Replacement

My mum and father have been divorced for 5-6 years now and somehow every male figure that enters my life I instantly put him first whether that be a friend of my mums I meet or even a male friend of mine.. Like my mums ex boyfriend (let's call him "B"). "B" was my mums friend for a long time even before I was ever thought about and then after the divorce, they started dating and "B" was perfect like he actually cared about me, made sure I was okay and he helped me with my music and he loved us and for once I felt like a family again until he started loving drugs more than us.. My mum couldn't deal with it again so he moved out and eventually got a new gf... A few years later he messaged my mum he was in a rehab facility and I was so happy you know, because this means when "B" is done we can be a happy family again right?! (He has a son too) but no.. My mum said absolutely not because he hurt her so much and all which I mean I get that but I still want him, I still talk to him kinda, and we were talking about visiting and I hope we can soon.. He's got a lot on his plate right now, his son is doing heroine and yea.. Idk what the point of this was I guess just a vent but do you guys have any advice or something? Idk..

I'm so sorry I have a daughter and now my ex husband is recovering went to rehab many times but relapsed . He can't keep doing this in front of her but I'm also a terrible mom I feel like because I let him stay but he's sober when he's with us. But I feel betrayed and lost trust it will take too long to trust him again. I also wanted a "traditional family" again just like my parents. But I'm starting to believe I can do it on my own and raise her the best I can. No stigma or judgment can change what I'm starting to believe. But maybe because I make more than him for work and am already untraditional . I am working to not be dependent on any man or anyone else

Sent from my SM-G920I using Tapatalk

Hi xx tpm-life xx

It's understandable you feel something might be missing in your life after the divorce, and may be missing the "presence" (whatever that was) of your father or of a father figure in your life.
And divorces can be tough on everyone involved
But not only that you've also, in a sense, lost your mom's ex who sounds like he was a biggish part of your life after the divorce.........??
But, I'm just wondering whether your mom could fill that gap just a little more??
Perhaps if you talked to her about the way you're feeling, your bond with her could be strengthened a bit..........and maybe some more "quality time" with just you and her doing things together?? Maybe it's a relationship that needs to change a little, now that the circumstances are different??
And not to trivialise the way you're feeling in any way.........but "family" can come in all sorts of forms..........maybe you could work on building stronger connections with friends, maybe there's a group you could join that matches in with your interests.........get more of that feeling of connection???
And maybe reflect a little more on what you feel you get from those male figures and see if you can find ways to generate those feelings more inside/for yourself e.g. if it's confidence you're getting how might you improve that yourself, if you feel it's caring you're getting.........do you feel you might need to work a little more on finding that in other places or work on your self esteem or self care, if it's stability you're getting then maybe think about how you might be able to find more of that in your life as it is??? Things like that...........
And maybe work on putting yourself first?? Your interests, your feelings, your dreams, your goals instead of so much focus on the guys stepping into your life???
Just some thoughts..........



Alison

Thank you so much...