just lonely idk - rant

dont know if it's okay to rant but it's hard meeting people with similar interests as me because when I reach out nobody holds on long enough I guess I'm boring and stuff I wanted to shower but it's hard being alone with your thoughts I have a boyfriend but he's happy and i always want him to be sad too and I know it's selfish but I just feel isolated and sad and I don't want to deal with making friends sometimes I'll go on chatrooms but everybody just wants to hook up and I'm already in love I'm tempted to cheat honestly just to talk to more people but honestly everyone is so boring. I am so terrified of anyone finding out how I truly think. I just want friends and I know I'll get comments from people offering but then it would just be a pity friendship I need genuineness.
about me: undiagnosed depression, suicidal tendencies

It's totally ok to rant here. It is hard meeting people these days, except online... and that's not the same. Sometimes online friendships can be genuine but it's always hard to tell. If you are struggling so with depression it's going to be really hard to make friends. Maybe it would be better to tell your boyfriend how you really feel, instead of wanting him to be sad also? If you are in love with him I don't understand why you would want him to be sad. Have you ever seriously considered going to a mental health professional and getting a diagnosis?

I think I just want somebody to relate to. I'm scared to tell my parents because they don't think that depression is a real thing. Also, I don't want depression as something people see when they think of me. I just want it to go away.

Many of us feel very similar here. I just recently attended a mental health support group I told no one --- especially my parents --- about, for many of the reasons you just mentioned. I am not diagnosed either, but just going to the support meeting and registering for this site is helping me plan to take steps to see where I can go in the new year. Many people are in the very same boat, especially around here.

Honestly the fact you registered here says a lot, since many people would probably let their struggles fester inside and keep it hidden...the fact you're posting about this makes you better than those people. This community has helped immensely since I've joined and it has been full of really helpful, non-judgmental people. It should help you understand yourself better as well as deal with all the negativity in the world.

I also get what you're saying about finding friends on chats. People's emotions are in the wrong places and they're often desperate. Thankfully, this place is a lot more civil and I'm sure the mods will jump in if you feel anyone's saying the wrong things.

You're not alone in this struggle. I am similar in that I don't have many people who support me in person. But this site helped me become a bit more independent and unfazed about what people will think of me when I seek help. Hopefully using these forums will eventually have the same effect on you.

Feel free to send a message any time. I may not have the best advice or all the answers (because I have trouble understanding my own struggles), but I keep an open mind about things and try not to judge. Up to you, however.