[black-roses]

I for the life of me cannot continue to play this charade any longer I am fed up with everything I don't even have the energy to have anger towards anyone. I am just so confused how I don't seem to care or feel anything but this apathy towards everything. The main thing that has sent me off is men I am tired of lying and pretending that I find any of this interesting and exciting I just don't have the energy for people and there perceived ******** any longer. I just want to study and keep my head down and not think about romantic relationships since they are not important (it's not like they are going to lead me down anywhere important in life anyway). I just want to stop thinking about it I want to go back to school but I can't until September. I just want the comfort of my college friends, I want a new life I want to stop thinking so far ahead into situations that I make up in my mind. I just want to stop worrying, I want my energy my life back. I want to paint, to draw, to dance, to work, to chill....

[lors]

I'm not a therapist but I think I understand your predicament. Sometimes you just want to be left alone and not have to deal with all that "baggage."

It's just unfortunate that others don't understand that and approach your interactions as "relationship progress."

At the onset it's best to make it clear that you're not interested. It *might be embarrassing but what are you gonna lose?

Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk

[black-roses]

I just don't know how to have that balance of boundaries I am either to extreme let them control the conversation or I withdraw into social isolation I just don't have that medium and its so unfair. It would be easier if I had an idea and was more stronger in my boundaries but somehow I am afraid of implicating them I have no idea why...

[lors]

It sounds to me like you just don't want to hurt their feelings and I guess others take it as you showing interest.

Some people are just dense that way.


Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk

[black-roses]

I never saw it that way I thought having a half asked way of being they would understand I am not interested. I guess I have to bluntly say that I don't want any type of relationship with men that I think they are fat slobs that have no ambition with life. Of course I am generalizing but I kind of hate men because they don't act like they care.

[lors]

Yes I understand where you're coming from.

For some, being blunt is the only way. Subtleties are lost to those with a very short attention span. You need to get their attention like a big colorful billboard (not that I want you to rent a billboard haha).


Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk

[Onward2wards]

It sounds like you value in others what you value and want to express in yourself - ambition, intensity and caring.

[lors]

Originally Posted by Onward2wards

It sounds like you value in others what you value and want to express in yourself - ambition, intensity and caring.

Excellent traits. Exceedingly rare as well.

Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk

[~Christina]

Instead of being angry and it causing you all this stress and whatnot.. Why don't you go about life and if a man shows interest you can easily say... You seem like a nice person but I not looking for a relationship, I have school to focus on.. but thank you.

I would say a lot of this is your BPD roaring into your interactions with men, your mom and just about anyone in real life face to face ..

Have you looked into some online work sheets that you can start to learn DBT skills that are going to help you navigate your life and not feel so bad about your life?

It's wonderful that your able to vent and get stuff off your chest , we all need that at times. But taking those first steps towards helping yourself will improve your life so much

[black-roses]

I do also think that some of this anger is just a bit excessive for the situation almost like they are hitting me except their not they are just talking to me I am just reacting that way and I need to learn to stop reacting that way. Things that most people wouldn't get annoyed over I do so I told myself that I was going to think about the things I enjoy instead of getting angry over situations I maybe imagining in my mind. They do something normal like talk to me and then I am imagine this scenario that they are like I don't know groping me etc. It's those automatic thoughts that I need to change when men talk to me rationalize that they are not groping me they are just being a bit excessive in calling me but then again I never told them to stop or leave me alone, I just told my sister too. How can they know my sister didn't just get my phone and was pranking them? How are they going to know. Like lots of things they do I just assume the worst and it is really killing my friendships with them and my overrall perspective on men.

[lors]

I usually try to remind myself to have appropriate thoughts, appropriate words and appropriate actions.

This becomes difficult to achieve when the thoughts are already loaded with preconceived notions.

It happens. Like we have an awful day at work and when we get home we somehow take it out on our family over the smallest things.

In your case, maybe something in the past happened or something happened to a loved one etc...that is causing you to have these negative feelings and making you generalize. And every small gesture is misjudged as being very negative.

If the memories are easy to sift through, you can try recalling the details and sort of go through what was negative and compare them with what's happening now.

If the memories are difficult to sift through, you can try seeking help.

Hope it works out ok.

Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk