Angry At My Favorite Person??

My boyfriend is not only the one I love the most but also my best friend! I also worry that I'm emotionally abusive though. I lash out on him sometimes, like yesterday. I asked him to call me and he never did and I sent him an angry text. I get so worried and confused if I'm emotionally abusive or not, or if I just have a hard time handling my emotions. I rarely talk to anyone in school, so maybe my feelings just bottle up? I just seem to lash out more and more lately and I hate myself for it. I'm really worried I hurt him.

What if you hesitate before doing so and ask yourself if you would want this said to you.

I think it's never good to respond or act while you're so angry. Waiting before sending that text, or email, or phone call, and cooling off so you can talk rationally instead of emotionally is always a good step. Let yourself have your reaction, calm down, and then move into discussing with your bf that it upset you that he didn't call, but you can do so calmly instead of lashing out.

BTW, it's okay to be upset that people don't follow through on what they say they'll do. But yeah, maybe you don't want to lash out in response but rather be able to express how that hurt your feelings.

Seesaw

Hi PandaCutie,

OK let's bring the focus back to you, instead of how you may be being perceived for now
I'm wondering if it might help examining where those feelings might be coming from and trying to resolve that a little?? Afterall you do sound as if those feelings are hurting you too, to begin with
So.........I don't know........could you be feeling a little insecure, are you feeling vulnerable, is this a defense against feeling vulnerable, are you feeling isolated, do you feel like some of your needs aren't being met, is this a carry over from the way you've felt others have treated you, is there "stuff" in your life that you're finding difficult to cope with and it's coming out in your interactions..........stuff like that...........
There could be ways you could address/resolve some of those issues if you can pinpoint them, or maybe you could talk about them with your boyfriend and you could work through them together??
And maybe examining some of the thoughts prior to your lashing out could help (even with that) too e.g. with him not calling.........could you have been thinking that "He doesn't care", whereas at the time you could maybe counter that with the thought that "I know he cares, but he may be really busy or so tired/tied up he's forgotten" or "OK, he's not good at remembering to call, but I know he still cares, perhaps next time I need to send him a reminder when I'm free"............
And then when you do get time to talk, maybe have an open discussion with him, without assumptions??
That doesn't mean you shouldn't say how you felt, or tell him your needs though..........just kind of make it a two-way discussion, with compromises if needed.........if that makes sense???

And..........rarely talking to people in school...........I honestly think it might help to have other people "in your life" who you can talk to/share with/depend on/rely on more......with him just a little less the main focus of your attention.......even if just one or two more for now??
Do you think it might be possible to "break through" some of the things that may be holding you back there?? Just a little??



Alison

Hi PandaCutie, I worry about the same thing sometimes, because sometimes I overreact and get upset with my family and have angry outbursts. Maybe try asking him how your lashing out affects him? Communication is always good. Especially when you're concerned and don't know what the other person is thinking.