Deep shame over meltdown

i have been struggling with anxiety and obsessive worry for some time now, some days are more of s struggle than others. I had a part time (3.5 hours daily) teaching assistant job, that over the last few years I was increasingly unhappy at. I wanted to quit many times, but the fear of letting down my staff kept me from doing it. The last two weeks have been a real emotional roller coaster for me, I can't really pinpoint why, I think it's the culmination of a very stressful few years of personal and work issues. I was out of work for 3 days with a legitimate illness, and returned this Wednesday, As soon as I walked through the door, I was gripped by a panic attack so severe I thought I would stop breathing. I called my supervisor over, burst into tears, and told her I needed to resign immediately. I could not give a specific reason why I had to leave, but by my behavior it was pretty obvious I had lost it. She and the rest of the staff were empathetic, I packed up my few belongings, and left a job I've had for 12 years. I thought I would feel this incredible sense of relief at leaving a job I honestly hated, but 2 days later all I feel is incredible guilt about how I left, and for causing worry to my co workers. I have never really acted in such an irrational way before, I just emotionally popped. I'm afraid to leave my house for fear of running into one of them, or trying to explain why I did what I did, I'm still trying to process it. All I know is right now, i wish 1. I could go back and do it over it a more professional manner. Or 2. Disappear until the fall out is over. I wish I was a stronger, less cowardly person. I don't expect any help, honestly it just feels good to get this out. Thank you for taking the time to read.

No need to feel guilty. You done the right thing. Replace the shame with a strong sense of Pride. It took a lot of Courage to do what you done.

I can relate, because I have meltdowns at work sometimes that are just horrendous and I find them so shameful. I know my behavior is not typical but I'm stuck with my reactions, even though I work with my T to try to manage them better.

What strikes me about your story here, though, is that you left a job that was overwhelming for you. You decided you couldn't do it and you LEFT. That's such a moment to be proud of. Lots of people work jobs they hate because they are too afraid to leave, or fall into the ritual of doing what they have always done. You broke out of that and took action. That's something to value.

I know you wish you had done it differently, but you DID it and now you can look inside to find out what would make you happier. You've really taken a step towards empowering yourself.

You don't know how much all your kind, encouraging words mean to me. It was a huge, frightening moment for me, because I had to finally confront my anxiety, and showed me that I really need to get a handle on my emotional state. My guilt is a little less today, because in the end I know that what I did was best for me, and because of what you both wrote. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.