Lots of crap going down, would like help.

Okay. Now obviously I'm going to sound crazy for saying all of this but I'd just like to get it all out there.

I was a chronic marijuana smoker for a good 8 or 9 months. I recently had the hugest panic attack I ever thought could ever happen while high and I thought I was going to die. I started making myself throwing up because I thought I ate bad food and I felt like I was going to throw up and have diarrhea. No one except my brother knows what I mean when I say I knew I was sick, but I knew it. I get this 6th sense when I'm high. I can read peoples' emotions and weird **** always happens when I'm high. It's fun and good except this instance.

Alright, so for about 4 days after this happened I was thinking I was sick. And I was having panic attacks on and off. Some bad and some not too bad. I stopped smoking weed for obvious reasons. And since that episode, I've been feeling a lump in my throat every night either when I lay down or after I eat fried foods. It doesn't feel pleasant. Bearable, but quite unpleasant. I read up on acid reflux but 1. It doesn't make sense for me to all of the sudden get acid reflux and 2. I don't get heartburn or taste acid in my mouth or any of the other symptoms.

Now, I know this has nothing to do with my unhealthy psyche. I'm getting there. For the past couple years, I've had this feeling I'm not going to make it past 19 years old. Like I'm going to die or not complete my life. And it scares me a lot. I don't talk with it to anyone because my parents have always put off my depression or anxiety or any problems I bring to them. I haven't seen a therapist because I will not take pills. Also, I have a fear of a therapist sending me to a nut house when they hear all the **** going on in my head.

This fear of inevitable death at a young age has gotten worse. A lot worse. I don't want to die as a statistic. No one believes me, but I think I might be sick and the weed gave me the sixth sense that I was going to die and now, since my dad won't take me to the doctor, I'm going to eventually just die.

I have lots of issues...lots...I opened up to one of my closest friends a couple months ago and confessed I have lots of dreams of being raped/molested or raping, and I have no control in the dreams. It's like I'm watching myself without control over my body. My friend said I was probably molested and I pushed it out of my head, but I don't like thinking about it because it makes me upset.

I've just been having a rough time for a while, guys. Any help or anything would be much appreciated.

I am a proponent for medicinal marijuana use - but in small managable doses. You haven't indicated how extreme your usage is. I am guessing it is in more than the small amounts I refer to.

There are studies out there that indicate heavier usage can be linked to anxiety - especially if you are using someing with a high THC content. One of the common symptoms to anxiety is gastrointestinal trouble.

Does any of this sound plausible to you?

Hi bossman,

I'm sorry you're having a tough time. You might want to look at a book called "The Body Keeps The Score" by Bessel van der Kolk. - vital

Alright, well I think I figured out what the nausea is. I was throwing up a lot between then and now, and I did some research and found I might be dealing with acid reflux. Which isn't a huge deal.

rcat,

Yeah, I wasn't using it for medical purposes. I was using it for recreational purposes and I was chronically using it (just about every day). So, my anxiety might've gotten drastically worse from using it so much. So, yes that's very plausible.

vital,

Thanks, I'll check it out.

i believe in medical marijuana too, but recreational use can lead to anxiety as i've heard from many who use it that way. i've tried it myself a few times and it just doesn't agree with my illness of schitzophrenia. i had such a terrible reaction to it i even think it was laced with something else and this happened before i was on any meds for my illness. sometimes hashish is in it, other stuff too. if you are going to use it be careful who you buy it from, not to condone it but just letting you know to be careful. good luck

No Therapist will put you in a nut house. They will not put you on pills unless you really need them. Your friend is right about your dreams. That is an issue you need to face, with the help a of a therapist. In your case, it is best to stay way from pot all together. It messes with your anxiety to much.

Marijuana isn't as harmless as many people think. It has long term effects and it is possible to change the physiology of the brain, if consumed once per week over a couple of months. It can cause paranoia and other mental health issues, and I would stay far far away from it.
It causes an addiction that often gets underestimated

Pot makes me a nervous wreck. Even the indica; which is supposed to help anxiety.

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