[Clairvoyant Boy]

As some of you may know from my previous posts,I have been suffering with depression.
Recently I was doing well,I was feeling alive again.Like I could breathe and I had a purpose to get up in the morning.
Tonight I had a very bad fight that caused my depression to turn worse.I thought it was me being upset so I went out for a drive.I sat in a parking lot and just tried to breathe because my anxiety was getting to intense.
It's been 3 hours now,I took a Ativan but I still haven't calmed down.I question the point of living,I never once had suicidal thoughts.I was one of these people who said "I would never do that",Yet here I am,Walking on the thin line of not caring anymore.
I`m afraid of my own mind,The thoughts that run through it.My own voice taunting me.I never been diagnosed by a Psychiatrist so i`m not sure if I suffer from anything.
When I get stressed it feels like my mind snaps,I feel like my anger turns me into a different person,while the real me becomes a broken shell of myself.My anxiety get's so high it's hard for me to focus on anything.I feel like at times my mind will snap.
I have a good doctor who gives me something to relax me for my anxieties.
I have a really good therapist who is currently working with me for my anxieties and we are currently working on why my moods are like a roller coaster.
I haven't had to the chance to tell her how I feel when I get stressful news or thing's that make me angry.It's like I either fall completely apart or change into a hateful person,Or both.
I need to know what's wrong with me,I feel like im going to go crazy one day.

Thank you for reading this.

[BlossomingLen]

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

I know it must be painful. It must be a struggle. Especially when everything seems okay at first, but it just comes crashing down. But remember how everything got better? How you felt like you could breathe and that you were okay? That happened after you were feeling upset, right? The same thing can happen here. I'm sure you know that. But dreadful times like these, they always pass, even if people think they don't. Things get better, you feeling better was an example of that. I promise you, things will go back to how they were when you were okay. You should bring up this behavior to your Therapist and your Doctor, so then maybe they could do something to help you. If it'll take awhile for you to see them again, just take little steps, okay? One step at a time. Just focus on getting through today. Try any kind of little distractions like reading, writing, drawing, coloring, watching videos/TV, any kind of distraction that wouldn't disrupt your health in any way.

I hope you feel better soon.

[Clairvoyant Boy]

Originally Posted by BlossomingLen

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

I know it must be painful. It must be a struggle. Especially when everything seems okay at first, but it just comes crashing down. But remember how everything got better? How you felt like you could breathe and that you were okay? That happened after you were feeling upset, right? The same thing can happen here. I'm sure you know that. But dreadful times like these, they always pass, even if people think they don't. Things get better, you feeling better was an example of that. I promise you, things will go back to how they were when you were okay. You should bring up this behavior to your Therapist and your Doctor, so then maybe they could do something to help you. If it'll take awhile for you to see them again, just take little steps, okay? One step at a time. Just focus on getting through today. Try any kind of little distractions like reading, writing, drawing, coloring, watching videos/TV, any kind of distraction that wouldn't disrupt your health in any way.

I hope you feel better soon.

Thank you

[Michelea]

How are you feeling today?

[Marylin]

The person you had a fight with are they a regular vexatious influence on you.I used to feel suicidal depressed after a run in with either one of my narcissist members of my family.

They were the problem and after getting away from them my mental health and physical health is much better.

I haven't been suicidal since I cut my awful narc sister out of my life 1 and1/2 years and I am improving mood wise it has been a month no contact with my narc mother,both of them bullied and abused me so I have had my peace returning.

So just wondering whether it isn't you feeling suicidal or whether it is other people causing friction and arguments driving you to suicidal feelings.

It can be very subtle and you not realize it is the other person's fault you are feeling that way.

If this is so you need to cut them out of your life even if they have made you feel helpless and dependent on them.

[melmyers1107]

how are you feeling today