I broke into tears

and this almost never happens to me. I read this post on Quora, quote :

''Learn to accept pain in your life.

If you try things and fail, it will hurt. A lot. Hurt as in I can't bear existence right now pain. A lot of people quite reasonably try to avoid experiencing this pain.

But the cost is higher than they think. The cost is to slowly become dead, a pathetic ghost in an endless wasteland, able to neither feel nor care, because they have nothing to feel or care about.

Dare to love. Dare to live. Dare to make an absolute fool of yourself and be utterly humiliated. Dare to fail.

Dare to feel.

It's worth it.

Best of luck.''

and the emotions engulfed me. I was looking at this girl's profile on OkCupid, it's obvious I have a crush on her, the way I keep thinking about her but I got upset because I couldn't talk to her, I'm scared. I'm scared of getting rejected again, getting hurt and that's how I feel on that Quora post after writing on Goggle :

''I love a girl, but I am afraid to speak to her. What should I do?''

What do you think I should I do? Not about knowing what to do, I know what I have to do. I must conquer my fears and talk to her but I'm... crying again and I don't want to be rejected, though if I do nothing, it's the same as getting rejected so I'm fuc****. LOL Sorry for the colorful language, it helps when I feel sad.

Any idea? I feel pain because this passage happened to me so many times in the last 15 years that I lost count.

''If you try things and fail, it will hurt. A lot. Hurt as in I can't bear existence right now pain. A lot of people quite reasonably try to avoid experiencing this pain.

But the cost is higher than they think. The cost is to slowly become dead, a pathetic ghost in an endless wasteland, able to neither feel nor care, because they have nothing to feel or care about.''

I'm doing an individual therapy about that right now, next meeting is tomorrow at 5:30 PM EST, group therapy is in 3-4 months but I have a big crush on this girl and I don't want her to go away... In 3-4 months, she might be gone. I might fail but it's very important to me. I have trouble falling in love with girls since a couple years but this girl, it's different, I instantly felt attracted. I must have seen over 10 000 girls in the last couple years, maybe over 100 000 but none did me effect like her, not even close.

I think what upset me also, is the fact I must do a ton of math adult classes to catch up for my future studies in finance/business, I read books about success in finance/business, I work and I go to the gym so I have very little time for a relationship ...but I really like this girl.

I need help. lol

Click on her profile and say 'hi'. Just do it. Do it now. What's the worst thing to have in life? Regrets.

The thing about painful things, and what I think what you quoted was explaining, is that accepting the pain of doing something makes it easier the next time. Avoiding something because it might be painful makes it more painful. It's a paradox. Talking to your T might help explain this.

Also when you try things and succeed, the feeling is so wonderful. To feel alive, to feel love, to feel free!

And sometimes the pain is exquisite, too. Like when you listen to dark, moody music and your heart melts. That's being alive, too.

Yes, I so understand what you mean BrazenApogee, I will definitely talk to my T about it tomorrow. Thanks!

I hear you, it's been so long since I felt these feelings when it comes to girls but I remember it felt wonderful when I had girlfriends ...15 years ago. loll

I hope I won't be like Jim in American Pie, when things get a little more risqué. Hahahaha!

I agree. Thanks TishaBuv!

IMHO, if you want to have success with online dating, you shouldn't focus in on just one person. It's a numbers game. Try to send out as many messages to as many women you find attractive as possible. Also, I find most people on free dating sites like OKCupid aren't looking to invest in a relationship. Granted, some may be, but what most people are looking for is casual sex. If that's what you're looking for, ok, I won't judge. If you want a dating site where there are more women looking for something more serious than that however, Match.com or eHarmony might be worth looking into. Those sites require payment for their services and you know that any woman who is going to pay for features on a dating site is more serious than one who uses a free site. That's just the advice I was given. Hope it helps you. Good luck!

Would you say you've had an abnormally lot of rejection? Is that why you are scared?

Oh yeah, probably ...mmh, I hate to dig so deep but it's necessary, let's see... at least 10 girls in school, that I can remember then maybe another 10 outside. And an unbelievable amount of times on dating websites. lol

Yes, that is exactly why. But I'm putting an end to this fear today, I'm going to talk to that girl!

Artchic, just so you know, I respect that you're a democrat and I don't personally hold any grudge against you, if I put an end to our PM, it's because I judged I wasn't qualified to help you anymore. That being said...

Oh yeah, that's right, dating IS a numbers game. Mmmh, I wouln't say no to casual sex. As much as I'd love to have something more serious, with my work and my mathematics and my gym, I have so little time for a relationship so casual sex would at least be SOMETHING.

It did help. Thanks!

So, you ok?

I'm great, Tisha. I went to my 2nd meeting with my therapist and we agreed that I can't be an expert at dating since I haven't a lot of experience in dating. 0 dates in 15 years... lol I'm learning to be less hard on myself, reading about how to talk to girls and I planned to talk to that gorgeous girl tomorrow night. I needed to regroup but now I'm ready and I'm looking forward to talking to girls again. I realised rejection is part of life, everyone get rejected and it only makes you stronger. There are billions of girls, no need to get all upset because ONE rejected me.