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  #1  
Old Dec 08, 2015, 03:49 PM
BlueCrustacean BlueCrustacean is offline
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I can't quite understand this, but there's this famous person I like who way back years ago had a bad divorce and suffered a lot of heartache from it, and almost every single day I catch myself fantasizing about heated arguments they may have had, tears he may have cried, curling up in a ball alone and suicidal, etc. Sometimes I cry while making up all this drama in my head, but it feels good to soak in the drama. I try to cut the thoughts off and even replace them with the fact that he has a great, happy marriage now, but I'm not interested in that. I can't relate to a happy marriage/happy relationship. I can only relate to unrelenting sadness and being alone, and I think that's why I like to fantasize about it, so that I can relate better to him.

I've been on plenty of awkward dates that never went anywhere, but I've never had a relationship. My parents had a bad divorce, and my mother was the one who got dumped and admitted feeling suicidal when it was still fresh. One time I was sitting in the same room with them yelling at each other really angrily, and I started crying pretty hard. A few months later I talked about it to a therapist and cried almost harder than I ever cried. I was shaking afterwards. I wonder if my obsession with this celebrity's old divorce stems from that. Even if it does, what the hell do I even do with that? How do I stop the thoughts? Fantasizing about it definitely has some emotional reward for me, but I can't help but think this is unhealthy in the long run.

Last edited by BlueCrustacean; Dec 08, 2015 at 04:28 PM.
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  #2  
Old Dec 08, 2015, 05:17 PM
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kittyfaye kittyfaye is offline
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I think it may have something to do with dealing with you parents' divorce. I'm not exactly sure how to explain that but maybe a therapist would be able to help you sort it out.
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  #3  
Old Dec 08, 2015, 09:00 PM
BlueCrustacean BlueCrustacean is offline
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Can't afford therapy. Can't afford anything really.
  #4  
Old Dec 09, 2015, 06:23 AM
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divine1966 divine1966 is offline
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I grew up listening to my dad yelling to my mom. I shake and cry every time I hear people yell. I grew up thinking that's kind of how relationships are. So I put up with sh...t. Therapy was very helpful to me. I hope you can find affordable therapy

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  #5  
Old Dec 22, 2015, 04:36 PM
BlueCrustacean BlueCrustacean is offline
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They say that in order to break a bad habit, you have to understand what purpose your habit is serving. How do I figure that out? And even if I did figure out why, HOW THE HELL would I be able to do anything about it??

I can't change the fact that my parents divorced. There's nothing new I don't know about it. Frankly, I don't even care that they did. It was a relief and a "good riddance", if anything. They were never happy together, my Dad always made my Mom miserable, and they made me miserable because of it. I was happy that they divorced. It was good news to me.

I already tried to get on good terms with my dad, but that hasn't changed much. We just awkwardly act nice to each other now. I don't know what I could say to him that would make anything better and not worse for no reason- just turning over the past in a way that changes nothing, and makes everything only more awkward for us.

I know I avoid getting out and talking to people- but there's nothing to do. I'm planning to get a job out of state and moving there and starting a new life anyway. I don't want to bother meeting anybody in this crappy state if I'm going to move to a new state and leave them anyway. Whoever my kind of people are, they sure as hell don't live here.

Can anybody here actually help me with this, instead of just telling me to pay for therapy with money I don't have?? It's out of the question. Drop it and come up with something else to respond to me. Something that will actually help me and be of use to me right now.
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  #6  
Old Dec 26, 2015, 07:09 AM
BlueCrustacean BlueCrustacean is offline
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Okay, thanks for nothing you guys.
  #7  
Old Dec 26, 2015, 06:07 PM
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shezbut shezbut is offline
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BlueCrustacean,

I am sorry to hear that you're feeling so miserable because of your parent's relationship. I am sure that it was a difficult experience. Did you not see any healthy relationships, to refer to, as you were growing up? Maybe friends or extended family (cousins or grandparents)?

Have you tried reading any books to help you understand yourself? You may want to try looking into it at a local library. Or, maybe even online. What is it about divorce that sort of thrills you into fantasizing more about it? You don't have to answer...just something to think about. Perhaps you could also try writing about your experiences. Just getting your thoughts & fantasies out on paper can help reduce ongoing thoughts about it.

As you know, we aren't therapists here, at Psych Central. We're merely peers trying to help one another. I'm sorry that you aren't happy with the responses that you've gotten on this thread so far. There are only so many ideas that we can come up with to help relieve you of your problems. There are a whole lot of ways that you can make this an ongoing issue in your life, but we certainly don't think that would help.

Therapy. Reading books and checking out workbooks to help. Talking with friends or relatives about issues that haunt you. ~ Those are the only ideas that I have to help. Sorry if it's not enough.
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Thanks for this!
BlueCrustacean
  #8  
Old Dec 27, 2015, 02:02 AM
BlueCrustacean BlueCrustacean is offline
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Thanks for responding. The thing is, I don't even know if it has anything to do with my parents. I'm just guessing. I haven't met anybody who has gone through what I'm going through right now, so I'm totally in the dark. I have never met anybody who imagined a breakup almost every day as if it was real, when they never even had a break up in the first place. I don't know what it means. There's nothing online for answers on that. I'd like somebody to tell me what it means.
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  #9  
Old Dec 27, 2015, 06:04 PM
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shezbut shezbut is offline
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Perhaps you could try wording your post title differently & putting it into the Relationships forum?? That room is a lot busier than this one, which has it's advantages and disadvantages.

One side: it would be seen by a lot more people, and might get more input.

Other side: since the Relationships forum moves so quickly, you may need to go in every couple of days and *bump* your post, so the thread lasts a bit longer.

(((best wishes)))
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"Only in the darkness can you see the stars."
- Martin Luther King Jr.


"Forgive others not because they deserve forgiveness but because you deserve peace."
- Author Unkown
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