[Melmo]

My daughter is turning 6 at the end of the month, we are having her birthday at a bowling place and she is allowed to invite 11 kids (there are 18 in her class other than herself) so 7 kids are being left out. We had all her invites ready to go and this morning when I dropped her off at school we passed some out. Unfortunately then some kids who were not invited were asking what the cards were for and one girl who was invited asked me (in front of her friend who wasn't) where her invitation was. This made that little girl cry and I apologized to her mom who was trying to tell her daughter not to cry and now I feel like absolute **** and on the verge of tears. I feel so bad that we can't invite everyone, and I realized the way we did it was probably not the best way as now most if not all the kids who were not invited will probably know.

There is no way to get around this. Even had you handed out the invitations privately the word would have gotten out anyway. Would it help you if I pointed out you are not the first to have this happen? You won't be the last either. This will happen throughout the school year. And, you have done the best you could. One idea I have - is it possible to send enough birthday cupcakes for everyone to school on her birthday?

[Melmo]

That's what I'm thinking of doing, maybe even gift bags. Then it's like a little party for everyone

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[DechanDawa]

Originally Posted by Melmo

That's what I'm thinking of doing, maybe even gift bags. Then it's like a little party for everyone

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It sounds like a great idea. This happens and it is unfortunate but I like how you have thought of an option.

[Melmo]

I still feel like crap. I'm so emotional lately.

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[DechanDawa]

Originally Posted by Melmo

I still feel like crap. I'm so emotional lately.

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So you probably didn't need the anxiety about the party. I think I did the bowling thing with my son, too. We did bowling, then afterwards everyone went swimming at the recreation center. For the swimming more kids were invited than the bowling. But it wasn't the greatest situation, and after that we stuck to old-fashioned parties where more kids were invited. One time the kid across the street had a big birthday party and didn't invite my child. That was the worst situation of all because my child could see the party happening right across the street.

[Melmo]

I would have preferred to have an outside party (then could invite everyone) and she would too but her birthday is in March so the weather is unpredictable.

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[DechanDawa]

Originally Posted by Melmo

I would have preferred to have an outside party (then could invite everyone) and she would too but her birthday is in March so the weather is unpredictable.

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Yeah, it started snowing today where I am! I can see your problem. In the future, maybe go really big, like somewhere you can invite everyone, or very small, like a day trip where she gets to invite one or two of her closest friends. The thing to realize is that this is something painful all parents can relate to. Don't let it spoil the fun of your child's special age. I loved this age when my child was small. They are growing and learning so quickly. So congrats!

[Bill3]

An idea for next year might be to ask the teacher to suggest/recommend the best way to distribute invitations.

[smartiesparty]

In your case, I understand and you shouldn't feel too bad about it.
On the other hand, the more sensitive kids like the girl who cried must have been felt left out and wondering why she wasn't invited.
I was often left out and never invited to parties as a child and it still sticks with me today but it was my fault as I was too scared to form bonds with kids my age.
Maybe next time you should have a party with only the real/closest friends of your daughter ?

[Melmo]

Originally Posted by smartiesparty

In your case, I understand and you shouldn't feel too bad about it.
On the other hand, the more sensitive kids like the girl who cried must have been felt left out and wondering why she wasn't invited.
I was often left out and never invited to parties as a child and it still sticks with me today but it was my fault as I was too scared to form bonds with kids my age.
Maybe next time you should have a party with only the real/closest friends of your daughter ?

I think that's part of the reason I feel so bad, because I was that sensitive kid who was left out a lot because I was too shy and awkward.
And next year I'm thinking I will plan something else where her whole class can be invited.

[Aviza]

Same here I was the left out kid. Even the kid who pretended to be my best friend for years left me out of her birthday party. No excuse in my book handing out invites the way you did. Mail them to their house.

[Chyialee]

Oh boy, BTDT! Melmo, I understand the dilemna. We lived 4 houses away from the school -- 3 if you don't count ours. 2 of my 3 kids went to that elementary school for all 7 yrs, and thusly we knew every kid in neighbourhood, as well as being the unofficial landing place for all my childrens's friends and the yard everyone played in.
Hence: There was no keeping anything much of a secret. Everybody either knew everything, or walked to school w/someone who did.

We thought we were subtle:
We got class directories every year, & sent party invites via snail mail midweek. However, inevitably By Monday some kids would come to class trumpeting "I got a birthday invitation from______!!" Yeesh. sigh

We sent b-day cupcakes for the whole class plus teacher, principals & aides. lol
Unless you're truly prepared to have 30-ish kids rampaging thru your home & garden, it's just not possible to avoid the "Exclusion trauma" sitch.
It got a lil better in the 4th grade or so; the children started breaking along gender lines so far as b-days went; ie sleepovers for the girls only; video game arcade craziness etc for sons.

Prob I went overboard but my kids had 3 b-day parties a year until high school: Party w/school friends. Party for Grandparents, cousins, & assorted family. Party for friends & associates (from gymnastics, fencing, dance,orchestra, w/e) who were not classmates. Ouch my aching back & overworked baking implements. ha

It can be awfully bumpy, but the fact is: Not everyone gets included every time. Not every player wins at every game. Not everyone makes the honour roll. And so on and so forth. I hate it for them...but it's a fact.

Hugs,

Chyia, memory lane