[Fleury29]

I've pretty much been alone my whole life, no friends or significant others, and lately I want something more, but realize that that's likely never happening, since I've tried my whole life to make anything at all happen, and it still hasn't. So what can I do to lessen the feeling that accompanies being by myself? I could literally go weeks without talking to, or seeing anyone and no one would notice or care if they didn't notice me either.

[PumpkinPieHead]

I start to go stir crazy if i spend extended periods of time alone. I made a new years resolution to get out more. Im going to join a church, a mi support group, and maybe even go to group counseling at my pdoc's office. I think life is more thriving if you have folks around.

[Fleury29]

That's just it, I try, but no one WANTS me around, so I figure I just have to deal and move on from people.

[JustJenny]

PumpkinPieHead is right, you have to go to places to meet people. Coming out of your comfort zone and joining a group of people can be scary, I know. But from my own experience finding new opportunities happen when you least expect them.

How about joining a language class or an arts class?

[JustJenny]

Originally Posted by Fleury29

That's just it, I try, but no one WANTS me around, so I figure I just have to deal and move on from people.

Maybe you are trying to be with the wrong people? Take me for example, I often find it hard to be with people who like the city nightlife and partying (not that there is anything wrong with it, I just don't do it myself), but I always have something to talk about with people who do birdwatching, because that is something I do.

Do you know what kind of people you want around you?

Fleury, i find that humans are flesh, blood and spirit. I find developing a spiritual life helps sustain me. Perhaps you might want to consider that? Many meditate, reflect, pray to help alleviate the pain and suffering they are going through, for it brings great comfort to them. I hope you find comfort this holiday season as we go into the new year. blessings

[nicoleflynn]

If you go to a nursing home; those people are so lonely, they would love you. Once we take ourselves out of ourselves, we find a purpose.

[Perna]

I deal with being alone as I deal with being with others; you have to have something you enjoy doing and do that; that will both make being alone okay and, will involve you with others as you research and study to learn more. If you love knitting, for example, you are going to go to knitting stores where others are taking/giving classes, buying patterns, etc. and conversations will be easier and the possibility of striking up a friendship easier. You need to know what you want of yourself, what gets you excited and pursue that and other possibilities will open up. I was into reading, books and the library -- hardly exciting group activities but ended up becoming a founding officer of my Friends of the Library organization and making several life-long friends (this was 30-35+ years ago now) and moving on to other library volunteer jobs with other groups, etc.

One has to practice interacting with others to become good at it, just like any other activity/skill. Get out and actually do things with others, activities of all sorts -- talk to store clerks when you check out at the grocery store; visit restaurants and other local businesses on your own and get to know the business owners/your waiter/waitress well enough so they know you and what you like to order; go to town hall meetings and voice an opinion, be "seen" by others.

[Serzen]

Originally Posted by PumpkinPieHead

I start to go stir crazy if i spend extended periods of time alone. I made a new years resolution to get out more. Im going to join a church, a mi support group, and maybe even go to group counseling at my pdoc's office. I think life is more thriving if you have folks around.

Good answer. Doing social activities you like is a great suggestion.

Other examples: martial arts, poetry, philosophy or literary workshop, a musical workshop, meditation group, photography, study a language...

[gayleggg]

Originally Posted by nicoleflynn

If you go to a nursing home; those people are so lonely, they would love you. Once we take ourselves out of ourselves, we find a purpose.

I agree with this. Volunteering can be awesome. Nursing homes being one of the most needy because so many elderly are left alone. I volunteered at a nursing home and painted nails, played games and just visited with people. They were so happy to see me when I would come by. You get rewards you never dreamed of.

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[Fleury29]

Conversation usually implies that two people talk about something, but conversation with me usually is me talking and the other person saying ok, or yeah, or trying to figure out how not to talk to me anymore. I think some people are just meant to be alone and miserable. And that's me. All I want is for anything at all to happen in my life, yet it never does, so I guess I'll just give up.

[PumpkinPieHead]

I find that if the conversation is awkward then im not meant to be speaking with that person.

If you're looking for conversation tip, honestly one of my favorite ways of talking to people is just asking lots of questions and doing engaged listening. Add little tidbits now and then, but people often like talking about themselves. As long as you seem like an enthusiastic listener, they'll generally like you. There are a lot of Tedtalks on how to meet strangers but I often find these good to ask:
"What do you do for a living?"
"What do you do for fun?"
"Are you from around this area? Any food recommendations?"

As for how to feel better about being alone, I've moved to a new place and as a crazy high level extrovert with no friends in this new town, instead I go to Starbucks or a bookstore and work on my laptop. It fulfills the brain part of being around people and etc without having to be overly involved. I get depressed insanely quickly without interacting with people so it's a must for me to be able to fill that void in any way possible. Going to the mall and wandering through helps as well. Generally I put in headphones and wander through.

Other than that, I agree with everyone else's ways to meet new people. Volunteering and meetup groups are a great option to at least connect. But really the most important part is to get out of the house and make opportunities to meet people.

Good luck!

[fantasyland]

I am probably not the best person to give advice on this... as I am alone alot most of the time tooooo, however, I choose to be alone. Make sure that when you do get up enough strength and courage to find new people to converse with, that they are not negative energy as that can quickly tear you back into a down state. I choose to be alone to avoid drama... and sometimes being alone is a great thing as it gives you time to really get to know yourself. Once you learn to love you... it is easier to love and be around others. Gotta love yourself first and be content with you to be able to smile with the world

[eskielover]

I grew up as an only child with parents who were totally socially awkward...it took looking back to realize that though I felt it at the time & didn't know what I was experiencing with my parents. But I spent most of my growing up years alone though active in school activities including band, orchestra, talent shows, student government, girls athletic club, & the girls honor clubs for good grades....but I could only be involved in things that I could arrange to get to myself to because my mom didn't drive & they had no friends they knew to make driving arrangements with. I always felt awkward around people because it's all I saw & experienced at home.

College was great...had my own car & my own freedom though living at home & working when not in school...& my focus was on good grades & getting a good career.

Got married unknowingly to a guy who was just as dysfunctional socially as my parents....guess that's what happens when you don't know anything different. Though I performed in chamber groups, active in church choir & all the music activities, also in my career I was active in the management club even as treasurer.... & also with all the headaches was treasurer for years in our HOA of our first home. Played racquetball & was active in all the tournaments they had. So exhausted from that & mostly working 60-70 hours a week avoiding my bad marriage that I was basically exhausted most of my life.

After my career crashed I pretty much quit living for the next 10 years though I bought my horse & my first American Eskimo dog & started training & showing both....my depression was so bad I was in & out of psych hospital stays & Eating Disorder treatment & just plain wanting life to end....even though married I was totally alone & divorce seemed impossible because of financial reasons & horrible continuous migraines kept me mostly in bed in a dark room for most of those years....alone was pretty good....I had no desire to be around anyone.

Interesting though..after my mom died & I sold her house....I took my inheritance & left my bad marriage....2100 miles away in a new state where I didn't know anyone....good place to start over & figure out who in the world I really was. Started off at the library in their monthly book club discussion group...something I had never done before in my life. The community was starting a horse group & I went to the planning meetings for that. I was living in a small town of 8000 compared to the millions in Los Angeles...lots of activities to wander around & look at...totally historical area of the country. Got involved in a wonderful women's Bible study group then started going to a new little church. Volunteered at the horse park for the 2010 world equestrian games on the decoration crew I had no idea at the time it was a group that volunteers annually for the eventing show there also...I have mat so many wonderful different people in so many different areas of interest in my life & I have so many friends that ask me to ride their horses until I can bring mine here..& I have always loved ballroom dancing & who would think????....I have found the most awesome ballroom dancing class with awesome people there.

Sometimes I have too many things going in my life that I crave some down & alone time that I used to have continuously. It's nice to have both as my down time with my dogs gives me time to relax & get back my energy. Never imagined my life would end up like this....have to admit that after 33 years in a bad marriage I love my own quiet home on 10 acres woth woods to hike in & explore with my dogs is a wonderful change from living in Los Angeles.....& maybe having been an only child makes living alone easier.....but I still enjoy a great social life with friends, an experience I never had before either...the last 8 years have more than made up for the previous 54

[TishaBuv]

Originally Posted by Fleury29

I've pretty much been alone my whole life, no friends or significant others, and lately I want something more,

Have you wanted to be alone in the past? What changed now that lately you want something more?

but realize that that's likely never happening, since I've tried my whole life to make anything at all happen, and it still hasn't.

What have you tried? Why do you think you weren't able to make friends or lovers?

So what can I do to lessen the feeling that accompanies being by myself?

What is that feeling?

I could literally go weeks without talking to, or seeing anyone and no one would notice or care if they didn't notice me either.

How are you able to go weeks completely isolated? Do you work? Why do you think no one notices you?

Have you worked with a therapist on this? Would you like to talk about this some more?

At the very least, we all noticed you and just had a conversation with you here, and do care :-)