Hi,

I'm trying to move on from the trauma of having been in a life-threatening situation as a child, but find myself stuck.

I grew up afraid of my dad. Based on how heavily I've dissociated, my therapist (whom I saw for a few years before losing my job) actually believes there was a time or a moment when I was absolutely certain I was going to die..

I've been living on my own for almost 10 years already, but my body is still in a state of shock, fear and alertness. I constantly feel like I should run away from something so as to not be hurt.

I think what's keeping me stuck is that I'm angry, angry that no one protected me from this, angry that I had to dissociate, to lose myself, to develop a false self just to survive.

I hope sharing the fact that I'm angry will help me finally feel validated and to move on.. And as unfair and awful as it was that I had to go through this, maybe there is a meaning to it all, even if I can't yet see what that is..

Thank you for reading

[Skeezyks]

Hello not.dead.yet: You know... the Skeezyks is now in his late 60's & he's still angry about things that happened to him as a child & how everyone just stood by & watched. So I can sympathize with how you feel. At this point in my life I live as reclusive a life as it is possible for me to live. I simply want nothing to do with anyone, in real life. Anger, fear, & paranoia are constant companions. In my case, since I am older, it doesn't matter anymore. But it's no way for a younger person to live. So I wish you all the best with your efforts to heal...

[Marylin]

Anger, fear and paranoia,hey Skeezyks,it does matter.You shouldn't be suffering so either.I do relate to you being in your late 60's and still being angry about things that happened in your childhood.I am the same though in my early 50's.All the wounds from childhood are still inside me stored in my body,there is a reluctance to unearth them.If I did maybe they could be healed and released,I know I would have to feel my way through the original wounds and we fear that more than anything don't we even though they are not as painful as the memory of them is when we go back and unleash them!
You need to take care Skeezyks and stop saying you are old now and it doesn't matter.It does matter,take care of those old wounds Skeezyks.Hugs from me!