[Aviza]

I will always be single. Men drag me down, I'm not attracted to ones that would be good for me, and they aren't attracted to me. I'm 41, and well the best years are behind me.

No matter how much I try to fight the fact, I will never be the person I aspired to be career wise, family wise, etc. It's just reality my life is nothing I truly wanted and everything I despised. Karma maybe, but not really knowing where to go from here sucks.

My goals have dropped drastically, from home ownership to finding a rental apartment I can reasonably afford. I hate my life. It never ends just because we're sick of trying, sick of hitting a brick wall. No life continues. Day after day, year after year.

I'm losing interest fast. Oh yeah I had a severe allergic reaction to my generic abilify. Thought I got MS it was so bad. I've been off meds for 3 days now. I want so bad to just be normal, but it's like ingrained that I fight normalcy with every ounce of my being.

Well I'm alive, I'm working my fulltime temp job, trying to figure out if I can afford to move out, knowing that I will sink or fly on my own from here on out, and well that frightens me.

Aviza, stay where you are but get a job where you work off shift so you don't have to deal with the people you live with. Then keep looking for a permanent job elsewhere. It works. I worked off shift for years, and i didn't have to deal with my family, slept during the day, got up and was gone out all night. After work went out for breakfast with others, got home and went to sleep. It is perfect. If you cannot move just change your hours. You get a lot more money also for working off shifts. Second shift is not too hard on your system and you can still burn the candle at both ends. tc

[gayleggg]

I'm sorry you are not where you planned to be. Neither am I. But there is still time to make memories. Find something you are interested in and seek out ways to do those things. A hobby can bring great joy. Good luck.

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[Aviza]

Life is strange. After posting this I got wind a male friend is trying to set me up with his brother. He told my daughter's dad who chuckled. And he told my best friend who told me.

[shezbut]

(((((Aviza)))))

I can relate to a lot of what you've written. I think very similar thoughts.

Of course, we don't know what's going to happen in our futures. Maybe we'll get lucky, get into a great situation, and we'll have more satisfaction with our lives.

Something that I consciously do, every single day, is remind myself to hold onto hope with every bit of strength that I can muster up inside. Don't let go ~ hold onto that hope... keep holding.... things will improve.

[avlady]

you never know the good luck that could be around the corner so remember that too. i like the others responses here too, if it's doable for you. good luck