[ChildOfTheSea]

I know that I have depression and I know that feeling worthless and numb are common for people with depression but I don't know how to deal with it anymore. I just randomly have bouts where I feel completely numb but at the same time I feel horribly lonely and worthless. Sometimes I wish that I could just die. But I know I don't want that. It probably doesn't help that I have no one I can talk to because no one I know understands. I usually write poetry or listen to music but it gets so bad sometimes that nothing helps. It's like I am being consumed by the abyss that is my mind. Does anyone have ideas on what I could do? I want to feel better but I don't know how to do it.

[Skeezyks]

Hello ChildofTheSea: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time. I'm in quite a similar situation... feelings of worthlessness, depression, often wishing I would just die. Of course the obvious answers are therapy, antidepressant medications, etc. Personally, I'm an older person & I've pretty-much just learned to live within my circumstances. But it's really not healthy & not the way a young person wants to live.

I really think the answer here is to reach out for help in real life... someone you can talk with about how you're feeling. If there is no one in your life you can do this with, then seeing a mental health professional, presumably a therapist, may be what is necessary. Of course, continuing to post, here on PC, can help too. Perhaps other members will have other thoughts with regard to your situation.

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. There are many knowledgeable & caring members here. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!

[Michelea]

Hi ChildOfTheSea

I came here because of depression, and for feeling as you do now. Reading through the forums and offering thoughts/advice to others, along with receiving support on your posts will help as you deal with your depression. People here do understand how you feel.

[Ceridwen18]

Hi there. What a lovely user name! I often fee the way you described. I'm on medication and I see a T every 3 weeks or so. I have been like this since I was 13, wasn't diagnosed with depression until I was 30, and now I'm close to 50, so I have learned the feelings will pass. Even on medication, sometimes I feel exactly like you do, if something happens that sets me back. I want to die to escape the pain, but now instead of months, the feeling passes in a few days if I do things to help myself.
Usually I'll wallow for a day or so, then I'll have an attack of the sads (there atm), then I'll crawl back to my feet, slowly.
Things that help me are: medication, a couple of good friends, journalling to get it all out, walking, sleeping. I hope you can find some things that will help you, too. Hugs

Hi there, depression is no joke and it is so painful. You can get better!

I've been majorly depressed and here is what got me well. I saw a psychiatrist who gave me medication, weekly visits to a therapist and practicing what I learned in therapy like coping skills, self-care, weekly support group, coming and participating here, and talking to two people in my life that understood what I was experiencing. They listened and didn't try to "fix" me.

Don't give up hope. You can get better. It takes time and some days will be better than others.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Nimitri]

Hi there, same here. For the last four years (my god, is that long? I can't even conceive it) I went to therapy that I needed to cut because I moved and returned this April and I went to my psychiatrist every six months for my medication: paroxetina for depression and vital then alzam and know Ativan (I left the alzam for an entire year and my last stretch of my career, yeah) and I can tell you:

It get's better.

Don't think about how much time it's going to take you. You can't understand (no one) the emotions you are going to feel tomorrow or in a month and you will not feel the years if that it what it takes. It's all life. But you will get better. Sometimes it would seem that you go back but that's just your body accommodating and healing itself.

I'm not gonna lie. It's going to be painful. It was for me. But after each time I feel a little more free, that my depression and self-hate became less until later I can't even remember the last time I tried to hurt myself or screamed at me in hate or went to sleep sad after a day feeling numb and empty.

So for me to you as an advice: look for a therapist. And yes, you can change therapist because you had to find what one works for you and not all therapist are for everybody. I went to a perfect therapist but there was a moment when she simply couldn't help me anymore and then I went to my present therapist who does Cognitive Therapy that had continued and healed me more.

Look for medicines. Medicines are your friends and you are not weaker or less for taking them. As you would read here, people can have adverse reactions to medicine or decide that they don't need it. For me, medicine has always helped me and was a bastion in the turbulent waters of my healing. Oh, they don't eliminate the sickness or make you all happy, but it's like running with a shoe that fits instead of one a size lower or wearing glasses when you read. They make a tremendous difference.

And finally: Take your time. Take your falls and victories. It's your life and your sickness and you will move as you can and must move. Fall as many times you want and get up as fast as you can. Get angry or annoyed or just exasperated. Feel as you must and don't be afraid or ashamed of it.

And it gets better.
Day by day, milligram by milligram, it gets better.

[Nimportequoi]

Hello ChildOfThe Sea!
I could have written every sentence of your's. There's lots of people here on PC who know how you're feeling, the reasons for feeling despaired are countless, but we're all united under the outcome...depression.
There's support chats on here for depression, too. Maybe you want to check them out.

[Sula B]

Hello and Welcome

I could put my name to every post here including yours. You're not alone. I have only been a member for a short time and severe long term depression is what brought me here a month ago. In that short time I have found PC so helpful for many reasons: being able to express your feelings, no fear of judgement at the feelings you express, realising there are people out there who understand your feelings and experiences and validate them rather than denigrate and, (certainly not least of all) being able to support and validate others. Sometime the latter point is the most significant.

I hope we can have many talks and support one another.

[Marylin]

Hi Childofthesea,
I get terribly lonely too and stare into that abyss.I find when it is so grand I am going to burst with unhappiness and the loneliness gets unbearable I either text someone for a text chat or have a nap or go out for a coffee if I have money and sit on the seats in the shopping mall and watch the people,soak in the atmosphere.It gets pretty bad the isolation but I have ways of coping,a particular way is to connect to God's love for me and talk to jesus..I know sounds mad for someone mentally ill but it does help me to pray and know I am not always going to be alone and my prayers will be answered for sure, they always are.