit of a distance between you if you go your "separate ways" with your majors but that doesn't necessarily need to be a distance you can't bridge in time, once you work out a schedule in still remaining in contact, once you see/share the deeper things in the friendship.
If the friendship's meant to last it'll hold out whatever, and if it doesn't then there's still the opportunity to develop friendships just as (if not more?) meaningful as you go on with your new major, as you go on through life.
A friendship is supposed to help you be all that you can be, whatever the situation, not hold you back in what you want to do. So maybe give it a go and see where it leads if the major is right for you??
I know that it can be real tough letting go, but either you're not going to have to let go (and it'll show you how strong the friendship is) or you're going to be able to "spread your wings" and give something new a go.
Then even if the new major doesn't work out at least you'll have tried, at least you'll know. No looking back and thinking "What if...".
But tell you what, why don't you have more of a look into what the new major involves first, maybe talk to students (?) doing it/who've done it, or talk to the tutor. And also have a deeper look into where it may take you when you've finished it??
Just go with what feels right for you.
Alison

[nak0604]

Originally Posted by arachnophobia.kid

It makes sense to me that you'd be reacting strongly to what's going on in your life. The anticipation of losing a best friend and transitioning into a new major at school could be bringing up a lot of mixed emotions. Maybe in your case these are emotions that you've never felt before and so are hard to identify. Do you think that's what's happening?

Possibly, not really sure.

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[nak0604]

Originally Posted by Frankbtl

Hi nak, you can still be close to your friend even if you change your major, can't you? Afterall there can be a lot more to friendship than seeing each other x times a day/week.
True there might be a bit of a distance between you if you go your "separate ways" with your majors but that doesn't necessarily need to be a distance you can't bridge in time, once you work out a schedule in still remaining in contact, once you see/share the deeper things in the friendship.
If the friendship's meant to last it'll hold out whatever, and if it doesn't then there's still the opportunity to develop friendships just as (if not more?) meaningful as you go on with your new major, as you go on through life.
A friendship is supposed to help you be all that you can be, whatever the situation, not hold you back in what you want to do. So maybe give it a go and see where it leads if the major is right for you??
I know that it can be real tough letting go, but either you're not going to have to let go (and it'll show you how strong the friendship is) or you're going to be able to "spread your wings" and give something new a go.
Then even if the new major doesn't work out at least you'll have tried, at least you'll know. No looking back and thinking "What if...".
But tell you what, why don't you have more of a look into what the new major involves first, maybe talk to students (?) doing it/who've done it, or talk to the tutor. And also have a deeper look into where it may take you when you've finished it??
Just go with what feels right for you.
Alison

Take a look at this other thread: http://forums.psychcentral.com/showthread.php?t=333739

This friend means more then you think.

Based on my personality, letting go is practically impossible for me. Throughout my grade school years I never really had any friends until high school when I met Maddie, she was the only person I could talk to and truly connect with. I struggle with making new friends. I've shadowed a class for another major that I'm thinking about and it was interesting. I just need to look into it more probably.

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[Frankbtl]

Hi nak, just checked out your other thread and it sounds like you are really important to her too, so it doesn't sound like she's just going to turn her back on you if you do switch majors, in fact it sounds like she'd be really supportive of you.
I know the thought of not being quite so close to her (location wise) must be really difficult for you, but that won't need to mean that she's not still right there for you in other ways.
And maybe think about some of the things you truly appreciate about her. Now a lot of those will be the things she has said, the things she's said to make you feel that everything can be/is OK, the things she's said to let you know how strong a connection you have, how much you matter whatever, how strong you can be/are, how little some of the day-to-day problems matter............right??
And you can still have all those things with her. I know it won't be quite the same as face-to-face, but over the phone, by text, by e-mail.........those sentiments and the difference they can make are still going to be real in a sense aren't they?
The person you're communicating with is still going to be Maddie with the way she sees the word, with the way she sees you and understands you.
Maybe some of it will need to be about you getting used to communicating with her without being face-to-face, but I'm sure you can see her clearly in your mind when you're communicating. So maybe make use of that when you're in contact with her whatever way that may be.
And you know there are going to be times when she is right by your side (even when she isn't physically there) whether you try to imagine that or not, she'll be there. And allow that to happen if it helps e.g. when you're facing a new situation what's she going to be telling you to do/what's she going to be saying to you?
And, yes, look a bit more into another major like you said, but maybe talk to Maddie about it too, it does sound like she'd want the best for you, and that she'd be encouraging.
But you can also take all the strength/confidence/faith in yourself (?) she's given you over the time to support you in not being afraid (?) to say "I think that might be something I want to do". It sounds like you've got a lot from the friendship to strengthen you.
And you know any qualities you've liked in her like her determination, her individuality, her ability to take on different things (??) you can draw on them too, for yourself.
You can allow those things to breathe in you too, might not be easy but it sounds like she's given you a gift by being those things just like you've given her the gift of letting her know how much she matters. And she's given you the gift of letting you "be you" so let that lead your life in where you want to go/what you want to do.
Alison

[nak0604]

Yeah they are the same, im used to getting hugs from her every time i see her too and i guess its just really hard for me to see her leave for the summer. We've spend so much time together its crazy haha makes me sad just thinking about it that shes leaving the state. I just dont know why this is affecting me emotionally so much more then when she left to go to Spain for a couple of years. We skyped from time to time during that period when she was out of the country. I wasnt so emotionally broken then, but now im just a wreck. I guess its because i have feelings for her more now.

[Frankbtl]

Originally Posted by nak0604

Yeah they are the same, im used to getting hugs from her every time i see her too and i guess its just really hard for me to see her leave for the summer. We've spend so much time together its crazy haha makes me sad just thinking about it that shes leaving the state. I just dont know why this is affecting me emotionally so much more then when she left to go to Spain for a couple of years. We skyped from time to time during that period when she was out of the country. I wasnt so emotionally broken then, but now im just a wreck. I guess its because i have feelings for her more now.

Hi nak, sounds like you're a lot closer to her this time around, that closeness needn't go away though even if you're not together.
Perhaps agree before she goes when you'll be in contact e.g. we'll skype every Tuesday and Friday......? then at least you've got something to hold on to, there'll still be that connection there. And perhaps make the most of the time that you are in contact? You might want to write down things you've been doing that you want to talk to her about/tell her when you do get in touch. And you know if you're not facebooking (sharing photos) then you can still be sending each other photos, making a bit more of a connection?
And, hey, maybe write down some of your feelings. They don't have to be for anyone else but you, but it might help just to "let them out".
And you know just keep in mind what Maddie would want for you e.g. for you to be slowly meeting people? For you to be trying to enjoy some of the things you're doing? For you trying to do your best whatever major you do? And try to use that to give you a bit of strength. I'm sure she'd see it as there's so much more out there for you, right?? So maybe allow yourself to feel/experience that over time?
So she won't be "gone", in fact I'm sure that whatever happens she's going to have a place in your heart, it's just time to focus on you a bit more now. And you deserve that for yourself!!
Alison

[nak0604]

Maddie left a couple of days ago, I spent hours helping her pack up and move stuff. Turns out that she has no internet or service where she is. I have not heard from her since I saw her at 3 am when I left her house from helping her. I feel really lonely right now, I have no friends around now during summer and I am sad. I've texted her a couple of times, I'm hopefully she will get them and reply eventually.

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[Frankbtl]

Hi nak, I'm really sorry that must have been so hard for you to do, including the fact that you're not going to be able to keep in touch with her as much as you'd hoped.
But at least you've managed to text her, so even if she can't reply quickly she's still going to know that you're thinking of her. And maybe spend a bit of time writing/sending her a letter if you think you can express yourself better that way??
But just remember you might feel lonely but you're not alone, you still have us. And anything we can do to even slightly fill that gap, to even slightly break through that loneliness...........
Alison

[nak0604]

I don't have an address or anything of where she is there.

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[Frankbtl]

Hi nak, sorry about that I'm guessing that leaves you feeling even more isolated for her?? But you have done what you can by texting her.
And this is going to sound SO easier said than done......but maybe you could, for now. try to focus a bit on things that might distract you (if even only a little bit) from the waiting to hear from her.
But if/when that's hard to do (which I'm sure it will be) we're still here for you if you want to talk about it/how you're feeling/what you're thinking/anything!!!
Alison

[nak0604]

It does make me feel isolated from her. I might try to call her and see if it goes through tomorrow. I really miss her. I try to distract myself but I can't really focus on anything very well in the first place

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[artyaspie]

[quote]Possibly, not really sure.

Always find change really overwhelming, like being at sea in a very small boat! It sounds like you are doing something you really want to do so hang on in there.

[Frankbtl]

Hi nak, hopefully you'll get to speak to her then But maybe try to focus on one day at a time...........it can get better. And maybe try to let us distract you just a little too??
You're not alone.
Alison

[nak0604]

I didn't call her today, but I did see she posted a few photos. I sent her a message on Facebook so hopefully she will respond sometime soon.

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[nak0604]

I don't know if anyone still looks or reads stuff on here but wanted to let you all know, she is pretty distant with me and she's with someone else.

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[PennyD]

Don't stress yourself over her so much! There's other people in the world. If you try and hold on to it too tightly you're just going to end up breaking it. I know how that feels too, but please don't worry, you're never alone!

[nak0604]

Yeah, I know. I need to get out more xP

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