[BrazenApogee]

I always feel wrong. Like I do everything wrong. Like I am wrong. Wrong for everything. I don't know how to get rid of this. It's overwhelming.

[BrazenApogee]

It's kinda funny no one wants to reply to this. I'm serious though. I just feel wrong and can't figure out how to stop that. I guess I should talk to my T about it.

[Prism Bunny]

Hey, I have been there plenty of times. Have your thoughts become obsessive to the point you cannot function? If so, you need to see a health provider so they can evaluate your situation.

What is the evidence you are 'wrong'? Make yourself a list, then another for evidence you aren't. Compare the two. Make a thrid list; what is realistic or likely

[Thunder Bow]

Work with your "T". Investigate your childhood, where all this "wrong", feelings got started. Feeling bad about yourself is what you are doing.

[BrazenApogee]

Originally Posted by Thunder Bow

Work with your "T". Investigate your childhood, where all this "wrong", feelings got started. Feeling bad about yourself is what you are doing.

So, you are saying this is just some weird form of self pity?

[BrazenApogee]

Originally Posted by Prism Bunny

Hey, I have been there plenty of times. Have your thoughts become obsessive to the point you cannot function? If so, you need to see a health provider so they can evaluate your situation.

No, it's not obsessive thought forms. Or not to my understanding it isn't. It's more like a pervasive feeling that gets in my way. Like I'm walking around with a big sign on my chest or something. I guess that doesn't describe it, because I know it's internal.
I do have a T. I haven't shared this yet, it's getting worse so I guess I should.

[Prism Bunny]

Originally Posted by BrazenApogee

No, it's not obsessive thought forms. Or not to my understanding it isn't. It's more like a pervasive feeling that gets in my way. Like I'm walking around with a big sign on my chest or something. I guess that doesn't describe it, because I know it's internal.
I do have a T. I haven't shared this yet, it's getting worse so I guess I should.

Please do share it with your T. If it is overwhelming and comes on sudden, you may be experiencing intrusive depressive thoughts. Some sites, even Wikipedia, say the thoughts range from one feeling worthless to feeling wrong/bad/sinful.

Here is a link you can read up on before seeing your T.
I know it is just Wikipedia, but it gives you a general idea.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intrusive_thought

I am sorry that you are battling to cope right now, though. I hope you feel better soon!

I think what Thunder Bow was trying to say is that you need to explore and challenge your core negative beliefs.. This is the very thing which Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is about - strategizing and developing ways to challenge these thoughts and come up with alternatives. It does take a lot of work - most programs and books are designed around a 12 session format. I myself found this to be very successful.

Have a read on 'Cognitive Distortions'. There's lots out there on the subject; here's one that includes some great resources: http://psychology.tools/cbt.html

If these 10 Distortions ring any bell with you it might be worth doing some CBT work - which you can do on your own (but that's an entirely different post).

[BrazenApogee]

Thanks for the CBT website. A great resource. I've never much liked the idea of CBT, but it seems helpful a bit.

Originally Posted by BrazenApogee

I always feel wrong. Like I do everything wrong. Like I am wrong. Wrong for everything. I don't know how to get rid of this. It's overwhelming.

May be it has to do with low self esteem?

[BrazenApogee]

I absolutely hate the "it's all in your head" line

Originally Posted by BrazenApogee

I absolutely hate the "it's all in your head" line

So do you think literally everything you do is wrong? Don't you hate that, too? You will be wrong sometimes, but unlikely all the times. There must be something else going on. Dig deeper.

[Thunder Bow]

Originally Posted by BrazenApogee

So, you are saying this is just some weird form of self pity?

Not self pity so much. I is more like fishing for reasons to feel bad about yourself kind of thing.

[kamikazebaby]

I can relate to this. In my case I think it stems from long-term invalidation on a regular basis by people I trusted. Have you been invalidated? Do you have any thoughts on where your feeling of wrongness originated?

In a way, it's like receiving a bad program; a malicious virus. For someone to tell you that you just have to think differently is not so easy. To say you are "looking for" reasons to feel bad - I don't get that impression. Is it more that you can't help but feel it? That you don't have to look for it - it's stamped into your brain and you want to escape it? Like your being is just wrong, no matter how much you try to be right? That's how I feel. All the talk of self-esteem, challenging cognitive distortions, and DBT never even scratched it.

[BrazenApogee]

Originally Posted by kamikazebaby

Is it more that you can't help but feel it? That you don't have to look for it - it's stamped into your brain and you want to escape it? Like your being is just wrong, no matter how much you try to be right?

Yes, exactly. I'm definitely going to try to bring this up to T. "Hello, I feel wrong." Sounds so very odd though.

[BrazenApogee]

Brought it up in session today. We talked about it. He thinks it's trauma based. He said "one of the first things you tell a child when something bad happens to them is it's not your fault." I felt nothing. I still feel nothing. I'm surprised I'm not freaking out. I'm just numb. It went ok though. Like it was nothing.

[BrazenApogee]

Today I remembered a comment he made "What if I told you I thought you were a brave person trying to deal with the effects of what happened to you?"

I feel calm. At peace. Strangely.

[BrazenApogee]

T day tomorrow. All peace gone. Wrong feelings. Wrong me. Pain. Sadness. Overwhelmed. Thoughts of SI, SH.

[kamikazebaby]

Originally Posted by BrazenApogee

T day tomorrow. All peace gone. Wrong feelings. Wrong me. Pain. Sadness. Overwhelmed. Thoughts of SI, SH.

Are the sessions starting to dig into the places that have gone numb? How are you? I'm sorry that you're in pain.

[BrazenApogee]

Yeah, I guess they have. And he is not supportive. Or maybe that is my impression. I don't know at the moment. I've had to withdraw a bit. It seems that being close to someone triggers this wrong feeling. When I can be distant it's better. Still trying to figure it out. I'm ok right now, but I've had some moments lately where I have not been.

[kamikazebaby]

Originally Posted by BrazenApogee

Yeah, I guess they have. And he is not supportive. Or maybe that is my impression. I don't know at the moment. I've had to withdraw a bit. It seems that being close to someone triggers this wrong feeling. When I can be distant it's better. Still trying to figure it out. I'm ok right now, but I've had some moments lately where I have not been.

It doesn't sound like he is supportive or particularly responsive. (Your impression is very important - if it feels bad, there's something amiss, yes?)

I feel you. Getting close to people freaks me out, too. It magnifies everything, and I actually can't stand for people to physically get too close to me while they're looking at me. Do you feel anything like that?

I'm glad that you are okay for the moment.

[handheart]

Welli see in your post that you write the word "wrong" from 4 times and i think its also in your head you must replace it with "perfect " and you will see the diference

[BrazenApogee]

I've noticed these "wrong" feelings are triggered by trying to make contact with other people. This has especially been pronounced with my T. Every time I share something I get the overwhelming feeling. I have talked to T about it a bit, but I don't think he really understands much yet. It's an overwhelming feeling and it doesn't make sense for the situations.

The CBT stuff was interesting, but this isn't a thought this is a feeling. An overpowering feeling that puts me in a dark place. I have to fight it. I don't understand it.

[Nimitri]

Originally Posted by BrazenApogee

So, you are saying this is just some weird form of self-pity?

No. If it's just like me it's an overwhelming sense of responsibility. That it's your duty to be perfect, to protect and grant happiness, safety and so many other things to people around you. That the unhappiness of others and their health are your burden and so you must act and there is no such thing as second chances, to fail, to not be the elite human.

Could it be self-pity? I don't know but I can tell you this. You must have compassion for yourself. Whatever the reason is, you must have compassion. And yes, a little or a lot of self-pity. It might be that you had such a little pity for yourself, so little apology for your actions that it's creating this sensation of wrongness. For me it's a weight on my shoulders and back it's a fear that I'm wasting my life, my opportunities, that I'm burning my bridges and that a successful person should work 12 hours a day, have a group of 10 friends, house, wife, be a self-made man that can and will made this world better.

it was not until now that I had started to be compassion with me, to have pity and accept my limitations that my feeling of wrongness had abated, that I can fight this emotion and let it go from my life day to day.

Sorry, Had anything I said sound familiar? That has happened to you? Might I inquire what is your dialogue that accompanies this sense of wrongness, the words or images? They helped me in the beginning give coherences to this words and pictures because it let them out of my mind and to examine them and see the line without the repetition of anxiety and reproach.