[tetris]

I've been plagued with a plethora of conflicting thoughts and needs for awhile now, and I want to move forward, but I don't know what to do:

(A quick background about me: I'm a recent grad, currently job-searching, and live in a city. I have no interests and have low self-esteem. Great intro, yeah? *sarcasm in that last bit*)

-I want to be worthwhile, but I feel like I'm worthless because I haven't done anything useful, but I don't have the skill to do anything worthwhile, nor do I know what it is I want to do
-I want to be someone that people can lean on and laugh with, but I'm too reserved to be open like that. (I'm also not really socially equipped either since I don't really follow any trends or industries)
-I want to be successful (financially and career-wise), but I'm also unfortunately really lazy and just want to hole up in my room and watch anime/ read fanfiction all day
-I want to have many practical skills (e.g. be artistic, be able to create stuff, be physically skilled) but I'm too easily distracted or give up quickly for it to get anywhere

I guess my short-term goal is to get a (somewhat decent) job to get by, but then what? I don't know what I want to do in life, and I'm in an endless cycle of wanting to do something but not knowing what to do, so then I just want to enjoy myself but don't let myself do that because I want to do something more useful. And rinse and repeat. I feel like if I have an interest or passion, it'd help guide me, but I don't feel much for anything, so I'm not sure what to do.

Sorry if it's a confusing post, but I'm super confused too so....any advice is appreciated..?

[Skeezyks]

Hi tetris: Welcome to PC! PC is a great place to find both support & mental health related information. There are many caring members here who have lots of experience to draw from. I don't know that I have much of anything useful to offer in the way of suggestions. I recall, many years ago, feeling much the way you do. And I know there are many others who struggle with the same concerns.

Have you considered doing some volunteer work while you look for a job? It would get you out, meeting people, & it would also look great on your resume or on job applications. You could just do a few hours a week. And you could probably find something that would suite your present level of sociability. Many times there are organizations that maintain listings of volunteer opportunities. There may well be something of this sort where you live that you could check out on-line. Looking through the listings might help you to get an idea of what type of thing might work for you.

Anyway,,, it's a thought. My best wishes to you!

[tetris]

I've considered volunteer work and I know it can be helpful, but there are just so many factors that are against it, like
-I can't choose what I want to do since there are so many options (major one here)
-I don't get paid (another major one)
-I feel like I'm wasting time/ not gaining from it, since i could use my time for other stuff
-The time commitment is too much/ I don't know where I will be farther down the road and if I can commit to it
-I'll get bored easily (it's happened before when I volunteered) and WON'T be able to commit to it

At the same time, I can think of many reasons to counter my above cons. (And hence, my plethora of conflicting thoughts.).

I'll definitely keep this in mind though. Logically, I know it's a sound option, and I personally would recommend it to others. There are just too many options to choose from, and non that I feel strongly about, and I feel that's what's mainly stopping me.

[Thunder Bow]

Better to understand yourself instead of judging yourself. Seeing a Therapist could help you do that.

[tetris]

Originally Posted by Thunder Bow

Better to understand yourself instead of judging yourself. Seeing a Therapist could help you do that.

I don't really have the money for therapy, nor am I sure how helpful they'd be :/ i've seen therapists while I was at school (it was free because it was part of our tuition) but I personally didn't think they were very helpful. I'm not sure if therapists are the same throughout different institutions though.

For the career anxiety, most of the advice I received was to follow my passions or interests (which I don't have, or am unaware of). For the being reserved part, they put me through a set of workshops focused on overcoming anxiety, but I had no problem with that because it was all very shallow and constructed. I hadn't mentioned anything about the worthlessness because it wasn't my priority at the time.

A few other things I didn't find helpful: they tried to get me to do some mindfulness exercises, but when I tried those, I either became bored easily or I literally had no thoughts whatsoever to take note of. And, whenever we talked, I detested when they said things like, "I'm sorry that happened to you", or "You were very brave for doing x". For me, it doesn't matter if you feel sorry for me, or if you think I was brave (or whatever else) for doing something. The events were too insignificant to be of value to me. I do see a lot of people using those phrases, though, so maybe those sentiments are helpful to some people? I dunno, but it's curious to hear many people use it :/

tl;dr Not sure if therapy is something that will be helpful for me + don't have the money for it

[Thunder Bow]

It is most important to Understand, rather than Judge. Understanding means knowledge. Judging means ignorance. Ignorance = Stupidification, and Knowledge = Power.

They were saying those things to give you support. Maybe you feel unworthy of their support. Depression is the common cause of lack of passion and interest. Anxiety and depression go together quite well. So does anger. Even the most insignificant event can be empowering. They all add up.