[Artchic528]

WARNING!!! THIS WILL BE TRIGGERING TO SOME. I put the most triggering stuff in those brackets, FYI.

So earlier today I got a double whammy. I was talking to two different guys and one stopped texting the day before we were suposed to meet up (today) and hasn't responded back as of now, while the other guy friend zoned me. I went onto a chatroom I usually frequent, not the one on here but a different one, and told the regulars I felt numb inside...

Possible trigger:

...and that some broken glass I hadn't cleaned up from an earlier accident (completely unrelated to today) was making me think of using it to SI.

Then an argument broke out...

Possible trigger:

...with me still wanting to SI with the broken glass and a few chatters saying I really wouldn't and that I was all bluster, just attention seeking. That triggered my stubborn and defiant nature and I wound up actually using the glass to SI just to prove I wasn't bluffing in order to get attention. Then I posted an image of the resulting wound to the chat to further prove my point.

So I cleaned up the wound so it wouldn't get infected (the wound is only superficial abrasions so no medical attention needed other than a bandaid) and decided to see what my next move will be by posting here.

[Trippin2.0]

Honest question, no negative anything intended:


If you read over your post and you see what you've done, and why, as a mature adult woman, do you honestly think you're ready for the dating scene?


My personal opinion is no, because essentially you've just described hurting yourself over not only potential dates, but other random people in a chat group. (That doesn't exactly scream mature dating material), and can put you in very harmful situations, should you actually date someone. Because people screw up, intentionally or not.


I know you said T is not an option because you don't drive and stuff, but maybe just consider working on yourself a bit more before seeking out Mr Right, as it will go a long way towards your personal safety.

[TishaBuv]

How do you feel about having done that?

[divine1966]

That's really scary. I hope you are all right. Strangers in a chat room aren't worth your health and overall well being. What if you tell you family that you are very unwell and you must be taken to the t appointment. Don't they have any heart?

I am also confused on broken glass issue. Typically if there is broken glass after accident it gets cleaned up right away. People don't leave broken glass around. Do you have your own room? Does it get cleaned up and tidied up? It's dangerous to have broken glass around. You have pets too

Please be safe

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Clairvoyant Boy]

That sounds pretty terrifying,As Divine said Stranger's aren't worth doing that.People online lie all the time.They don't have to be face to face with you so it doesn't matter to them if they never talk to you again.I had many online "Friends" who said I will always be here for you then never even answer my messages.
Hurting yourself is not worth it,especially if you are doing it just to "prove" yourself.
Have you ever considered talking to a counselor about this issue?
In no offense at all,But you don't see to take rejection well,Maybe you could get some help for that?
Be safe & Don't hurt yourself for strangers.The harsh reality,They don't care if you hurt yourself.People today can be very cruel.

[kamikazebaby]

I don't think this has anything to do with maturity. To imply such is adding further hurt on top of what Artchic is already experiencing.

Artchic, I see this as you being in a very vulnerable place, especially where rejection and validation are concerned. You'll need to be very careful about protecting yourself from such situations because people are a$$holes that generally lack empathy and have no compunctions about hurting another person. You must only show vulnerability to those who have properly earned your trust. Even then, you must be prepared to revoke that trust if the other person shows they are unworthy of it after all. Strangers cannot be trusted at all.

[Trippin2.0]

I meant no offence, I myself (due to stuff I wont get into) have not reached full emotional maturity and have up until recently, in times of extreme duress lashed out like a 14 year old, whether at myself or others. So on some level I understand what its like and I meant no disrespect in my post.


It's just that I know how hard it is to navigate romance with a supportive trusted partner under these circumstances, so can only imagine how hazardous it can get in Artchic's shoes.


I wish people would take my words at face value and stop adding personalized negative connotations.


Really if I wanted to be anything less than supportive I wouldn't be wasting my time or data, and if need be I would have been plainly insulting. Not (supposedly) subtly.


Artchic, apologies upfront if you also find fault with my choice of words, I will bow out now, tired of being censored for using plain English.

Do you know why it matters to you what these people think (those on the chat room & the two guys you were texting with)?

As said above, some people detach from their emotions and can be very cruel on the internet. Ask yourself are they worth getting upset over?

[Artchic528]

Originally Posted by kamikazebaby

I don't think this has anything to do with maturity. To imply such is adding further hurt on top of what Artchic is already experiencing.

Artchic, I see this as you being in a very vulnerable place, especially where rejection and validation are concerned. You'll need to be very careful about protecting yourself from such situations because people are a$$holes that generally lack empathy and have no compunctions about hurting another person. You must only show vulnerability to those who have properly earned your trust. Even then, you must be prepared to revoke that trust if the other person shows they are unworthy of it after all. Strangers cannot be trusted at all.

You're right, I need to keep my vulnerabilities closed to strangers, and since I basically don't trust anyone at this point, I have only my journal to turn to. Sure, it can't speak or offer support, but it can let me vent without judgement and keep my emotions in check.

[kamikazebaby]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

I meant no offence, I myself (due to stuff I wont get into) have not reached full emotional maturity and have up until recently, in times of extreme duress lashed out like a 14 year old, whether at myself or others. So on some level I understand what its like and I meant no disrespect in my post.

It's just that I know how hard it is to navigate romance with a supportive trusted partner under these circumstances, so can only imagine how hazardous it can get in Artchic's shoes.

^^ This was good. I was going to "thank" you for it. But then you had to go on and say not so good things...

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

I wish people would take my words at face value and stop adding personalized negative connotations.

I did take your words at face value. I didn't have to add anything to make that particular comment negative, because it was. If you felt it was a misinterpretation, you could've just said as much. But rather than saying, "Okay, I definitely didn't mean for my comment to come across that way," you lash out at me. Which makes me even more suspicious that you did indeed mean to be "less than supportive" towards Artchic.

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

Really if I wanted to be anything less than supportive I wouldn't be wasting my time or data, and if need be I would have been plainly insulting. Not (supposedly) subtly.

Hmm. People do things because they get something out of doing them. People are rarely plainly insulting, because being subtle about it will keep others from calling them out - usually. That's why people opt for being passive-aggressive, because they can get away with it.

Eh, that's all I'm going to address. I just wanted Artchic to know that not everyone agrees with all that was said.

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

Artchic, apologies upfront if you also find fault with my choice of words, I will bow out now, tired of being censored for using plain English.

I hope there is sincerity to the apology, at least, never mind the rest of that sentence.

[kamikazebaby]

Originally Posted by Artchic528

You're right, I need to keep my vulnerabilities closed to strangers, and since I basically don't trust anyone at this point, I have only my journal to turn to. Sure, it can't speak or offer support, but it can let me vent without judgement and keep my emotions in check.

I'm sorry, I know it's lonely and painful. Even if you could manage a therapist, you might have to try several of them before finding one who worked for you. I do relate. I can't seek support either. But I also don't want to see others hurt. I think you're very brave to try to seek support, to try to connect to others.

[Tsukiko]

I agree with Trippin and dont think she was lashing out at anyone but that's neither here nor there. This isnt about trippin.

Okay, I have a few problems here...

The glass issue. Why would there be broken glass lying around from an earlier incident? Doesn't sound very responsible.

I too read this a filibustering for the sake of attention in a chatroom. You are worth more than this - considerably more. You are worth so much to the world that you owe it to yourself to get to a psychiatrist or therapist. You also are worth so much that you need not look to internet strangers for acknowledgement to feel worthwhile.

You have suggested that it is the logistcs of getting to a psychiatrist or therapist that is of issue. Here are a few ideas I have:
1. call mobile crisis - they will come and get you
2. call your nearest Mental Health Association - they will find you transportation
3. call your family doctor - the office might have some answers
4. call your local social services - they may be able to issue a taxi voucher
5. and talk to your frends and family. This is serious enough that at least one of them will help
6. call 911

Artchic, I know what it is like to not trust anybody. Perhaps you were hurt very badly by someone professional or personal in the past. I don't know you, but when I was in my early 20s, that was me. So I'm speculating. But what I really want to get across, is that it sounds like you are going through a really hard time right now. Dating can really suck! You are not the only one who feels this way. A lot of people do. I hope that knowing that can bring you a little solace! There are a lot of creeps out there. It's why I don't really do the online dating thing anymore.

If you don't mind me giving you advice, I would say, stay away from people who make comments that make you feel badly, whether its online, or in real life. Surround yourself with good people. And while I was reading this thread, I saw that someone else said that you're not getting help from a therapist or psychiatrist. If that's true, I would encourage you to find someone to help. There's nothing wrong with going on psych central either. I myself go on here for support, as a supplement for when I am feeling overwhelmed and stressed. But talking to a therapist, when you are ready, could really help.