[The Kafkian Owl]

My grandfather passed away last June. We were notified by phone at night. Everyone started crying and I didn’t know for sure what was happening, but even before being told I knew, I imagined who it was. I don’t remember that day too well. The thing is, the following Christmas (in my birthday, by the way), another relative of mine died, and once again we were notified by phone. It was before dawn, and we were all waken up by the call.

From then on every time I hear the phone ringing, specially at odd hours, I immediately fear that someone else has died. I consciously know that it is completely irrational, yet I cannot help myself. It is not a phobia, either, since I’m not scared or have the urge to flee. I simply become extremely anxious, to the point of eavesdropping the beginning of every conversation to make sure everything is alright.

I don’t understand why this is happening, since I think I have already got over the death of my grandfather. I think of him, and I mostly don’t feel sad, nor I try to avoid places where he often was, like the rest of my family (except the graveyard, I have never gone back there). So, why does this keep happening to me?

I am sorry you lost people in your life this way. Even though you are over it, maybe a part of you is not. Maybe its just a nervous thing, and not really a big deal that you do this, especially if it doesn't bother you much. Maybe you really care about the people in your life and don't want them to die. I cant tell you why. But if it's really bothering you maybe its worth exploring. Sorry for your distress. Sometimes we accidentally condition ourselves to act in certain ways. Like habits. I do it all the time.

The ringing phone is a big trigger for me. I tremble and am stuck to the floor where I stand. I avoid answering it and find some excuse not to do so. I am afraid of bad news - usually I convince myself it comes as a result of my doing something wrong. For instance the usual thought that enters my head is that I have done something to cancel my disability assistance.

[Angelique67]

Is it a mobile phone? If so, try putting some music you love as the ringtone. Ringdroid and Ringtone maker are both good apps to try.

[Thunder Bow]

This normal, I would afraid of phones too, if I went through what you went through. Off hour phone calls never been good.

[The Kafkian Owl]

Thanks everyone for your support and suggestions. The main issue is that I don’t think the problem is the ring. The problem is the call in itself, no matter the phone or the ring, and the news it might bring (that’s the reason it makes me even more anxious at odd hours, since, as it has been said, it’s never good news). Though I wish I could change the ring tone to be sure, but I don’t use mobile phones so it’s only the main one.

[divine1966]

I am so sorry for your losses and I know exactly how you feel. Same here. I am terrified of phone calls especially at odd hours. I often just don't pick up the phone and wait to listen voice mail later. But I am often equally scared to read texts etc every time I think something bad happened and I am being notified or that I did something like didn't pay a bill on time or my doctor calls with bad news on my tests etc I just learn to live with this.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Yep, phones ringing late at night or in the early hours scare me too. And I think thats probably normal and understandable. The only times I have known the phone to ring at weird times is when someone has died or some other bad news...

[Shaly78]

The phone ain't do nothing wrong....I would seek grief therapy and stopping feeling guilt for not coping to resort to eavesdropping. Stop listening to my phone calls sounds really sensitive just be strong

[Monarch Butterfly]

I'm sorry for you're loss. I agree phone calls late at night can cause worry. Did someone get in an accident etc. I wonder if talking to a counselor about your grief may help? And of course please talk to us too. We're here for you too ��

[The Kafkian Owl]

Unfortunately seeing counselors or psychologists is completely out of the question for me (one of the resons I joined), so I'll have to sort it out on my own. Thanks for your support, though, it is strange for me to see people this open. This is the first time I ever mention this issue and I feel better now knowing that there's other people who feel the same (which means I am not completely crazy) and others with whom I can speak.