[AbladeintheMeadow]

I don't feel like I have the strength anymore to deal with everyday situations without wanting to, or actually ending up in tears. I can't work out whether I'm low at the moment & that's the reason or whether I have just lost the ability to cope with the normal ups and downs of life that everyone has. When I cry it makes me feel so weak, not being able to just deal with things and get on with it. They're not necessarily major things that cause me to feel like this, just hiccups, the kids arguing or not doing what I've asked them to do, an email needing action that I wasn't expecting are examples.

I feel permanently distracted, like I can't give anything my full attention & I have so many ordinary things to do like go to the dentist & the opticians & order some photos. But I just can't seem to do them. I know this sounds ridiculous but when I do get 5 mins to call & make an appointment I still don't?! It's like I can't face it & yet then the next day I'm thinking to myself I really must get that done. Work is the same & I end up working right up to deadlines because I haven't managed to fit things in sooner.

The extra worry & stress I am causing myself is largely unnecessary. So why do I keep doing it? Why can't I get my act together? 18mths/2 yrs ago before the last depression hit I was super organised in every aspect of my life....but now??....I feel like I'm going mad. I feel a failure, I feel utterly at a loss.

[IceCreamKid]

I feel much the same way although I cannot cry. I feel stretched to the breaking point most of the time. You're not a failure and neither am I. I just wanted to offer my support and to tell you that others feel as you do.

[JustJenny]

Were you crying before or did it start recently? What you are describing sounds like a burnout to me.

Crying is good, it relieves the stress. Even though I am not in your situation right now, but I cry like a lot, if that helps you in any way. I used to cry at my desk while doing my grad school, and other students would see me.

Try to address your core issues, crying is a sign of stress in your situation, and stress may be as a result of more deep issues like, as you said, depression. But also crying is a good sign in general, at least to me, it means that you are probably a sensitive and a compassionate person.

[Rose76]

You do sound depressed. It is awfully hard to get out of that spiral of neglecting things and, then, feeling more stressed and depressed. Depression gets to taking on a life of its own and it becomes self-perpetuating.

I've been dealing with a pattern somewhat like that, but not as severe as you describe. Even if you can just pick one thing to get done . . . and tell yourself that it is enough to just knock one thing off the to-do list each day.

Give yourself a ton of credit for even being able to keep at your job.

[AbladeintheMeadow]

Thank you all for your support. I've looked up burnout & some of the other signs that are mentioned I do get too, so it could be that. I've been working long hours to get things done on time, but some of that is caused by not getting things done as I used to. I am going to try literally doing a list a try & do at least one of the nagging things, like making the appointments, each day. Maybe that'll bring some comfort.

The crying, I've been trying to remember whether that was a pre last depression thing or not. I think I did cry before, but more behind closed doors...in bed at night on my own, so no one knew. I feel less able to hold them back these days. I can hold it, but not as easily and sometimes not at all.

Thank you for your suggestions and letting me try and logically work through things. It really helps me.