[nicoleflynn]

I got a divorce after 31 years of physical and verbal abuse; it was the scariest thing I ever did. Being alone was my biggest fear and I have been alone for 12 years.

I have a 3 year old granddaughter, and every year the birthday party is at the x's house; It is SUCH a trigger for me; I spend 4-5 hours in such misery. No one has any idea how I am feeling. x has a girlfriend and it just brings back to me how alone I am. I used my life story to win a scholarship at age 60 and am a Sophomore at 69! I still feel 18.

When I go to x's house for any activity (not often); it takes so much out of me, that I don't feel like myself for days. Thank you for any thoughts!

[unaluna]

Bring a girlfriend. We're old enough now that we can bring a companion for health reasons - like if we fall and we can't get up!

Or maybe plan a distraction after the event, even if just a movie, or a call to t.

[newday2020]

Could you plan a seperate get together with your granddaughter and skip the one a X's.?

[~Christina]

I would do my own thing with the grandchild.. No need to go through hell and suffer for days on end.. you suffered long enough.

Congrads on being in college .. I would love to do something like that !

[nicoleflynn]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

I would do my own thing with the grandchild.. No need to go through hell and suffer for days on end.. you suffered long enough.

Congrads on being in college .. I would love to do something like that !

Thank you, Christina. Why don't you go to college? xo

Some valuable advice. I would still go to that party but bring a friend. AND I would organise my own function too.

[miss_rainy]

I have to agree. Maybe you should have separate parties. You shouldnt have to suffer. If you grand doesn't understand then make up a excuse until they're older.

[nicoleflynn]

Originally Posted by miss_rainy

I have to agree. Maybe you should have separate parties. You shouldnt have to suffer. If you grand doesn't understand then make up a excuse until they're older.

Thanks, Miss rainy; grand is only 3; it might be the adults who don't understand, but can't worry about that!

[PianogirlPlays]

That sounds too awful. I would find that so hard. I would plan lots of little special times with the grand.

[miss_rainy]

You see? This sounds much better than being forced to go over there lol

[divine1966]

I wouldn't go even if they pay me. I am friendly with my ex husband and I was never abused yet we do separate events. They only events together are kid's wedding etc everything else separate. Why do you go there?

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[melanie6291989]

I'm young, 26, but I've already had too much experience with abusive relationships and I think that you shouldn't have to be around the man that abused you, no matter what the occasion is. You can always do your own birthday party for your granddaughter at your place or at a restaurant that's is geared towards children (aka chucky cheese, Peter Piper pizza, ect). I'm sure your granddaughter will love having two get togethers and then you don't have to bother with your ex!

Does your family know about the abuse? Would they understand if you were straight forward with them and told them exactly what you just told us?

Originally Posted by nicoleflynn

I got a divorce after 31 years of physical and verbal abuse; it was the scariest thing I ever did. Being alone was my biggest fear and I have been alone for 12 years."

It's sounds like you were really strong to do this .... even if it was really scary!

"I have a 3 year old granddaughter, and every year the birthday party is at the x's house; It is SUCH a trigger for me; I spend 4-5 hours in such misery. No one has any idea how I am feeling."

Is there no-one in your family you can share your fears and feelings with?

"When I go to x's house for any activity (not often); it takes so much out of me, that I don't feel like myself for days. Thank you for any thoughts!

If you feel you have to go to these is there any process you have used successfully in other areas of your life to deal with situations like this?

[Hyacinth26]

Originally Posted by nicoleflynn

I got a divorce after 31 years of physical and verbal abuse; it was the scariest thing I ever did. Being alone was my biggest fear and I have been alone for 12 years.

I have a 3 year old granddaughter, and every year the birthday party is at the x's house; It is SUCH a trigger for me; I spend 4-5 hours in such misery. No one has any idea how I am feeling. x has a girlfriend and it just brings back to me how alone I am. I used my life story to win a scholarship at age 60 and am a Sophomore at 69! I still feel 18.

When I go to x's house for any activity (not often); it takes so much out of me, that I don't feel like myself for days. Thank you for any thoughts!

Wow..congratulations on being a survivor, on not giving up, on excelling when every fiber in your body wants to curl up and give up. I saw a quote ...success is the best revenge?!! Re centre your compass..he s still stuck in the same old house etc...you on the other hand are soaring...wow,wow,wow