[jarajaramelon]

my parents and friends, or even my boyfriend's friends sometimes say my boyfriend is overly jealous, but i dont know if i should believe that this is the whole problem that makes me depressed.

we are together for around 8 months. by jealous/possesive they mean stuff like: he wants to know every of my conversasions. i hide stuff from him because if i show him he starts thinking stuff, for example: i told his friend his coverphoto (which showed him) was cute. i know it's bad, but it's not the worst thing you can do. he noticed i hid it, so i was forced to show him. we were argueing for 2 days. i was surprised it didn't take so long this time, because mostly it goes on for 2 weeks.

this whole relationship makes me feel these stuff:
- he doesnt trust me.
- im never good enough (like, i can't be quiet for a minute, otherwise i start feeling like i'm as his exes who never gave him attention)
sometimes he tells me im the most clingy person he ever met so i dont have to worry about it, but i have to keep this up.
before, people hated that i was clingy, now, i have to be.
when i don't reply for 10 min, he asks why i am so sick of him.
- im ALWAYS to blame (i tell him alot that it feels like he's blaming me and doesnt want to understand my view of the argument. but when i tell this to him, he says it isn't true, and that he's just telling me what's bothering him, and that i have to listen to him, because i went over the line for not saying hi to him when i come back from school for example)
- im confused of what to think. i don't understand if i'm just being stubborn and don't want to admit if i am wrong, or if he's wrong doing this? or maybe there is no wrong and right in this case? what am i supposed to think? everyone just tells me he's wrong, and should stop his possesive behaviour, but what if believing them is just unfair to him? maybe i should just understand him better, but for some reason something stops me from trying to believe and understand him instead of others. i'm inbetween, i don't believe either of them. i don't know what to think.

he says im only telling them part of the story. i don't do it on purpose and he says he knows that. but i am really bad in explaining i guess. can't help that sadly.

i don't know if this is the reason im depressed since im depressed since i was around 13/14. and i'm almost 18 now. i talked with someone today and told her about me feeling like i don't really feel the connection between me and friends, family, or my boyfriend. i don't feel close to them. some people i talk easier to than others, but that's it. i also feel happy if they do something for me, and thank them. i hoped this relationship would make me feel better. maybe it does, but it's hard to tell. i just feel unmotivated to do anything. still i try, but no matter how much years i try, it makes no difference. everything is boring. when i took a treatment, people got impatient of me.

still, i wanna feel better. im sure this isn't something that everyone feels, otherwise the whole planet would have killed themselves already.

reasons i feel like this could be:
- my boyfriend.
- the fact i barely have friends, only 2 online friends and friends of my boyfriend. still, those friends aren't that close. and everytime i open my phone i hope there's a message from someone else than my boyfriend, like my game project or something (i want to be a game artist after i finished my education), or a friend who likes to talk to me, or in the best case: some of my friends from when i was 13 who wants to come over. but nope.
- i'm just too insecure to talk to people.
- i feel like i NEED to make sense, NEED to be interesting, etc.

maybe i rather believe other people that my boyfriend is possesive, and that that's the reason i feel like this everyday, because that'd mean if i break up with him, this feeling is gone. (i don't want to break up with him, one day he asked me to make a deal: if this happend once again, i could break up wiht him. but i was scared. i couldnt agree)

i'm tired of everything. i don't want to show anyone, i did before. the only people who wanted to give me support were people from clinic, and they constantly post stuff on facebook about being depressed, cutting themselves, etc which starts to seem like attention seeking too. i want to seem like the happy person of 13, who could make jokes, and wasn't so serious. i still try, but if it only went naturally.

note: i'm not even sure if i think this all, im just dropping down what i feel, and please don't take everything as facts.

if ANYONE has any advice or thoughts, i'd be happy to take it.

I think it's both depression and your boyfriend. It sounds to me like your boyfriend IS being controlling of you and this is affecting the way you feel. It also sounds like you want to make other friends, which is a natural desire and need for people, but are having difficulty because you are feeling insecure about yourself. I haven't read any of your other posts, but have you ever heard of social anxiety? It could be something you are experiencing, and there are a lot of therapies out there for it. I am rereading your post, and honestly, it sounds like your boyfriend has many issues that he is taking out on you. He may not be actually trying to hurt you. But he is. And he's not listening to you. And you are not happy in the relationship. That is what I am hearing from this post, and it makes sense to me. It sounds like you have a hunch that if you break up with him, your depression will not go away because you are dealing with other things. And while that is not a healthy reason for staying, I understand why you might want to stay. Are you afraid to leave? You sound very confused about your emotions, and thoughts. I'm just reflecting back to you what I am reading from you. It is ok to set boundaries with people, you know, whether it's a friend, a classmate, a parent, a stranger, the world, or your boyfriend. Once you know what matters to you, and what is ok and not ok with you in terms of how other people behave towards you, that is where boundaries start. If someone crosses your boundary, and you keep letting them, or you cross you own boundary, that means your personal boundaries aren't good in that aspect, and ask yourself why.

I hope this helped, Jarajaramelon. I feel like I rambled a bit. But I hope the best for you and think you deserve to be happy. How old are you? Are you college age? I am not. But I just wondered about your age because I experienced stuff like this myself at that age. Game art sounds so cool.

Take care,

StarrySky

I agree, it sounds like pre-existing depression got a little worse from some of the challenges you are dealing with in your relationship.

Jealousy is a tough one to deal with, it's something I have had to cope with, it crushes your confidence, makes you second guess yourself and walk on eggshells around your partner, it makes you feel conflicted between your love for them and your dislike of what they are doing. Yes, it can make you feel anxious and depressed, especially if you have a proneness.

I think Sarrysky is bang on right about boundaries, it's your duty to yourself and others to tell them what is and isn't acceptable.

[Trippin2.0]

Write up a pros and cons list.


List all the positive your bf adds to your life.


Then list all the negative...


That should give you a clearer indication of where you're at relationship wise.


IMO your bf definitely does sound possessive / controlling and IME, when majority of your trusted loved ones are saying the same thing (eg. your bf is adding to your misery) they just CAN'T all be wrong.


I learned that very basic math lesson the hard way, and ended up staying in a very toxic relationship for way too long because I dismissed the red flags loved ones were so graciously pointing out to me.


Yes, your bf may not be the source of your depression, but if he's worsening it, then that's good enough reason as any to exit this relationship.


Your health, wellbeing, and happiness matter.


You matter, but its up to you to give yourself the best shot at obtaining these things.

[jarajaramelon]

hey guys. thanks for all the support. i didnt expect this!
i don't think i want to break up though, even though he's controlling he says he will work on it, and i also think i can handle it.
also, i think i'm a problem in my own relationship too. the reason why i dont feel happy is because im not happy, and nothing seems to be able to change that.
maybe my boyfriend notices that, idk. still, i dont think he's really a problem. sometimes he really can be, and really hurts me emotionally. but when we have a fight we both hurt each other.

i'm a little depressed, not as bad as a while ago, but it still feels bad always.
i'm not sure what to think about it, and how to see it:
is depression just a mental illness?
i heard from people that it doesn't necessarily have a cause, and you can just feel like life has no use and dont really feel something that you can always think of and see what you're doing it all for.
or maybe everyone has it?
or maybe there is always a cause of why you are always feeling sad, some hidden frustration or something that you have to fix.. it'd be a way easier that way if i just knew what it was and how i should fix it.
people sometimes ask me why i am depressed, well, i just try to explain how i feel and mostly they dont understand..

i went to several clinics and people who said they wanted to help me, but it only got worse since they really didnt understand, and were impatient with me. so i dont think that's a solution.

people always tell me if you are unsatisfied with something, you should change it.
the only thing i feel unsatisfied with is that i am always unsatisfied for no reason.

i explained someone the other day: i see life through some black and white filter. i can imagine how i thought like when i was a kid, and not depressed, but it immediately flips back into the way im feeling now.

to answer the question XDD i'm 17 years old! i'm almost 18, in the 30th of July.