[smartiesparty]

my mother told me i am the fakest person on this planet
that i faked my depression
the reason is i decided to go on a 4 day trip on my own to belfast (i'm of legal age)
i think it's good to be on my own. i did everything possible to be safe during the trip. it's to see a new city. i need this "fresh breeze" in my life. i have stayed at home for the past 3 years.
but now she says i never was depressed and i'm just pretending
then i said i'm going on my own to feel more "free" because my family criticized me often (also, i forgot to add, my chronic pain isnt too intense now) . she understood it as "i hate my family and they're all piece of crap", which i never said
i was looking forward to the trip ive been planning since last year
my mum told me i'll get sexually assaulted if i go alone and kidnapped. and now i'm having panic attacks 2 days before the planned trip
i am having suicidal thoughts and panic attacks. i won't act on them but they still hurt my soul. i'm scared to be kidnapped and sexually assaulted (my biggest fears)
please help me, what should i do ?

[JustJenny]

Originally Posted by smartiesparty

no i dont want to stay there. i still depend on my family.
my mother is not abusive, i would say she's overprotective and is using fear...but i love my mother and can't live without her

I left home for this reason (my mother being too involved in my life) when I was 18. My excuse was studying in another city. At first it was scary and I would become homesick every once in a while, it took me months to adapt. I never regretted that decision.

[MelloJoy]

Have a great trip. You should go. Anxiety will be there but you can minmize it with positive thinking. Moms can be overwheming sometimes. Not everyone understands depression and anxiety so don't be too hard on her. Hope your trip is everything and more than you expect!

[nicoleflynn]

Quite often when someone criticizes you (calling you "fake"), they are really talking about THEMSELVES. You wouldn't breathe poison every day, and yet that is what we do when we choose to be around abusers. The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans saved my life.

Mothers who love they children don't try to control them with fear. Those are HER fears, not yours.

[gayleggg]

I don't understand mothers like yours. They obviously have deep seeded problems themselves.

I think that a trip alone sounds exciting. I think you are doing a good thing. Take time for yourself and make some memories.

I would love to take a cruise by myself up the eastern seaboard of the US, but money doesn't permit and hubby doesn't like the idea.

Enjoy your trip. I'm sure you will have a great time.

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[Thunder Bow]

Take that rip and you will do well. Forget all the "What Ifs". That is your mothers anxiety, not yours. Let her own her anxieties as you enjoy your journey.

[healingme4me]

You're probably feeling these things because of the guilt trip that she gave you. I was just exclaiming to someone about their own mum, how after all the unpleasant things in their life I couldn't believe they'd cower and allow their mum to dictate to their own little girl. That just because her mum's older, doesn't make her wiser and because of her own life, her mum truly shouldn't have say in how she raises her kids, much like my own father lost his right to an opinion in how I raise mine by virtue of messing up big time in raising me.

My mum would push her fears on me, too. There's a couple of things that she literally prevented me from doing, some she didn't. Just like when after college I started looking for my own apartment. It created a rift. For one, there was the loss of financial support from me. For example, before I finished school they relied on child support income. Then after that ended and I was back home after graduating and working two jobs, there was dependence on my contribution of part of my pay to them.

The argument she and I had about my moving out, never left my soul and it was a painful, traumatic wound. I had talked it through with her own mum, my grandmother.

So, the likelihood of all these horrible things is slim to none. What a guilt trip she gave and how horrible to not support you. Google some self defense skills and watch some videos. Empower yourself and Enjoy!



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[smartiesparty]

my mother cried again, she told me i betrayed her by preparing this trip alone
i am suffering so much
i don't know how to react when my mother cries
she said i only bring her bad things and she will never forgive me this 'betrayal' of having prepared my trip alone
she said she will never forgive me
i don't knoww hat to do

[winter4me]

Run, take the trip, you need it.
Recognize that your mother has significant mental health issues herself, and that you being home, being depressed, is more comfortable for her than you being well & independent.
She is afraid & wants you to stay, to not grow up and go...this is something you cannot fix. She will survive.

[avlady]

i agree with all above!!good luck

[nicoleflynn]

She is using emotional blackmail. you cannot reason with people like this. xo

[smartiesparty]

the problem is that now i'm having panic attacks
my brain is telling me i'll get sexually assaulted, kidnapped and murdered
i'm scared now

[JustJenny]

Can you tell where are you going? It might be a city I've been to, I might be able to tell you if it's scary there or not.

[smartiesparty]

the united kingdom, belfast,london
there i will also meet friends i ve known for a few years
i am having a panic attacks one after the other
my mother left home for a while now,i don't know where she is
i am scared

[Mountainbard]

Take the trip-- don't let your mother poison it for you. What your brain is telling you is what your mother planted there. Don't feed it-- don't let it scare you or she wins. Your mom obviously has some serious issues, but as another poster said, they're hers, not yours. Let her own them. And you go and enjoy!

[JustJenny]

Haven't been to Belfast, but have been to London. It's big, a lot of people. I have been in London alone and nothing has happened to me. It was a pleasant experience overall. A lot of tourists and people are generally friendly. Since you speak the language I really don't think you would get lost there. You will definitely not get raped if you stay in the touristic areas. Just take the usual precautions - avoid dark empty streets and don't hang out with men you don't know. Pickpocketing is much more likely than anything else so hold on to your purse

Your mother is overreacting. A lot of young people leave their countries to go abroad to work and/or study. It is absolutely normal. I don't really see the link between traveling and getting raped, you should just get this word out of your head. Furthermore, you are going to civilized places with Starbucks with free wifi on every corner.

I don't know if you already have a place to stay. If not and you are on the budget I would recommend YHA hostels - it's a big chain of hostels. The prices are low, but you have to share the room with other people. They also have nice lounges with wifi and a nice atmosphere.

[avlady]

the thing is, too, you can get raped or attacked anywhere, so i wouldn't worry about it if you do go, but just be on the lookout for anything strange.

[marmaduke]

You'll be fine. London is safe so is Belfast, be sensible like you would any where.
You do not need to feel frightened.
Your mother is a control freak using irrational fear as control.

GO ON THE TRIP you will not regret it. You need freedom you need to break out that cage mother has trapped you in.
Fear kept me trapped for so many years.

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.

Anaïs Nin

What to do is to go on your trip.

She's using classic emotional blackmail. Don't let her play you with it. The more you cave, the worse it gets. Boundaries are key. I've been there and it is very helpful to keep reminding yourself that YOU aren't doing anything wrong!!! But the emotional blackmailer will take any angle they have found to work on you to make you feel as if you are(!) They know your hot buttons. Oh yes indeed. Which is why it is so effective. But you need to see it for what it is: manipulation.

I went to Belfast 10 years ago and had a very nice time. Stayed at a hostel on Donegal Road. I was with my son (who was 13 at the time). We had a small but private room and it was very reasonable. It was just a short walk from the Botanic train station (we'd taken a train from Dublin). Aside from one tour, we went everywhere on foot. It's a very walkable city.

Use basic smarts like you would anywhere, like JustJenny said. If you like, you can use a measure of extra security against possible pickpocketing (I've never had any problem with that, but tourist areas can be prone to it), you can get a travel pouch that you wear under your clothes. You'd keep critical items like your passport and back up funds in it, so as to not risk getting stranded or having a big hassle should you become separated from your wallet for any reason. Anything you'd be wanting frequent access to (like some spending money) you'd carry in the usual way. No big deal.

Have fun!

[yagr]

You are going on two trips for the price of one. The trip you planned and the guilt trip.

I had to go no-contact with my mother as an adult before the healing could begin. It was hard at first but it got easier and I healed and found happiness.

Go and be safe. You know all the tips about being proactive in a big city? You are meeting friends and I hope you have a wonderful time.

BTW, She sounds like my nightmare of a mother.

[ChipperMonkey]

What should you do?

Move out.

Your mother is keeping you mentally ill.

[marmaduke]

Originally Posted by ChipperMonkey

What should you do?

Move out.

Your mother is keeping you mentally ill.

So right Chipper, mother is sucking away all confidence to keep her a prisoner.